Monday, September 10, 2018

Opinions

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!


Sharing some ideas that might work well for others.
These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.



Real Life Is Not A Porn Video. Adjust Your Expectations Accordingly - Life is NOT like what you see on the screen

D/s is a Relationship Style. BDSM is a Sexual Style - Just because D/s and BDSM are more often seen together, doesn’t mean that they aren’t mutually exclusive.

Twenty Years of Kink - But I’ll tell you what: If the next twenty bring as much joy as the last twenty, I’m in for a helluva ride. And I want all of it - every bump and swoop and whirl. The twists and turns are what make you who you are.

Healthy Master-slave Relationships, Defined - If someone is forcing you to do something, he is not an alpha, and if he is not an alpha then what are you doing with him anyways. When you meet a true alpha, your instincts will guide you. Stay safe.

Rights for Dominants - The dom is in control. And yet – doms are just humans too. Having bad days, and needs, and problems. And sometimes this gets lost in the idea that Doms always have to be strong and always in control.

What Differentiates A Good Dominant From A GREAT Dominant? - A great Dominant will hurt as much as I’m hurting. They will feel as much as I’m feeling; their response is different than mine but they don’t shrink away from sharing in the pleasure and the pain.

Orgasm Control vs. Denial - Let’s break Control into short term, and long term as Denial. There are many reasons to use edge and denial (short term) control regimes with a sub/bottom –too many to delve into here.

Putting the Stereotypes to Rest - In no particular order of importance, here are the most pressing sources of dumbfuckery in this week’s “What the actual fuck did I just read on Tumblr?”

Wheat, Chaff and Reality - The internet has opened up what was a very structured and tight-knit community to the curious. The majority don’t respect or know about the traditions of the BDSM community…

The Bliss of Consensual Slavery - Slavery is about the transfer of sovereignty and authority. It is an agreement one first makes with himself. The focus of his life should be directed away from himself, and toward someone greater.

What It Means To Fall In Love With A Sadist - When I love you
I want to hurt you.
The more I care for you
The more I want you to suffer for me.

Why A Beating Can’t Be Beaten - Yes, it can simply be about the Dom's pleasure, the truly sadistic Dom will love to hear the screams, feel the power from the suffering He is inflicting… But there are many other reasons to beat the slave…

The Experiment, Gone Wrong - This taught me that BDSM is a game, in real life and online, but also not a game. You can get hurt. Physically and emotionally, as well as experience intensities of surrender and bliss that i hitherto had not felt.

The Profound Effect Of Total Isolation - i wrote that Master put me in isolation for several days over the new year and that the effects on me were profound. It has taken me a few days to be able to put down in writing my thoughts about this experience.

It’s not your fault. - Society sets up expectations of subs being treated poorly because as a sexual minority we are already used to this from other people, and that makes us very easy targets for people like this.

Pigeon Hole: "A Neat Category Which Usually Fails To Reflect Actual Complexities" - It’s fine and good if that fits the reality inside the head of the Master but it’s not so good if the Master happens to enjoy being the bottom?

BDSM: Isn’t That A Sex Thing?
it’s also a personal expression thing
it’s also a communication thing
it’s also an acceptable thing.

Why I Am A Fan Of Pain - I am a sadist. I am a person who enjoys inflicting pain on his submissives. I have however, also come to learn that I exclusively enjoy inflicting pain on men who enjoy having pain inflicted on them.

Equal Time - One of the things that porn never shows us is the amount of work and communication that Masters and slaves need to put in to make their relationship work. Good communication is critical to successful power exchange…

Connection Comes In Many Forms - The feel of your hand, the mark of your belt, the taste of your sweat, your cock in my mouth, the sting of the cane, the message you sent, waiting on my knees by the door, the sound you make when you cum…

Flagging Lavender, and Old Guard - Hanky code: Lavender. Does anyone know what it really mean?  Does it really exist within the Old Guard community?

Adapting To The Scene As An Amputee - When I had to interact with people that I had once considered my community I was uncomfortable and unsure of myself. That was a really uncomfortable feeling.

