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Papa Tony:
I have met tens of thousands of kinky gay-male Doms since 1977. In the early days, I had dozens of mentors. In the last couple of decades, I have directly mentored a lot of Doms who have gone on to great success..
Don't compare yourself to me, or to any other Dom. That's a loser's game, and you can never win. This has never been a competition. Sure - I have been doing this a long time. Very likely, you aren't as far along. However, we are both on the same path to growth, wisdom, and greater adventures. You are exactly as valid as I am. We all had to start somewhere.
There are a lot of bottoms. There are fewer kinky subs, but there are much fewer Doms with any level of experience. We are as rare as Snow Leopards. The market is wide open, and crying out for more Doms who have found their centers.
The sooner that you LIKE yourself this way, the way that you are TODAY, the sooner you'll take some chances, learn some new useful techniques and gain confidence. Don't wait for some day when you have a bigger dick, a flatter tummy, bigger muscles, can afford a $3,000 outfit or magically become younger. You are an intense object of desire RIGHT NOW.
For every kind of man, there are men who love that kind of man, despite the messages that you get from Tumblr sites: "Oh, look! Everybody is having a rocking good time except for me! Something must be wrong with my looks/age/skin color/whatever."
I speak with great authority, because I am actively in the world as a man who loves himself, flaws and all. I carry myself with grace and kindness, and I respect those around me. If I cared only about exterior beauty, it would be trivial for me to enjoy sex and kinky play with six new porn-actor pretty men, every single day. When I was young, that was fun. Now, I need more.
If I go out to public leathermen's parties, I tend to be the oldest, fattest , hairiest man in the building. And the boys jump all over me, wanting to have some of what I have. It's all very nice to gain some external validation. I will admit that. But I am also sad, because so many of my brothers who WANT to be Sirs suffer from Imposter Syndrome, added onto the usual and typical gay-male Body Dysmorphia.
If you don't have a mentor in your personal life, then here is a path toward confidence. I guarantee it:
Study my Mentoring page. Go deep into it, and at least try to do what you are being shown. There is a lot of accumulated wisdom in there. Many hundreds of men who have done this have SUCCEEDED, and are much happier. Don't be a picky creature, saying "Oh, I would never like that!" How will you know unless you try? What if it turns out to be your superpower? I ask that you be open to new possibilities.
Take some chances, and ask for feedback from the subs you are practicing with. Admit that you are still learning. I promise, the subs who would reject you for being honest and open are NOT the sort that would add value to your life.
It's okay to fall into self-pity sometimes. We all do it. It's the human condition. After you've wallowed around in your pity-pool for a while, please keep challenging yourself to get to your next level of achievement. A little bit of confidence can make entirely new doors open for you, that you would never have been able to see before.
The subs are waiting for you to step into your power, and to find out just how big and strong your wings are!
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