Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
conclusivechaos:
From my experience, anyone can set up a dynamic. The basics are fairly consistent… tell me a bit about yourself, let me share a bit more about me with you, what are your goals? What do you want? What are you working on? How can I help? Here are some things I’d like you to do that I think would help…This is what I think might be helpful. Try this. Do this…
It’s an evolution over time but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to set up a dynamic. I’m sorry, y’all. It doesn’t (*hides under table, please don’t throw things at me*). There are books on it, there are structures, guidelines, resources. Good Dominants do just that – they can play by the rules, they have the general concepts down, they follow the First, do not harm rule, they make a genuine effort, it’s from a place of caring and concern.
And here’s where the dividing line is between a good Dominant and a great Dominant:
And here’s where the dividing line is between a good Dominant and a great Dominant:
Emotion.
It’s not some weird vortex of a hyper emotional submissive and an emotionally bereft Dominant. And that’s what makes the difference; a great Dominant is emotional… they are protective, they are fierce, they get possessive, they get angry, they get hurt, they allow themselves to feel. I look at a Dominant to see how they respond to their own emotions (and mine).
It feels like there is a genuine belief that every behavior is somehow caused and there is a self-reflection pause to see if there is something they have done to cause the moment to go awry. When their submissive is misbehaving, they approach it with curiosity and compassion versus sheer force of will. They intervene. They don’t stay silent. They don’t let bad behavior continue.
It’s not some weird vortex of a hyper emotional submissive and an emotionally bereft Dominant. And that’s what makes the difference; a great Dominant is emotional… they are protective, they are fierce, they get possessive, they get angry, they get hurt, they allow themselves to feel. I look at a Dominant to see how they respond to their own emotions (and mine).
It feels like there is a genuine belief that every behavior is somehow caused and there is a self-reflection pause to see if there is something they have done to cause the moment to go awry. When their submissive is misbehaving, they approach it with curiosity and compassion versus sheer force of will. They intervene. They don’t stay silent. They don’t let bad behavior continue.
They have the conversations that need to be had. They say the things that need to be said. They don’t avoid these talks until it starts to fester inside. They aren’t afraid to have meta-talks. They are able to explain their reasoning and logic without feeling like it is an assault on their position, and approach their submissive with respect.
They hurt when their submissive hurts.
They can acknowledge pain, wrongdoing, miscommunication.
They can own their side of the equation. They can do what needs to get done.
They are willing to sacrifice of themselves not only when things are easy and going their way but when doing what’s needed would hurt them or be diffifcult, too.
They place my well-being, my needs above their own desires, suffering, emotions. But they still feel.
I think that’s my take away; a great Dominant will hurt as much as I’m hurting. They will feel as much as I’m feeling; their response is different than mine but they don’t shrink away from sharing in the pleasure and the pain.
They are just as vulnerable as I am; they show up with just as much emotion as I do. It looks different from each end but it’s there. They love just as ferociously as I do.
What differentiates a “good” Dominant from a great one?
They hurt when their submissive hurts.
They can acknowledge pain, wrongdoing, miscommunication.
They can own their side of the equation. They can do what needs to get done.
They are willing to sacrifice of themselves not only when things are easy and going their way but when doing what’s needed would hurt them or be diffifcult, too.
They place my well-being, my needs above their own desires, suffering, emotions. But they still feel.
I think that’s my take away; a great Dominant will hurt as much as I’m hurting. They will feel as much as I’m feeling; their response is different than mine but they don’t shrink away from sharing in the pleasure and the pain.
They are just as vulnerable as I am; they show up with just as much emotion as I do. It looks different from each end but it’s there. They love just as ferociously as I do.
What differentiates a “good” Dominant from a great one?
No comments:
Post a Comment