Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

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Kink can be practiced while being involved in different ‘relationships’. These may include playing together with a friend (or even acquittance), as a service (paying a Mistress for her services, for example), with a stranger (at a party or club) or with your loving partner. At Bedroom Bondage, we are all about exploring kink as a couple, so that is what I’ll be writing about.

Trust & Safety

There’s a good reason that I start out with this one. Nothing is more important than being able to put your full trust in your partner, and it is such a beautiful thing when you can. You know each other well, and should not have to worry about your play time turning into a bad experience because, for example, your partner does not respect your boundaries. 

A lot of people seem to think that it is all about being beaten up and tortured, but the ones that know better are very aware that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Domination and submission is always a matter of consent.Being able to completely give yourself to your lover is an incredibly sexy, freeing feeling! When your man has all the control over your body, you will be very aware of every little bit of it, enhancing all sensations.

Feeling Comfortable

Believe me, the more comfortable you feel with your partner, the sexier you’ll feel, and the hotter it’ll get! You’ll be way more relaxed about revealing your deepest, darkest desires… Who knows what kind of dirty wishes the two of you share without even realising it? 

Aftercare

Something that should never be missing. When the submissive is totally exhausted, loving care from her Master is the cherry on a already delicious cake. It simply makes the whole experience even better, when he drapes a soft blanket over you, brings you something to drink (I always seem to be up for a big glass of juice or water myself after such intense hours), gives you a nice massage… 

I honestly couldn’t say what would be better than to be softly kissed, ‘I love you’ being whispered in my ear, and sweetly fall asleep after this kinky, sexy intimate moment together.When you take good care of your submissive, she’ll take good care of you, too. That’s exactly what it’s all about. Not just for the submissive to take care of her Master, but to take care of each other.

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Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

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The world is full of relationship advice, from magazines to the Internet to conversations with your friends and family. Everyone has their own theories on what works and what doesn’t, and there’s so much out there it’s hard to know what to listen to. For every good piece of advice out there, there is bad advice too. Here’s what to listen to, and what you should ignore:

Listen

· Don’t sweat the small stuff. This is great advice because it tells you to focus more on the big picture of your relationship than every minor problem. Basically, if you love each other and are a good match, then the little arguments about what movie to see don’t matter.

· Don’t go to bed angry. In other words, deal with your problems right away. Letting things brew over time can build resentment and make the problem even bigger. Get into the habit of talking it out right away will clear up issues before they have a chance to grow into something bigger.

· White lies are ok sometimes. In general, honesty is the best policy. But sometimes a white lie is ok, especially when you want to spare your partners feelings from being hurt. It’s ok to tell them that their cookies are delicious, even if they aren’t, or that you love the sweater they bought you, even if you don’t. Sometimes keeping the peace and making them feel good is better than brutal honesty.

· Laugh it off. Couples who can laugh together and can have fun together even when times are tough, have a great chance of a lasting relationship. Life throws some hard stuff at us sometimes, and if you can have fun together and laugh even when things are bad, you are well on your way to happiness together.

· Don’t assume. Try to stop making assumptions about what your partner thinks/feels/wants. Making assumptions can be dangerous because you can read a situation the wrong way and get offended for no reason. Or, you can think your partner is happy with something when they really aren’t. It’s always best to ask them directly about what they’re feeling instead of making assumptions.

Ignore

· Make him/her jealous. Any advice that tells you to play games in order to win your partner’s attention or affection is bad advice. Don’t try to flirt with other people to make your partner jealous. It could just hurt them and drive them away instead of bringing you closer together and they may wonder if they can really trust you.

· Don’t be too available. There are all sorts of rules about how much time you should spend with someone when you start dating, but the simple truth is this: if you like each other and want to hang out, do it. Don’t pretend to be busy or put restrictions on yourself because of what other people say you should do. Just go with what feels right.

· Don’t call for 2 days. This is another example of pretending to feel something other than what you do. If you like someone, just call. Don’t worry about waiting a certain length of time in order to appear cool.

· Be with someone who loves you more than you love them. Don’t bother with the power struggle over who is more into whom. A healthy relationship is based on balance and equality, not on one of you being more desirable or having more power.

· All you need is love. While loving each other is important, it doesn’t solve all of your problems or mean that you’re right for each other. There are some issues that aren’t fixed just by loving each other. Only you can know what’s right for your relationship and for you, no matter how much you love each other.