Collaring… All Types - Heavily updated, and packed with real-world wisdom: Collaring… All Types, and Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring. A collar is the most powerful symbol of ownership and commitment in the BDSM community. A collar should be earned, not given lightly.

Cultivating Bravery - Dominant or submissive, it takes a lot of bravery to be who you are. As a submissive it takes a lot of bravery to leave your body in the care of another man.  As a dominant, it takes a lot of bravery to embrace exactly who you are…

Nourishment For The Isolated Gay Men’s Kinky Souls - Listening in on Men's Discussion audio recordings.  Hugely popular, worldwide.

The Element Of Trust - Is a true Dom one who can use his/her power of persuasion to convince the sub to actually beg for and accept conditions they might otherwise reject?

The Path Toward Wisdom - If I have a definition of power exchange, it would be two people – one a yin and the other a yang; one naturally dominant and the other naturally submissive. Both are strong in their own way…

Kinky Superpower - If you could choose any kinky super power what would it be? If can be a super power that exists in comics already but for a kinky purpose or it can be something you make up entirely.

Red Flags Need Context - I’ve spoken to a few people who call themselves Doms. Red flags everywhere, of course, but what does one do with a red flag?

Mind Control and Submission - “In X-men Professor X has the telepathic power to control people’s minds and make them do what he wants. If a submissive had that power, and made a man dominate him… is he really being dominated?”

A Good Necessary Structure for a Submissive to be Trained - Power Exchange centers on trust, a trust that comes from knowing that the dominant, empowered, partner will use his power wisely, and ultimately to mutual benefit.

Things are Changing for the Better.  I Promise. - Little by little, power exchange relationships have come out of the closet in select parts of the country. Sirs and subs are revealing that they are in M/s relationships.

True Master, True slave - A slave should know his place, and know what he is worth…

Finding Permanent Pride In Who We Are - Getting past negative programming

The Element Of Trust - Is a true Dom one who can use his/her power of persuasion to convince the sub to actually beg for and accept conditions they might otherwise reject?

The Kinsey Conundrum - How can folks actually be bisexual?

The New Puritans - Getting past other people's judgments

Body-Shaming Yourself - It does nobody any good

This is Why You Shouldn't Kink-Shame - That Which You Resist, Persists.

Bottom-Shaming Hurts Everybody - It even harms the Sirs that might perpetuate it, without being conscious of the damaging 'internal-loathing' effect

Age And Youth - The blessings in an age difference.

Increasing The Odds For Our Submissive Brothers - Why I help Doms, in order to help subs!

Non-Verbal Communication, Via What We Wear - How to signal what you want

- Trying to see other people's perspectives

Just A Friendly Reminder… - I know there’s a lot of really heavy and intense things on Tumblr that reflect a fantasy world of BDSM. There’s a lot of people out there that will tell you that you have to obey without question…

My Best Life Lesson - Being openly affectionate and respectful does not make you look weak.  In fact, it builds up an enormous amount of wind beneath your wings.  

A Brutally Frank Message to My Fellow Older Gay Leathermen - In praise of handing everything away to our younger leaders

Younger Doms are Valid, Too - We are all on the same path

High Protocol Relationships - Not sure where fact or fiction ends, here

The Value of Switches - Life is not just two boxes, marked 'black" and 'white.'

Why the Kink Community Hates 'Fifty Shades of Gray' - I'm pretty new to the BDSM stuff, and was curious why everyone says 50 Shades was so bad. I hope that's not a stupid question…

There's Nothing Wrong With Admitting That You Were Once Toxic - A lesson in humility.  “I’m a good person. I do good things”, “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone”, “It’ll be okay if I only do it this once”…

Why I Am A Fan Of Pain - A great primer on the fun of pain play

How To Apologize - A grownup man lets go of his ego and admits guilt. Yes, even kinky folks need to know this.  Play-scenes don't always turn out right.

