The Value of Switches

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Hello Sir, I was hoping I could ask you something. Given your experience, what is your opinion on switches? I can identify as one of them but I keep walking in a world where you need to be either a top or a bottom, either a dom or sub. I wonder how rare/real switches are? Am I fooling myself identifying as such?

Papa Tony:

Once again, the underlying problem here is the way that we humans are so eager to put ourselves and others into clearly-defined boxes. Well, life is not just two boxes, marked “black" and “white.” Outside of the clearly-defined boxes are infinities of colors, flavors, smells, subtleties and dimensions that represent life as it actually is.

When others pressure you to conform, they are doing a disservice to you, and to themselves. They are perpetuating toxic stereotypes that should have disappeared half a century ago. “I like cupcakes, and I like cream fillings, but you are a cream-filled cupcake? No such thing exists!”

And yet, there you are, right in front of them, in broad daylight. Large as life, and TWICE as nice!

In the last five decades, we have discovered that sex, gender and attraction are FLUID, and not at all what society keeps trying to perpetuate. Don’t buy what they are selling.

This picture clearly communicates the man’s intentions. He has no shame whatsoever about saying “I can Top, and I can bottom, equally pleasurably! Good for me!” The twin armbands are what convey that message… His left armband says “I’m a Top,” and his right armband says “I’m a bottom”

Wearing both at once says “I’m open for business!” MONKEY business.

If you attend a large, international leather event, you will see this nonverbal signal a LOT.

Don’t let others shame, pressure or define you, brother. Here is some good news:

If you do the same as the man above, and shout out your pride and comfort within yourself, you’re going to get laid a LOT. Your dick is going to get worn down like the eraser on a pencil, because Doms, Sirs, masters and Daddies are DYING to bottom once in a while. They get sick of only taking one role, and never know when it’s safe to ask for the other pleasures that they want.,

Expect to hear variations on the following, shy, quiet phrase:

“Umm, I’m usually a Top, but for YOU….?”

The only polite response is to say “I would be HONORED. Let’s get your sexy ass into the sling, right now! “

Advice, Going Forward

Now, if I were you, I’d go get matching, awesome armbands, and WEAR THEM EVERYWHERE that gay men are cruising,. You’re not just making a declaration to THEM, you are making a declaration to yourself. A permanent one.

If you have profile pics online, update them to show your Switch Pride. The arm-bands go ABOVE the biceps, by the way.

Nobody has any more defining power over you, forever. You are a star and a blessing in the world. Go get ‘em, tiger!

These folks are in Russia, but they have the coolest accessories. They are trendy! Get some nice matching gauntlets, too. Those are visible from a long way away.

UPDATE:

Anonymous said: Can you clarify the difference between switch and versatile? Isn’t switch someone who can be both Dominant and submissive? Can a bottom be a switch but not versatile?

Thanks for asking - I got a little sloppy with my phrasing, earlier.

For ME, a kinky “switch” and someone who is sexually “versatile” are not all that different. I’ve been to hundreds of large, kink-gay-male fuck/fist/flog parties (mostly in the 1970′s).

In my mind, I still live there, decades later. A massive swarm of men flipping, switching and handing off to each other is NORMAL in that scenario. That’s how life used to be, before sex and intimacy became a possibly fatal predicament for gay men.

I am certain that on an individual basis, the distinction between the two is important, and sharply defined. I honor that. I just keep forgetting to keep that in mind.