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psych-quotes:
Long distance is tough, there’s no doubt about it. But it can be made less painful with these tricks:
1. Break it up. Say, for example, they’ve gone away to college in another city. Rather than thinking of it as four years apart, break it up by focusing on the next time you’ll see them. Maybe that’s only a month or two from now for thanksgiving. Doesn’t that sound way more manageable?
2. Embrace multimedia communication. No, you can’t see each other in person and that sucks. But you can text, email, Skype, send snail mail, etc. The more ways you utilize to talk the more fun and variety you’ll have in staying in touch.
3. Make plans to look forward to. Don’t just focus on seeing each other over Christmas. Make some fun and special plans for that time. This will give you something to look forward to and you can have fun talking about it and planning it together.
4. Use visuals. Send him a selfie of your new haircut instead of just emailing him about it. Or send her a picture of your new car. You’ll feel more like you’re right there with each other.
5. Mail packages. That’s right, snail mail. It’s fun to get mail and it takes that extra bit of effort to put a package together and send it which will make the recipient feel that much more special.
6. Have TV/movie dates. Just because you can’t cuddle on the couch that doesn’t mean you cant both watch the same movie while you’re on the phone or watch a TV show together and text through the commercials.
7. Make a relationship playlist. Listen to it when you miss each other or when you want to get psyched for their visit.
8. Keep busy. The time apart is guaranteed to drag by if you sit at home by yourself. Throw yourself into school or work and spend lots of time with your friends. If you keep your schedule packed they’ll be back before you know it.
9. Send quick messages. It’s great to talk on the phone for an hour every night but it’s also fun to send and receive little notes or texts throughout the day. Send funny thoughts, photos or just tell them that you’re thinking about them.
10.Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use your time apart to remember all the great things that you love about each other. When you see each other again you will be even closer together than you were before and being together will be awesome.
onlinecounsellingcollege:
Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship
1. Make the effort to stay in touch – Text, call or skype every day, if you can. It’s important to be part of each other’s daily life. Also, send each other letters, thoughtful cards and little gifts to show the other person that they’re always on your mind. That helps to keep the fires and romance alive.
2. Be open and discuss what the boundaries will be if you’re going to be living far away from each other. For example, will the relationship be casual or it is serious? Is it going to be exclusive or is it non-exclusive? What are your short and your long term goals – and how will these impact the relationship?
3. Despite the fact you’re miles apart, get creative and find things that you can do together. For example, you could see the same movie then discuss it on the phone; or, you could read the same book, or join an online group. Also, give your partner something that reminds them of you so you’re always there is spirit – even when you’re miles apart.
4. Recognise the benefits of living your own life and pursuing your own interests, and doing things you love. Enjoy being with your friends, and having time to yourself, and following your passion, and finding your true self.
5. Don’t try to control the relationship. At the end of the day, it all comes down to trust - and choosing to be loyal and committed to each other. Also, being jealous and suspicious usually wreaks relationships. Don’t interrogate your partner or monitor their moves.
6. Try to visit each other as often as you can. Figure out how this can happen, how often, where, and when.
7. Remember that you’re still in a relationship. You could have gone your separate ways - but you both want to be a couple!
Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship
1. Make the effort to stay in touch – Text, call or skype every day, if you can. It’s important to be part of each other’s daily life. Also, send each other letters, thoughtful cards and little gifts to show the other person that they’re always on your mind. That helps to keep the fires and romance alive.
2. Be open and discuss what the boundaries will be if you’re going to be living far away from each other. For example, will the relationship be casual or it is serious? Is it going to be exclusive or is it non-exclusive? What are your short and your long term goals – and how will these impact the relationship?
3. Despite the fact you’re miles apart, get creative and find things that you can do together. For example, you could see the same movie then discuss it on the phone; or, you could read the same book, or join an online group. Also, give your partner something that reminds them of you so you’re always there is spirit – even when you’re miles apart.
4. Recognise the benefits of living your own life and pursuing your own interests, and doing things you love. Enjoy being with your friends, and having time to yourself, and following your passion, and finding your true self.
5. Don’t try to control the relationship. At the end of the day, it all comes down to trust - and choosing to be loyal and committed to each other. Also, being jealous and suspicious usually wreaks relationships. Don’t interrogate your partner or monitor their moves.
6. Try to visit each other as often as you can. Figure out how this can happen, how often, where, and when.
7. Remember that you’re still in a relationship. You could have gone your separate ways - but you both want to be a couple!
