Seven Deadly Sins of a Dominant

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

AUTHOR UNKNOWN 1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.

2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.

3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.

4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.

5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.

6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.

7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.