'Flexibility' Versus 'Rigidity' - Two extreme interpretations of what kink really is

Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Poor Dominants? - Being burdened with the expectations of others.  As a submissive type (or s-type) in the nomenclature of this subculture, and as a (wannabe) slave, I’ve talked to a lot of Dominants, often for months, and have met with a few in real life.

Differences between a Sir/boy relationship and a Master/slave relationship - To me, it's all about service

The Glass Orb - Everyone has a certain amount of control in/over their own lives.  Imagine your control as a Glass Orb. A ball of thin glass, a smooth sphere, crystalline, shining with reflected light.

What It Means When I Swat Your Ass - You’re mine. Behave. I love you. Look, everyone, this belongs to me. Later, I’m going to do this much harder.

Subs Are Not Some Objects An Alpha (Ab)uses And Tosses Away. - Subs are human beings with whom you reach happiness together. They are (your) subs, because they wanted to submit to you, they desire your domination.

Self Respect And The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Damn - Too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too scrawny, too muscular, too femme, too masculine, too enthusiastic, too emotional…..

Demanding Self-Proclaimers - Know your worth boys, don’t go for guys like this. And other Sirs? I’m watching. You can and should do better than this. Our power as Sirs comes in enticing a submissive to submit. Anything else is illegal.

Fantasy vs. Reality - I love your blog but I especially advocate treating your subs right. A lot of D/s blogs on tumblr are too heavy on the fantasy and its sad to see people think that's how it should be.

The Leash Is Symbolic - But the real power is in the boy’s authentic submission, not by force, but given freely.

There is No Shame in Using a Safeword - I typically don’t need safe words with my boys as I’m very good at reading their contractions from things and adjusting. I check in a lot as well. But I usually have one established just in case.

Distance and Closeness - Closeness is also very important and is represented by presence of the Master and occasional benefits, such as touch, pats and easy to hug. A loving togetherness is not a contradiction to a master-slave relationship.

Understanding the Controlling Power of Master/slave intimacy - Over time, a committed Master/slave relationship, develops an intimacy whereby each partner can intuit the other’s needs, thoughts, desires and moods at any given moment.


How-To: Hard Skills

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!



Covering technical skills that will last you a lifetime These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories. There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.


I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.



Flogging For Beginners (On Both Ends Of The Flogger): Video Instruction - Watched by over a quarter-million folks, worldwide, in FIVE places on the Web.  INCLUDES LINKS TO VERY ADVANCED INSTRUCTIONS

Flogging With Intention - Horizontal Style

Whips and Canes - Over the weekend i did a stock-taking on Master’s collection of floggers, whips, canes and batons. I thought that it would be interesting to write about them.

How To Fist Or Play Large, Anally - It is just a matter of relaxation, muscle control, plenty of lube, along with time and determination, and caution to do it right, at your body’s own pace.

Skin Care After a Beating - It’s really important to note that ESPECIALLY bruised areas and broken skin should be treated with ointment and a bandage and should NOT be struck for a good 2 weeks to let them heal up.

Sleepsack Bondage Safety Tips - “I’ve never been in leather like that. Or any now that I think about it. It must become incredibly hot and sweaty in there. It may be a dumb question but does he hydrate first?”

Best Chastity Letter Ever - I know you far better than you know yourself, and I understand that an exploration into your desires and fetish won’t work while we remain equal partners, so I’m making you my Chastity Boy.

How to properly worship a Man’s body - Worshipping a Man’s body is an art.  Before i ever physically worship a Man’s body, i worship it visually and verbally. Explore it with your eyes and show the Man your hunger and admiration for Him.

Fisting Do's and Don'ts - This is by no means a comprehensive list, and communication between you and your partner should trump all of this advice.

The Beginner’s Guide to Bondage and Domination - Domination/submission is more akin to a seduction. The Master seduces the slave with his power, the slave seduces the Master with their willingness and servitude.

Housekeeping for Subs - With much focus on sex in the Dom/sub world - I thought I’d write some useful, old-fashioned “good housekeeping” material for subs who may be interested in how to best serve their Dom/master/husband/Sir better.