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

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How will you know when you’ve found “The One”? What’s the difference between someone you really like and your soul mate? Here are some clues that you’ve found “The One”:

Unexplainable feeling. We always hear people say that you just know it when you’ve found the one. When you ask someone how they knew they were with their soul mate, they’ll often respond that they can’t quite explain it but they “just knew”. You can’t put your finger on it, but there’s a feeling you get when you’ve hit the nail on the head. If you have to ask, you probably haven’t found it yet.

You get each other. If you and your partner just get each other, they could be the one. When you understand each other without having to work at it, you’re definitely on to something. It’s easy to be around someone who gets you and understands your personality without having to try too hard.

It’s easy. Some people in your life take a lot of effort to be around. Maybe you feel like you need to entertain them or work hard to make conversation. When you’ve found “The One”, it’s just easy. You can hang out and do anything and still have fun. Being together is effortless and enjoyable without either of you having to be “on”.

You fit into each other’s lives. Even when you’re both busy, do you easily fit into each other’s lives? If you are able to blend your friends together, spend time with each other’s families and just generally “fit” together, chances are you’ve found something special.

People are happy for you. If you’ve found “The One”, chances are it shows. You’re probably happy and giving off a positive, relaxed energy. People around you like your friends and family love seeing you this way and can tell that the relationship is good for you. They’re happy for you because they can sense how happy you are.

You are best friends. You know you’ve found “The One” when you become best friends. Are they the first person you want to call when something good happens? When something bad happens? When something funny happens? They should be your “go-to” person for just about everything.

You’re there for each other no matter what. Do you and your partner support each other through thick and thin? Do you have their back and do they have yours? If so, then they could definitely be “The One”. When you’re able to support each other through all of life’s ups and downs, highs and lows, you’ve definitely got a good thing going.

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

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If you aren’t feeling fully satisfied in your relationship there’s a lot you can do to ensure that you’re getting what you want and need from your partner. This doesn’t include dropping hints and playing games, but taking a more open and honest approach. Here’s how to get what you really want from your relationship:

Ask straight up. Your partner is not a mind reader; so don’t expect them to just know what you want from them. If you want more affection or better communication, just tell them straight up without making them guess.

Give examples. Don’t just say that you want them to be more romantic, but give examples of what that means to you. They’ll have a better idea of what specifically you want and they’ll know right away what they need to do.

Demonstrate. If you want them to do something like communicate with you more throughout the day, then lead by example and do the same yourself.

Tell them how it makes you feel. If you tell them how it makes you feel to not be getting what you want, it will show them the reasons why they need to make the effort. They may not be talking about their feelings more or whatever it may be, because they don’t know how important it is. If they know that you feel sad or hurt, they’ll be more likely to make changes, because they don’t want you to feel that way.

Show gratitude. When they do start making changes and giving you what you’ve asked for, make sure to show your appreciation. Let them know that you appreciate that they are making an effort.
Give them something. Treat this like a trade. If they do something that you want, you should reciprocate by doing something that they want. If they start talking about their feelings more, you could show more affection, or do something that’s important to them.

Reinforce. Confirm that they are doing the right things by giving them positive reinforcement. Tell them how much it means to you that they are making an effort to make you happy. They won’t keep up any changes if you don’t show positive reinforcement that they’re getting it right.

Use an ultimatum as a last resort. Only if you are feeling really dissatisfied in your relationship and have tried communicating your needs in the ways listed above, should you use an ultimatum. Tell them that if they can’t or won’t give you what you need in the relationship then you’ll be forced to leave. This is a powerful move, and you have to be prepared to actually follow through with it if you want them to take you seriously, so make sure that you use it only as a last resort, not as a starting point.

What Is Real Love?

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I’d like to make something clear about love… I believe that deep down each one of us knows what real love is but, despite that knowledge, along the way we get extremely confused. So confused, that we want to turn something that isn’t love into love so badly, that we break our own hearts in trying to do so.

What Is Real Love?

Real love is not the butterflies in your stomach at first look or first kiss. It is friendship, it is realizing that you enjoy spending time with that person, time that does not revolve solely around being physical. 

Real love is not about presents or status or expensive gifts. It’s about running through the rain, going to the movies, or simply taking a walk and sharing your thoughts. It’s about wanting to please each other and being attentive.

Real love is not selfish. It is putting the other person, always, before yourself.

Real love is not about making excuses. It is knowing, without a doubt that whatever is nagging at you is simply a misunderstanding, easily cleared up with a quick conversation.

Real love is not when you feel relief when he calls/texts you, but when you feel calmness and peacefulness with the lull of his voice. Real love is not wondering if he will call, it is knowing that he will. 