How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Communication is Key
Phone calls and video chat apps such as Skype and the iPhone’s FaceTime are key to maintaining healthy long distance relationships. Both partners should get a laptop, tablet, or smartphone to keep regular visual contact with each other.
Trust Each Other
This may seem like a no-brainer, but avoiding jealousy in a long distance relationship is very important. After all, it’s impossible to know who your significant other is hanging out with at any given time. As tough as it may be, you have to be supportive of your partner’s social relationships; they can’t become a shut in just because you can’t go out together.
Do Things Together
This may seem like an impossibility with distance looming between you, but distance dates are actually possible. Use online communication to do things together such as cooking the same meal at the same time, watching the same movie at the same time, or sitting outside and looking at the stars together. Online dates are a great thing for distanced couples.
Visit Frequently
Doing things together virtually is great, but it’s no substitute for true togetherness. Take turns visiting each other, or meet halfway as often as possible to restore intimacy in your relationships. Scheduling these regular visits, even short ones, should be a priority in managing your relationship.
Stay Positive
The loneliness of a distance relationship can sometimes feel more depressing than that of being single. Stick with it - things will get better.
Plan for the Future
Talking about the future and making plans for how and when you will eliminate the miles from your long distance relationship can help make the separation more bearable.Appreciate the Distance
There are some positives to a long distance relationship. You can appreciate your partner more (absence makes the heart grow fonder), and you avoid all those petty fights over little things. It’s also great for couples who need a certain amount of personal space.
Provide Personal Comfort
Give your partner a personal object to wear, carry around, or cuddle with for those moments when the distance just seems too great.
Be Supportive
Be there when your partner needs you. Even if you can’t be there physically, be available to talk on the phone, chat online, or video call. Being part of a relationship means providing emotional support, even when its inconvenient. You may not be together physically, but you’ve made an emotional commitment.
dominant-daddy:
Long distance relationships pose their own unique set of challenges and test one’s ability to form a close relationship. They are not for the faint of heart. Trust is paramount. Communication is essential.
Forming that close bond can be a test of stamina, patience, understanding, trust, loyalty, commitment and stopping the relationship from becoming stagnant. To keep it entertaining, and a little more exciting, W/we have come up with some ideas we would like to share with those of you currently in, or contemplating, an LDR.
Installing Skype is absolutely recommended and your favourite IM program is a must have.
If you have a smartphone you can add these for when you are on the move, at work or just generally away from a PC. Technology is right at your fingertips so use it to its potential.
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. In an LDR it’s the key to success or failure. To help overcome the distance we have comprised this list of how an LDR can be made a little easier to deal with and, hopefully, a bit more exciting and to give some ideas on how to avoid the relationship and time spent together from becoming tiresome.
Watch movies together
o This can be done in numerous ways but we have discovered that iTunes, the laptop/pc DVD player or downloading is the best way. (DL at your own risk)
o Try and keep with the same format as movies can and will go out of sync.
o Obviously both partners need to have a copy of the movie.
o Hint. Skip the opening titles (as they can vary) and pause at the very start of the movie, count down 3-2-1 go…
YouTube
o There’s something for everyone on here. From documentaries, TV shows, clips… it’s all on here. W/we use this all the time. Sync at 3 seconds and you’re good to go.
o Hint. Right click the video and ‘copy link URL at current time’ and send it to your partner. All set to watch with minimum hassle!
XBOX Live
o This may not be to everyone’s liking or interest but if both partners have it, use it.
Read a book
o A simple and inexpensive way to spend time together. One partner reads out loud to the other. Books, iPad, kindle or even magazine articles… use your imagination.
Play a game
o Trivial pursuit, chess, monopoly…any board game can be played over Skype. Again, use your imagination.
Share a meal together
o Home cooked, take-a-way or fast food. As long as you share it together the choice is endless.
Tumblr
o Open a joint tumblr account and share thoughts, post messages, ideas or anything you want to share with your partner.
PC or Laptop
o I think a lot of LDR couples may overlook the very thing they are communicating with. Send links, clips, stories, music videos… anything of interest, share it.
Communication & commitment
o One advantage to being in a LDR is there’s plenty of time to talk and get to know your partner. There’s no pressure to get physical.
o People may think that in LDRs there’s a lack of communication. That is in fact false. Since there is no “physical contact” people can learn more about each other and really get to know what makes the other person tick. For example, Daddy and I don’t have to guess each other’s likes/dislikes or moods. We know exactly what W/we want.
o Having a computer between the two of you shouldn’t make anything different. This may sound like a contradiction buts it’s still okay not to force a conversation and just enjoy one another’s company. Just be natural.
o There’s no need to ‘tie’ yourself to the computer. You can still be online and do your thing! (Sometimes I may write, kitten may draw or do arts and crafts) It’s about spending quality time together.