Intensity Rating - A while ago, Master had me fill a sheet to rate the intensity/scare level of each torture method that we had tried since i submit. After several years of training, it just got updated.

What Does A Typical Edging Session With You Look Like? - I will share how I would generally approach a “garden variety” edging session.

Command! Don’t Ask! - First, a Dom should never shout or show anger. It doesn’t make your statements any stronger and it shows you are not really in control or you are losing it. A struggle for power isn’t fitting for a Dominant.

Observation - Playing with a Disability  - imperium2000: Yes, I have one. Several years back, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid. Yes, it sucks. No sense putting lipstick on a pig. Luckily, it often doesn’t interfere with play, but it can and has.

Public Scene: Barracks Bar in Palm Springs - Watch me in an actual scene with a stranger. I calibrate, check in, and use dozens of play-styles

Public Scene at the Faultline in LA, with Videos - I was showing off for the crowd, but I believe that these videos are also instructive.

Florentine Flogging, for Visual Learners, Plus Flame Whips and Poi! - How to become a sophisticated Flogging Top

Shutting Down a Scene - You mentioned  a Dom shutting down a scene if it got too intense for the sub to be able to use her safe word responsibly. What are the symptoms, so I can watch out for it and be aware?”

Ritual Conditioning - He applies control to the things I enjoy most: lifting, fucking, eating–conditioning me to associate him, and his power over me, with my most pleasurable and valuable experiences.

Florentine Flogging, Part Two: Practical Application - More about this advanced topic

For Tops: Preparation and Seduction, Before Fucking A Newbie's Ass - Easily my most-popular article, ever.

Slave Poses and Protocols -  DO have certain protocols that I use with my slaves, and that work really well for us. We only use them in public (and entirely non-verbally), and always while I am doing Top Talk with other Doms in a group…

 Effective Rule Making - Rules should help you craft the right headspace for your submissive. If you want him to feel like he’s in a highly disciplined environment you can certainly do that by creating a lot of rules.

Discipline - A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment.

Video Tutorial: The Champion Strut - Charisma at a distance

Ropey Beginner’s FAQ - A great resource for bondage beginners.

Safety for Submissives - Use rope rather than chain because it is easier to cut than chain and you can put a quick release “slip” in the knot so when you pull the end the knot comes undone...

Sub or Bottom Discovery - 'Stand up. Get undressed’ he said, whilst opening a draw and reaching for a blindfold. 'Put this on’. I did I was told. I motioned to speak, and he silenced me; then I knew my place…

A SUPERB Way To Murder a Submissive - Learn safe practices BEFORE you stumble forward into disaster!

Everything You Wanted To Know About The Prostate But Were Afraid To Ask! - I advocate PFE as a sexual practice because it teaches you micro-muscle control which is the “gold star” skill that can blow someone’s mind.

Flogger Cleaning and Storage - A few tips that might be of value

Pain Play, and Gaining Marks, Explained - There is a lot of good to be said about mutually-enjoyed pain play. A very small percentage of men have the ability to instantly convert pain into pleasure…

Leaving Marks on the Ass That Can't Get Enough - Every kind of impact play on buttocks. One of the men that I mentor has had the incredible good luck to find a submissive who adores heavy play on his ass. Questions arose as a result, and the video is meant to cover those questions.

The Tommy Tomcat: Video Instructions - An advanced toy for Tops who are ready for their next level up.

Punishing subs - One of the first quandaries I came across when exploring kink was how one punishes a submissive that enjoys pain or otherwise requires unconventional punishment. So I’m going to include some suggestions for punishments…

Cheap (but Effective) Kinkster Toys - I’m writing all these entries with newer kinksters in mind. New kinksters may have a rather small pool of toys, if any at all. So below you will find a number of cheap kinkster toys to get you started.

Planning A Scene - It is not always necessary to spend your time planning a scene. I do still plan scenes from time to time mostly to make sure I’ve covered all my bases and created an immersive experience.

