Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Audio from Men's Discussions

I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.




Being an Effective Top

Intro To Master Class

Being an Effective Top: Why is it a Good Idea?

Being an Effective Top, Part One

What is the Ideal Top?

Being an Effective Top, Part Two

Being an Effective Top, Part Three

Top Talk

Bottom Talk




Leadership


Giving Permission as a Guiding Philosophy

The New Leaders

Constituency vs. Bossiness vs. Title Vests vs. Leadership

How To Build Real Community in the Internet Age

Jack McGeorge's 2003 Leadership Lecture

Welcoming New Men into the Community

Men in Crowds: Cooperation vs. Competition




Training a Submissive

Establishing Trust with a Capital T

Safe, Sane and NON-Consensual

Finding the Buttons

The Training Process




Relationships

How Do We Meet in the Internet Age?

Relationships, Polyamory and Jealousy

Jealousy

Single Men

Turn Ons/Turn Offs



Leathermen's History

Stories From The Old Days





Miscellaneous Topics

Intentional Sexuality

Male Grief and Our Fathers

Body Electric

The New Generation (TNG)

Size Matters

Folsom Street Fair Tips

Role Play

Coming Out

Left Of The Slash

Internet Dangers

Review of the Butchmanns Experience in Arizona

Fisting for Tops

Penis: Friend Or Foe?

Fetlife Tutorial For Gay Men



Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Master Class, Spring 2017: Audio and Video


Note from Papa Tony:  I am currently teaching a crew of Doms/Tops/Masters/Sirs.

I am covering topics such as technique, philosophy, ethics and interpersonal connections. In the midst of hands-on demos, I am sharing a lot of success techniques, coping mechanisms, and fun stories to illustrate my points.

The newest additions will be at the TOP of the page.

Expect repetition… It's never, ever intentional.  
However, I am an older man with terrible memory.

I will keep adding to this page as time goes by, so keep it bookmarked, and check in regularly!





I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.




Video: "Bullshit Bondage" - A Ninety-Second Introduction to Rope Bondage


Here is the link for buying your own sling and rim chair.


Personality: In order to be true to yourself, you have to know who you are… 
Strengths and weaknesses. Take the test here (it usually lasts about ten minutes), and then Google the results.  For reference, here is my own personality type.





Video: Styles of Throwing Floggers and Whips

Audio: Relationships Between Gay Kinky Men


Video: Toy Bag Tour.
There is also a separate, different, AUDIO-only version, that you might find interesting.


Audio: Introduction & Overview
Explaining Tribal History, my own history and
motivations for teaching. Endorphins, and flog swarms.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Birthright, and Ethics

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.



I recently celebrated my 40th anniversary of being actively connected to the gay men's kink/leather & fetish community. When I started out, I was blessed with around 40 or so older kinky men who were my "Loving Uncles". Sure, we started out with sex (it's a GREAT way to "shake hands and say howdy!"), but the relationships continued onward, and became deeper. They saw potential in me, and took me under their wings.


I was in heaven, after a childhood lacking in positive male role-models. I was surrounded with love and respect, and I had SO many questions, about:

- Sex (“How could I have done that better?”),
- Relationships (“Why doesn’t that guy want a second date?”),
- Kink (“Why does my wrist always hurt after flogging somebody?”) and
- Interpersonal dynamics… All the stuff that older males knew, but I didn’t.

I will live to the rest of my days in utter gratitude to those men - Even the relationships that didn’t work out (usually due to their heavy use of drugs in the 1970’s) were of inestimable value, and became springboards for growth. I am a far better and happier man as a direct result of my upbringing by those wonderful men.

Then, they all died of AIDS. The ones who knew the most, and had the most to contribute, were hit the hardest, and right away. They were not replaced. Of my entire, extended Leather Family from the 1970’s, I am the only survivor. The other day, I mentioned to my husband of almost 27 years that in the entire time that I have known him, I have only run across 2 other surviving men of my larger social circle from the old days.

I mention this because of what has come down to the current days, and what has happened to the cycle of mentoring between the generations.


BIRTHRIGHT.

If I had my fondest wish, every kinky gay male on earth would start out with a MINIMUM of thirty or forty Loving Uncles. They would support, teach and guide him into becoming the sort of good man who will eventually stand shoulder to shoulder with them, so that the next new, shy and uncertain man can stand on THEIR shoulders.


Since my younger days, two new generations of men have arrived, with almost nobody there to thank them for showing up, or to help them with their kindly and pleasurable education. There are exceptions, and these older males are living virtuous lives of mentoring new kinksters. They are also as rare as Snow Leopards.

The vast majority of surviving, older gay-male kinksters who share my experience have dropped away. They gave all during the bad days, and are now unavailable to the larger community. Their lives have closed down to outsiders.



So, when I show up in gear at just about any gay-male event, and if I am kind and accessible, I am MOBBED by men who want to know more. If I demo in a bar, half of the men there want to try it out for the first time. The hunger for kind, accessible and approving Tribal Elders is not fulfilled, and I grieve.


ETHICS

I teach Master Classes in San Diego every Tuesday night. The first hour is about “Hard Skills” - hands-on practice of kinky technique. The second hour is spent talking about “Soft Skills”, such as:

- Ethics,
- Morality,
- Flexibility,
- Creativity,
- Social Graces
- True and deep intimacy,
- Establishing trust and commonality,
- Breaking out of the box of other peoples’ expectations, and
- Living your life authentically.

I use “parables” to illustrate my points, meaning stories with a moral core, and that make the point much better when it’s the climax of a hot and sexy story that makes the men laugh. Sometimes I get embarrassed that I am an old man who talks too much, and that I wander too erratically in my thoughts, but my protégés assure me that they love to hear whatever I can share.

When a man reaches out to me about mentoring, and we mesh well, I tell him that there will be a cost for my help:

Whatever he learns, he is required to pass it along when the time comes. It may take decades to heal the wound in our Tribe’s heart, and to re-ignite the cycle of mentoring, but we have to start somewhere.