Real love is not when he opens the car door for you out of mere courtesy. It is when he opens that car door for you and looks deep into your eyes to make sure you are settled in comfortably. 

Real love is not texting and talking through the night because you are afraid that you may not have another chance to talk to them come tomorrow. It’s when you say goodnight, knowing that they will be there tomorrow.

Real love is not waiting for x amount of time to talk to each other after a date. It is an overwhelming desire to be in touch as soon as you leave. 

Real love isn’t when you feel vulnerable. It is being vulnerable and still feeling strong.
Real love is not about indifference. It is about showing interest in what interests you, even if it is not their interest.

Real love is not being afraid to express your concerns for the fear of complicating the relationship or being called emotional. Real love is full of concerns, conflicts and emotions. 

Real love isn’t about walking on eggshells afraid to do/say something wrong. It is the empowerment of being accepted and wanted, simply for being you, with your flaws.

Real love is not about jealousy, it is about trust and knowing that you are their only one.

Real love is not about smooth sailing. Real love is like being out in the ocean through thunder and lightning and huge scary waves.

How do you know if someone truly loves you?

You will feel that they love you if and when they stay by you through the storm and smile with you, still holding you in their arms after the storm has passed. If you have to sit there and wonder, what if I had said x or did z differently then they wouldn’t have fallen out of love with me, then it wasn’t real love.

When it is just infatuation, lust, or desire, these feelings can not stand strong through time and with any slight disturbance they start to wither away and one is left with nothing. In a real love relationships when these elements start to wither away you are left with a friend and with respect, with someone who wants you by their side, and who will be by your side. 

Someone who just likes you, sees the fire dying away and instead of turning away and starting a new fire somewhere else, they keep working on your fire, blowing on the little flame to make it bigger. They keep searching and finding little dried twigs to add to that fire just like you do. It takes two people to keep that fire going, if it is just one person doing all the work the fire will simply die away eventually.

Remember lust and infatuation only last so long, don’t keep those rose colored glasses on simply because you do not want to admit that that’s all it was. Accept it as is, desiring someone to the point of surrender is great but that’s all it is, a surrender to a moment in time. Pick yourself up and find someone who will love you for you, beyond simple lust, beyond the overwhelming desire, someone who is a true friend, someone who gives you as much as you give to them.

Don’t Waste Your Time

Be Yourself - If you don’t want to waste your time with someone who may not be in love with you, just be yourself, don’t hold back. If you find that you are hesitating in doing so, that is your first red flag. You are better off finding out sooner rather than later if they are truly into you or just your physique.

Have Your Own Interests/Hobbies - When you see that you are becoming obsessed, take a step back and get a better perspective. Don’t forget that you have a life too and it does not yet revolve around this person nor should your life ever revolve around someone else. You should always have a dose of independence (a healthy dose is for you to figure out). If you make your life about someone else, eventually you will begin to be resentful, because the other person, no matter how much they may love you can not make everything about you.

Be Confident/Independent - Expanding a bit on the above point, if you have your interests you will be more confident and naturally come off as independent. No one likes a super needy person. When people see that they have to work a bit for your attention, they appreciate it more. And if in the end, things don’t work out it won’t feel like the end of the world, because there are other elements of your life that keep you busy and make you feel important and valuable.

Don’t Be Confused - If you have any confusion whatsoever about how a person feels about you, then they are not serious about you. When someone is serious they leave you with no doubts.

Don’t Listen, Observe Instead - Anyone can promise anything, it’s the action behind the promises that speaks to the person’s character. Actions without words are confusing (see previous point) and words without action are just words. Make sure there is a balance between the two.

Don’t confuse infatuation with love. I know it is really easy to do but if you see red flags, don’t ignore them. It will only make the end that much more difficult. See things for what they are. If you want fun, enjoy fun, but if you want deepness and meaning don’t make excuses for anything less.

The Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

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1. Giving and receiving unconditional love

2. Having a solid friendship

3. A commitment to understand each other, and each other’s perspective on things

4. Having a relationship that is built on trust

5. Having, and demonstrating, genuine respect for one another

6. Sharing common values

7. Maintaining open communication, and making time to talk and share what’s on your heart

8. Not assuming you can read each other’s mind

9. Being able to disagree and argue in a respectful way

10. Relationship decisions are discussed and made jointly

11. Sharing laughter and fun

12. Doing things you enjoy together

13. Supporting each other’s individual interests (whether we share those interest or not)

14. Being willing to give and take, to be flexible and to compromise at times

15. Having time apart as well as together; having separate friends that you see on your own.