Ball Gags - One of the first really scary experiences I had was with a ball gag. I had a boy tied up before me and put a ball gag in his mouth. We arranged a hand signal for use in checking in…

Milking - Is milking a load from your boy a reward for faithfully following your will in staying chaste? Is this a punishment for a chaste boy who did not do his chores for the 3rd week in a row?

Toybag Tour, Thud vs. Sting: Floggers and Whips and Such - Learn the Basics

Bondage For Lazy Doms: Shibari is gorgeous to look at, but I find that it’s just too time-consuming for me.

The 'Trophy' Boot Print - How to Reward a VERY good submissive

Relationships - Here are some definitions, tips, and advice I’d gotten from other couples I found useful (as well as from personal experience). If this works for you, great! If not, then feel free to ignore it.

The Mirror Technique - The only “dangers” inherent in this technique are those related to triggering or upsetting your submissive. So use this technique with someone you know. DO use this technique on men who enjoy humiliation or degradation.

Tips for Fancy Mummification - I have taught Mummification many times. It’s a lot of fun, and creative too. There are endless amounts of lessons online that teach the basics. The following is merely meant to inspire some creative ideas…

Tips For Verbal - Being verbal during sex is a bit of a challenge for many men. It’s a challenge for me as well. Regardless, there are a few tips for people trying to up their game when it comes to verbal.

A Punishment - I started seeing a new submissive a couple of weeks ago. He is a bit new to the scene, so we had some training to do. We slowly got to the point where he wanted me to take full control of his cock…

Creative Chastity - Find how to make chastity work for you and understand and accept that your chastity play may not look exactly like what’s on tumblr, but is valid nonetheless if it gives you what you want to get out of the experience.

14 Ways to Make a Submissive Feel Exposed - Some of this stuff is public play. Public play can be dangerous (thus the thrill) in the regard that you can get arrested for it. Try some of these at your own risk…

8 Uses for Sweaty Underwear - A chance for a little creativity for my own personal amusement (and of course, yours too dear reader). How many kinky uses can I come up with for my sweaty jocks and briefs?

Training, For a Boy - I feel that there’s some confusion about what training is and what it does for a boy. So I’m going to briefly discuss what training is and is not.

Kinky Playing Without Toys - I recently realized that I have never done an instructional video where I specifically avoid using any form of toys or props. The style of play is subtle, but INTENSE to experience, up close.

Full-Body Orgasms, In Less Than Sixty Seconds. Using Nothing But Your Voice - Long-term training for subs

Training and Protocols for a New Submissive - Another VERY popular article. All of this following advice assumes that the sub wants to be of service, and has lasting value for you… not just a passing, one-night stand...

Reviews of Kinky Products

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!



How to save money, time and wasted energy when shopping. These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.




Sex Toy Sources for the Isolated - Anonymous asked : Do you have any advice about websites to get dildos and buttplugs? I live in Bible Town and sex shops are outlawed. ;(

BDSM on a Budget - I was wondering if you have any suggestions for BDSM on a budget. My daddy is visiting soon and well, we like to be creative and cheap! Any ideas are appreciated!

Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More) - There’s more to bondage rope than meets the eye. Finding bondage rope - especially really good bondage rope - isn’t as simple as snagging 100 feet of clothesline at the hardware store and putting a bow on it.

Kinky Vacation Destinations - What's YOUR Suggestion?

Folsom Street Fair, San Francisco;
Up Your Alley Street Fair, San Francisco;
International Mr. Leather Contest Weekend (IML), Chicago;
Folsom Street East, New York City;

Review of Inexpensive, High-Quality Floggers - an old article, updated

Video Review of the 'Thumper' Flogger; with Demos - I review kinky toys periodically. Mostly, those that pertain to Impact Play, because that is my specialty.

The Tommy Tomcat: Video Instructions.  An advanced toy, between a singletail and a flogger.

PTSM Singletail Whip, with Instructional Video - Looking to get into singletail whipping?  Here is an excellent start.

Hand Porn, and Floggers… - @papatonyinsd uses and recommends Mr. Thuddy line as a solid “working” flogger for your first serious foray into floggers. (Not a cheapo “novelty item” but not overpriced art either at $45.00 USD)

Portable St. Andrew's Cross - If you can't have a full-time dungeon, here is a good alternative

9x6 Lube Review - It comes off pretty quickly and cleanly with soap and cold water.

