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Anonymous: Despite your sadism, you come across as a considerate, courteous and even courtly individual. I'm not sure I'd be able to reconcile those aspects in me if I had them. If you don't mind my asking, how does one do that?
Unknown author:
Thank you for the observation. I had not thought of this dichotomy as somehow being contradictory. To me, it is simply a matter of accepting who and what I am and living accordingly.
It seems to me, though, that we all have such dichotomies. I have a friend who has a slapstick, silly sense of humor that seems to always be in the forefront. Yet, he is also one of the most serious and profound thinkers I know. I know of others who seem to be intensely rational, always leading with their minds. But they also have very deep feelings which come out at times and even overwhelm them for periods at a time.
So, I am not sure there is any contrariness, much less contradiction, to being sadistic, even intensely so as I am, and also being considerate, courteous and courtly. Just different aspects of my personality and person, each of which I hopefully express at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way.
I should add, though. When I was young I was not as accepting of my sadism as I am now and wondered if there was something wrng with me that I not only enjoyed but was sexually aroused by hurting another man. It took me some time, but I came to peace with it and accepted who I am.
In many ways, it was similar to coming to peace with my homosexuality, but accepting the sadism was harder.
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