For the D/s side to LDR we have come up with some of our own practises and some new ones too:
Rules, discipline & general guidance
o Rules and discipline can be maintained over Skype. Whichever rules can be monitored via video should be enforced. (Example; My girl has a rule to keep her room tidy and clean it once a week)
o Punishments. (Example; If written lines are given as a punishment they can be viewed).
o Use the technology as much as you can to remain consistent.
o Choose her outfits, underwear, footwear, etc.
o Choose which color nail polish or lipstick she should wear.
o If you cannot be there to choose her underwear, have her hold them up a pair at a time and screenshot each item. This way you will have her entire collection at your disposal to choose from. Send her a picture of the day’s choice/s.
o Choose her meals. (Example; She can give you a choice of three)
o Health and fitness can be monitored over Skype.
o Assignments, tasks, etc. can also be monitored.
o Bedtime curfew can be enforced.
o Make sure she has her stuffies and read her a bedtime story.
o Sleep together over Skype.
Remember that Skype can be your eyes and ears into your partner’s world. You can help to decide on new outfits, purchases, home decor or new furnishings, etc. Treat it like you are actually there with them and be involved in decision making and offering help or advice.
Dom’s, have your girl buy a dice. There are so many applications for using this as a tool for discipline. (Blank off #3 which will count as 0 and use it as required)
Orgasm control & discipline
o Have her roll it as and when desired. The corresponding number could be total orgasms for the day.
o Number of days with no touching.
o 3x rolls could be number of spanks, etc.
o Using your own personal touch and imagination can produce limitless uses and make her feel closer to you.
Trust and communication are essential for a successful relationship. Without either of these in place the relationship is doomed for failure. Make every effort to stay in contact with your partner and as often as time allows. Skype every day, if possible, and make every effort to stay in contact during the day, something such as a quick ‘thinking of you’ or ‘hi, how are you?’ can make all the difference to your partners day. Use all available media and technology to communicate.
Text, call, email, IM, send photos or a video message.
It’s so important to be part of each other’s every day routine and life. Remember special occasions and send cards and gifts. Send your partner a gift to give them a physical reminder of you, something to touch, to hold or to look at. Sending a personal item for them to hold or cuddle can be comforting for those times when the distance can be a little overwhelming. A few examples of what to send:
- A mug or coffee cup
- Tie or cufflinks
- Stuffies
- Hand written letter
- Framed photo of yourself
- An item of your clothing (hoodie, sweatshirt, scarf, plaid shirt, etc.)
- PJ’s or a ‘onesie’ to wear and sleep in
Do not try to control your partner or question their every move. Give them space to live their normal life outside of the relationship. If you cannot trust your partner and become jealous or suspicious of them this will pretty much guarantee the end of the LDR. Don’t constantly demand to know their whereabouts, what they are doing or who they are with.
Trying to monitor them constantly will only show your lack of trust you have towards your partner. It all boils down to loyalty and commitment. Your partner chose to be in an LDR and accepts the challenges a distance relationship brings with it. There’s a fine line between jealously and envy. You may envy your partners friends who can visit them anytime or call to arrange to meet for a coffee. But if you are jealous or annoyed with them, your relationship will suffer and deteriorate.
Family commitments, appointments, time with friends, etc. all need to be maintained and encouraged for both partners. If you feel the need to be constantly ‘online’ with your partner for fear they will disappear then you are not living in a trusted relationship. Learn to let go and let them have their freedom. You should be confident and secure in the LDR to know they will always come back to you.
Plans for the future in a committed LDR? Discuss when you are planning on meeting. Set a target date/time of when and where and how often this will take place.
Be supportive and make the effort to be there when your partner needs you. Try and make yourself available to offer comfort and support, especially when the distance can become an emotional strain. Sometimes just making yourself available for your partner is all that is required. Knowing the other person is ‘there’ can be very comforting and reassuring.
If both partners have a demanding schedule then it would be advisable to keep a diary or online calendar. Don’t suddenly spring a prior arrangement on your partner when you have both made plans to spend time together. Trust me, this is very annoying and brings unnecessary strain to the relationship. Again, without wanting to sound contradictory, there may be times when a ‘spur of the moment’ family commitment occurs. This can and does happen, don’t get upset with your partner. I can assure you they will be equally as disappointed as you are!