My Custom-Ordered Kinky Boots - I decided that I had waited for too many years to get what I considered to be my Ultimate Fantasy Boot

Valuable Links & Lists

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!



Providing access to many more resources These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.




Glossary of BDSM Terms - SAFEWORD - A term in BDSM that relates to a word or phrase used for communication in a scene. Most commonly, a safeword is used by the submissive to end a scene because of pain or other problems.

Introduction To BDSM - Keeping in mind, that BDSM relationships are very flexible, and what doesn’t work for one person, might work for another. However, there are things in the BDSM community that absolutely SHOULD be standard, and SHOULD be mandatory.

Sample slave Contract - The slave is binding itself totally and completely, without limit (except as explicitly defined herein). slave relinquishes all and both explicit and presumed rights, privileges, prerogatives and status to Master.

Reasons for Spanking - You were naughty
You look like you were going to be naughty
I think you might have been naughty
You need to be reminded who is boss…

Doms Have Rights Too - The dom is in control.  And yet – doms are just humans too. Having bad days, and needs, and problems. And sometimes this gets lost in the “role” / stereotype of the dominant.

Seven Responsibilities of the Dominant - Being a Dominant may start out as just fun, kinky play - but when becoming involved and entangled in most D/s dynamics, you take on certain responsibilities along with that role.

Principles And Ground Rules For The Slave - It’s HIS decision. You may query an order if you need to find out more information or you need to make sure your Owner knows all the facts.

Nine Levels of submission - Within S/M, different people use the words “submissive”, “bottom” and “slave” to mean different things. When a person says, “I want to be your slave,” sometimes they only mean that they want to be tied up and spanked.

Quick Resource Guide For The LGBT Community - Anxiety, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Family and Friends, Healthy Relationships, Mental Health, Out and Proud and much more…

10 Commandments of Compulsory Chastity - 1. As your owner, owns every part of you he is entitled to determine which bits are used and when…

Financial Domination FAQ - Fin-Dom is a really, really touchy subject and quite taboo. This isn’t without good cause; there are a lot of ethical issues with the practise. So I’m going to do a FAQ, some myths and truths and then talk about some experiences.

The Periodic Table of Kinks - breederofbetas: I wanted to link the source blog (I believe) that this came from. I was VERY proud that my knowledge meant simply that I did not know 3 - 4 out of the 100+ kinks.

How to be a Good fag/slave - francodt: Many have asked how i do it, so want to pass along what has worked out for me as well as what hasn’t.

Leather Elder: Peter Fiske - He is quite a fine man, and a character who has been very generous with his wisdom and time, over many decades.

Audio from Men's Discussions - VERY popular posting.  Listened to by hundreds of thousands, worldwide.  I also talk about the value of these recordings here.

50 Ideas for Humiliating a Slave - Here are 50 scenarios of varying quality that would be humiliating for me to carry out if I were ordered to, Sir.

🎀 Submissive rules 🎀 for Bratty Subs - 1. I will not hum the theme from jeopardy while Sir decides which implement to spank me with.  2. I will not annotate Sir’s “to do” list.  3. I will not applaud when Sir uses big words... 

30 Kinky Terms Every Gay Man Should Know - I am astonished to find something this good on the Advocate Web site.

35 DOs and DON'Ts of a Gay Leather Bar - I was doing research for another article, and happened upon a VERY good article that covers the topic very well.

Ten Things A Dom Expects A sub To Know Without Being Told - This is the path to success.  I promise.

Getting Into New Kink Practices - Bondage and Impact Play

Styles of Domination - Find yourself on the list!


New Traditions, History & Mentoring

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!



Going deep into mentoring as a goal and a noble activity. These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.




Mentoring vs. Role-Modeling - There IS a difference.

