Things to Remember About Me, My Boy and My Relationship

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realworlddominant: I debated not sharing this anon but decided to in the end because I actually get quite a few of them.

Self-evidently this is some loser who has nothing better to do than anonymously make offensive comments about other people’s relationships, but I actually get similar questions from people who have read my blog. Really? I don’t understand how people can read my blog and still not understand how @realworldsubmissive and I function as a couple.

Thank you, anon, however, for allowing me the opportunity to once again write something gushing about an interpretation of being a Dom which gets nowhere near enough attention in the public sphere of this sometimes-godforsaken site:

Things to Remember About Me, My Boy and My Relationship

1. @realworldsubmissive is my boy, he’s also my fiancé

I have said it before and I’ll say it again: we are partners in a relationship first and the D/s dynamic comes second to that. I am madly in love with this guy and he knows more about me (and I him) than anyone else in the world. He is not my possession or my casual plaything or my object. I do not take from my boy, I accept what is given to me.

And no, that doesn’t make me any less of a man or any less of a Dom for admitting it.

2. Having an opinion is not a reason to punish him

I have corrected and physically chastised my boy for many things but never for having his own opinion about something and especially not for having that opinion in a public place outside of a scene. My role is not to make him feel insignificant or unworthy of his own mind; it is the role of a Dom to encourage his boy to be the very best they can be and that will absolutely mean sometimes accepting they have a view which isn’t your own.
I never set out to have a mindless slave who would say “Yes, Sir” all the time to absolutely everything; where’s the fun in that for a long-term relationship? A sadistic streak sexually and the ability to care for my boy personally are not mutually exclusive.

3. What I do or do not do with my boy is none of your business
It’s easy from the safety of being behind a computer to forget that the community is built on etiquette, standards and protocols. The boundaries are very clear on this one: unless you have my permission and his consent, you do not interfere with my boy at all.This one comes with a small caveat that whatever I do is within the principles of SCC but I can promise you that the day I do something which I believe is emotionally or physically damaging to my boy is the day that I will stop doing anything with him at all. If you want to criticise then do so privately but have the guts to approach me direct; I will explain my reasoning. If I don’t want to treat him like something I’ve stepped in; that’s ok.

If I want to let him have the freedom he deserves as a human being; that’s ok too.

4. We have long-established protocols, limits and ways of interacting which you will not understand
@realworldsubmissive and I have been an exclusive couple for over 10 years. The way we interact has matured and developed with us and I love that. We’ve negotiated, we’ve argued, we’ve got it wrong and for every two steps forward we’ve taken there’s been plenty of one step backs. You cannot judge any couple on the very little of themselves they share in public and you certainly cannot judge a D/s dynamic by a few pictures and posts on Tumblr. Get to know the people and you’ll find something very, very different. And to address the anon again: I have never called my boy a fag(got).

5. It’s not about the bondage or the sex

People forget that the D/s dynamic, the kinks and the fetishes, the bondage and the pain, and all the paraphernalia isn’t the point. All of these things are an expression of intimacy and of trust; the deepest of trusts between two people.

Tumblr is terrible for perpetuating this idea that BDSM is all about extreme bondage, pain, humiliation and forced subservience. Nothing, in my opinion, could be further from the truth. If I want a hole that I can fill on demand, I’ll buy a fleshjack. What I want is a boy who can be that and then be there to make me think and engage me, to care for and be cared for. I don’t want a slave, I want my lover, my boyfriend, and one day my husband.

I’m not here to lecture or to tell people what to think and all I ask in return is exactly the same thing: please talk to us both, engage, question and challenge. But we achieve nothing by judging.