Not often mentioned in any LDR essay is time difference. For those couples living in different countries this is one of the most difficult, and sometimes stressful, parts to a LDR. Even a few hours’ time difference can be difficult to work around. How both partners deal with this is up to them to decide. There is no right or wrong way to advise on this or approach a solution. Manage your time; be prepared for late nights or early mornings. W/we have a system that works for us.
Week days, we have a bedtime set for these nights but at the weekend it’s more flexible. It is very easy and tempting to stay awake when you should be sleeping but I can guarantee you this… you will become constantly tired if you continue in this way and your sleep will be disrupted. Find a system that suits you both and stay within the agreement.
Contemplation: Sticking With Plans
It’s something that I finally realized as a major problem LDR couples face as “discrimination” from the outside world that includes family and friends is the concept of LDR couples having plans and spending time with each other.
I use the word “discrimination” because in many cases even though an LDR is acknowledged as a “real” relationship, there is always that feeling that LDR plans can be treated as secondary to “real life” plans. Some friends can be good about it no doubt, but then there is almost always that odd friend or family member who just takes it for granted that a person in an LDR can’t possibly have a specific plan or routine to spend time with their SO (Significant Other).
It’s not something you can easily overcome, but it’s also not something that should be left unacknowledged. I wouldn’t be surprised if individuals within the relationship themselves tend to overlook the importance of making plans and going through with them. I personally don’t think that LDR plans ought to be any more fluid or flexible as real life plans and/or treated any differently.
My advice is to think about it this way. Treat and think of LDR plans to talk, spend time together the exact same way you would treat a plan with an SO In Real Life.
I think this is an inherent weakness of an LDR but it can be overcome with recognition and communication.
The Long Distance D/s Relationship
domwithpen:
I’ve been asked many times to give my opinion or offer advice on how to negotiate a long distance Dominant/submissive relationship. I’ve been reluctant to write this piece because I’ve never been in one. However, based on the volume of LDR-related questions I receive, I thought it was worth while to compose this.
Is this what I want?
I want you to ask yourself this question: Why do I want to be in a LDR? I don’t have a quippy, canned response; but LDRs come with far more challenges than short-distance relationships, so it follows that you ought to be very clear why you’re choosing in to an LDR.
When you choose a LDR, you are choosing OUT of a close-distance possibility. You may not be aware of the possibility, but you’re closing the door on it. You’re choosing to occupy your energy, attention and focus on someone else. You’re going to miss out on other opportunities.
Ask yourself how important physical touch is to you. Technology is amazing; but you can send text messages every five minutes and skype every night and still not ever touch the person you love. Is that really what you want?
If, after reading all of that, you’re still 100% committed to driving down this road, read on.
I’m writing these tips from the Dominant perspective, so if you’re a submissive, I suggest you share this article with your partner. My tips for negotiating a long-distance, D/s relationship are all based around structure and accountability – not that different than my advice for a close-distance relationship.
How Do I Structure My Relationship?
Create Boundaries and expectations. Will you see other people IRL ()In Real Life)? Online? Be clear and explicit, or feelings will be hurt.
Create scheduled check-in times. I recommend three levels: text, phone, and Skype. During a work day, I recommend a minimum of 3 text check-ins and one phone check in. For example, I would expect my girl to text me 3 times during the day, once before 10AM, once before Noon, and once before 4PM.
One of the check-ins must be a picture of herself. The phone call would be scheduled – for example, 6PM for at least 20 minutes. The Skype would be at bed time. Side note for Dominants – you need to setup check-ins for yourself as well. Your partner needs to know when s/he can expect to hear from you. Building trust is about consistency; this is NOT a one-way street.
Weekly Date Night. Set aside a night each week that’s just about you and your partner. No distractions, no other obligations, just two laptops and quality time.
Undies control. I’m a big believer in this for close-distance relationships too. Doms – have a photo-catalog of your submissive’s undies on your phone, and pick them out each day. This way you will have control over the fabric touching your most precious possession’s most tender parts each day. Submissives- this is a great way to remind yourself who’s in charge, but also to feel close to your Dominant.
Bed time and wake-up time. If you’re in love, you want that person to be your first and last thought of the day. What better way to do this than sending a picture of you in bed to your Dominant to show you’re obeying his schedule?
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