Leather Elder: Peter Fiske - I wanted to highlight his audio history, so that you could hear him in his own words.  He also has a nice book about his collection of over 1,000 whips, crops, paddles and other forms of Percussion Play.

Guy Baldwin on Old Guard - I was looking through the Leatherati archives, and ran across this classic article.  I agree with Guy, though my history in the scene is not as long as his.  It’s a topic worth covering.

Guy Baldwin's Further Thoughts on Community and Old Guard - Sacred Cows Make The Best Hamburger (2002), Radsex Rising Tide Turbo Pervo Tonic (2004), Herd Any Cats Lately? (2011)

Talking More About Master’s Caps, Ceremonies and Declarations - My interest in the matter comes from my Guardian. He’s spoken about how he wishes to be capped someday but doesn’t see that ever happening.

Learning Gay Men’s History - Recommended reading Material

House Slaves On Duty - The outline for a successful Formal Leather Dinner

Creating a Celebration... Earning a Master's Cap - I’m always on alert for the new, rising star. If my intuition clangs like a bell, my head whips around, and I focus upon the person who is practically vibrating with talent and possibilities…

Why I Train Tops On A Constant Basis - There aren’t enough Mentors to go around. If we leave things the way that they are, there never WILL be enough kind, wise, experienced and self-confident dominant Elders, Mentors, Leaders and Role-Models…

THIS* Is Why I Mentor Doms - Blessing a fine protégé. A newly-certified Sir shares a powerful story, with commentary…

The Path Toward Wisdom - If you are doing it right, it is an upward path

A Punishment - A successful scene, done well.

How To Be An Elder, And Set The Tone For Your Community - I wish every older gay man would take this to heart. Creating new traditions, to replace the ones that were lost

How to Attract and RETAIN Younger Men in the Gay Leathermen's Community - It worked in San Diego

Master's Cap and Whip Presentation - It's a blurry video, but it's a nice bit of history. I was celebrating several wonderful kinky brothers who had studied, and worked hard to learn how to be high-quality Sirs...

Supporting New Kinky Talent - Taking on protégés as a Mentor. Anonymous asks: When you're talking to a younger guy, dom or sub, what feature makes them stand out as someone you should talk to more or keep an eye on?

Pictures and Video from the Ritual Fire Event - Tribal pleasure and fiery fun!

Leather Protocols And History - My brother Mentor's history lesson

Creating Sacred Male Space

Encouraging and educating folks who want to be effective community leaders.

These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.



Part 1: Introduction
Part 2: Defining The Community That We Want
Part 3: Welcoming the Stranger
Part 4: The Golden Core
Part 5: Dealing With Negativity
Part 6: Effective Leadership

Advice & Soft Skills

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!


Learn solid interpersonal skills, and to overcome obstacles in healthy ways
These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.



Domspace Vs. Subspace - Kept him warm, kept him safe. Easy voice, calm strokes down his body. His eyes wild as I ordered him to breathe with me–count in, count out. And as he came out of that whimpering, inchoate subspace the most…

How to Build Up a Scene - By “scene”, I mean a structured period of play. In a way, you could think of it as “scripted”, having a beginning, a middle and an end, but it doesn’t need to be a role-play.

Oxytocin: It’s Not Just The ‘Love’ Hormone After All - It’s also one of those fun chemicals involved in subspace and suspected in even Domspace. I suspect it is very involved in sub-or-Dom-drop via the rebound effect as well.

Pro-Verbal - When I am teaching a new submissive, I stress the following idea: "The More That You Submit, The More That I Dominate."  The exact opposite is true, too.

Body Positivity: Doing the Mirror Exercise - The first set of instruction is a comprehensive written list of all the parts of my body I currently “hate,” with details. And then I have to give Him the list.

Layering - Layering is the act of placing an action, word, protocol, or anything else intended to make a submissive move into sub space. Layering is a tool a lot of doms use without even thinking about it.

