Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
I strive every day to be a good dom. Maybe I'm just not dominant enough but I'm having trouble connecting with a submissive. I'm not sure if I'm doing something fatally wrong as I am new to this lifestyle. Any help or advice u could offer would be greatly appreciated.-LMS:
This is one of the most common questions I get asked, so first just know that you’re not alone in this.
The phrase “maybe I’m not dominant enough” makes me think you are probably making one of the biggest mistakes that new doms on the scene make. See, it’s not about displaying dominance. It’s about showing that you’re someone worth submitting to.
Actively trying to display dominance often has the opposite of the intended effect, especially when you don’t really know someone. It comes across as laughably childish and poorly conceived, an idea that stereotypical “alpha” behavior is what attracts submissives. I can tell you for sure that this isn’t the case.
Every submissive partner I’ve had has sought me out. I am not in the habit of approaching people. Most of them didn’t even know I was into kink or identified as dominant until they asked. It’s not something I go around broadcasting.
I was always curious about what it was about me, specifically, that made submissives look at me and go “that’s a dom”. So I asked. I’ve asked every single submissive partner I’ve had what made them seek me out.
I expected some of them to say it was about my look. I’m a broad shouldered, barrel chested, square jawed old fighter and I know that appeals to some people. But not a single one of them said it was my look.
I expected some of them to say it was about my presence; I walk the earth like a man who fears nothing and it’s noticeable. But nobody said it was about my presence.
I expected some of them to say it was my drive; I finished my MBA at the top of my class and have a reputation in my field for being someone who gets things done in ways most people never will. But none of them said it was about my drive.
The answers I got from all of them were nearly identical: They saw the quiet confidence with which I held myself. They heard a humble certainty in my words. They observed that I always did what I said I was going to do and always treated people with kindness, regardless of who they were or what they did. They saw that I lived mindfully and put a great deal of thought and consideration into the way I spoke to people. That I put others before myself. That I genuinely cared about the well-being of everyone in my life.
And I know this isn’t an answer that most who have this same question will like. Because there isn’t a big, easy “NOTICE ME” flag you can fly here. The way, the ONLY way is a long journey of self-improvement. Because all the cockiness or bravado in the world isn’t going to make anyone want to kneel. If that were the case, every Frat Bro in the world would be a dom. The only thing that makes someone want to kneel to you is for them to look at you and know that you are someone they can believe in.
I hope this helps.
The phrase “maybe I’m not dominant enough” makes me think you are probably making one of the biggest mistakes that new doms on the scene make. See, it’s not about displaying dominance. It’s about showing that you’re someone worth submitting to.
Actively trying to display dominance often has the opposite of the intended effect, especially when you don’t really know someone. It comes across as laughably childish and poorly conceived, an idea that stereotypical “alpha” behavior is what attracts submissives. I can tell you for sure that this isn’t the case.
Every submissive partner I’ve had has sought me out. I am not in the habit of approaching people. Most of them didn’t even know I was into kink or identified as dominant until they asked. It’s not something I go around broadcasting.
I was always curious about what it was about me, specifically, that made submissives look at me and go “that’s a dom”. So I asked. I’ve asked every single submissive partner I’ve had what made them seek me out.
I expected some of them to say it was about my look. I’m a broad shouldered, barrel chested, square jawed old fighter and I know that appeals to some people. But not a single one of them said it was my look.
I expected some of them to say it was about my presence; I walk the earth like a man who fears nothing and it’s noticeable. But nobody said it was about my presence.
I expected some of them to say it was my drive; I finished my MBA at the top of my class and have a reputation in my field for being someone who gets things done in ways most people never will. But none of them said it was about my drive.
The answers I got from all of them were nearly identical: They saw the quiet confidence with which I held myself. They heard a humble certainty in my words. They observed that I always did what I said I was going to do and always treated people with kindness, regardless of who they were or what they did. They saw that I lived mindfully and put a great deal of thought and consideration into the way I spoke to people. That I put others before myself. That I genuinely cared about the well-being of everyone in my life.
And I know this isn’t an answer that most who have this same question will like. Because there isn’t a big, easy “NOTICE ME” flag you can fly here. The way, the ONLY way is a long journey of self-improvement. Because all the cockiness or bravado in the world isn’t going to make anyone want to kneel. If that were the case, every Frat Bro in the world would be a dom. The only thing that makes someone want to kneel to you is for them to look at you and know that you are someone they can believe in.
I hope this helps.
No comments:
Post a Comment