I  Wanna Try Being A Sub But I Don't Think I'm Ready To Be Owned Yet - Ownership is not something I equate to my submission. There is a big difference between subbing a few times for a local Dom to test the waters, subbing consistently with the same Dom(s)

Going On Prep And Going Condomless - I think that a greater degree of caution is necessary in undertaking this approach and that if you (like me) have a partner, you really need to discuss the implications…

Male Chastity? What's the Point? - I don’t understand the point of locking up. What does this do? Why is this attractive? Not trying to judge but trying to understand why the gusto for “caging” a dick.

Defining Some Structure for a Submissive - There needs to be a better understanding of submission…

Making Declarations, for Good and for Bad - In the last year I’ve accepted I’m not a Man.  I’m not supposed to be muscular and dominant and confident.  I’m a submissive boy maybe even a little bit gurl...

Automatically Turning Pain Into Pleasure - a rare and valuable ability.

How to Process Pain - I want to talk about how to handle pain being doled out by a Sir. If you want to get anything out of the intense experiences pain can bring then you’ll need to learn how to cope with physical pain.

Labels 101 - How does a Master/slave relationship differs from a Master/boy one? Is it possible to be a slave to a Daddy? If so, how would it work?

Neediness vs. Indifference: Finding The Balance, Every Day - I get scared sometimes, Papa. What if I find my Daddy but I end up scaring him away with all my neediness?

Supporting Our Youth - Advice from past experience

Abuse vs. Discipline - Being rigorous with terminology

No Safeword is Not an Excuse - The value of checking-in

The secret about D/s is... - Simple and wise advice. There is no secret. Friends. Really. There’s not. There’s no secret to making kinky partnerships work or to communicating with a partner or any other aspect of being two people in a consenting arrangement.

The Difference Between Sadomasochism And Abuse - an excellent standard reference. How do you tell the difference between sadomasochism and abuse? I mean because isn't being a sadist abusing (?) but in a good way. I'm sorry if this is a stupid question I'm just confused.

Every Kinky Term I Can Think of in 5 Minutes and What It Means - This should be a good jumping off point to introduce you to new kinks that you may not have heard of but may interest you…

Folsom Street Fair Tips For Newbies - Every year, there are first-timers who might accidentally miss out by just showing up, without being on the right party lists, and not knowing where to go… The really, really good attractions for kinksters are going away very quickly.  Enjoy what is left while you can!

Pain Play, and Gaining Marks, Explained - There is a lot of good to be said about mutually-enjoyed pain play

The Value of Switches - Given your experience, what is your opinion on switches? I can identify as one of them but I keep walking in a world where you need to be either a top or a bottom, either a dom or sub.

When Kinky Scenes Go Wrong - One of the MOST popular articles in my collection: How to be a Sir who succeeds, even when things go sideways

Responsibility - A Follow-Up on When Kinky Scenes Go Wrong

Collaring… All Types - Heavily updated, and packed with real-world wisdom: Collaring… All Types, and Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring. A collar is the most powerful symbol of ownership and commitment in the BDSM community. A collar should be earned, not given lightly.

Positive Things To Say To Your Submissive - Doms, Masters, Daddy’s and Men - your boys are meant to serve you, but you need to take care of them too!!!!

Dangerous Doms - What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous dominant?  Short answer: I am always on alert to spot somebody who uses Force instead of Strength.  There is a huge difference between the two...

Dangerous Subs - The Eternal Victim - What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous sub? Short answer:  Someone who does not take responsibility for their lives, or how their behavior affects others.

What to look for in a Sir - This might prove useful for newer submissives who are trying to figure out how to suss dominants. I also thought it would be handy for newer dominants to know what traits and behaviors to show off to attract submissives.

Bullying - I bring this up because I have found that bullying while present is difficult to immediately recognize in bdsm. In short, if someone is trying to pressure you or trick you into something you genuinely don’t want to do. That’s bullying.

Advice For My Fellow Doms - How to get better at it.  Don't compare yourself to me, or to any other Dom.  That's a loser's game, and you can never win.  This has never been a competition.  You are exactly as valid as I am.  We all had to start somewhere…

Lessons for New Dominants - There were some things I learned tangentially to his lessons that I believe newer dominants needing direction could benefit from…