Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
Something that has occurred to me a few times now that might strike a chord with you.
- In wanting to be a protective, nurturing top (even as a sadist, or perhaps especially as a sadist) and see to my boys’ well-being,
- In wanting to inspire the submission and service of others,
- In wanting to be a better man which is at the core of all this, to be worthy…. it seems a bit like aspiring to knighthood.
Papa Tony:
That makes perfect sense to me. The first leathermen’s group that I created (nineteen years ago) was called the San Diego League of Gentlemen. That group’s name was meant to evoke the knights of old, and chivalry. This baffled a lot of folks at the time.
It always confused the Olde Guarde types who didn’t like what I was doing. They only wanted to boast about what they knew, and always in a tone of being superior to others. It was like we were endlessly scoring points in the Competitive Kink Games.
I was the ONLY one talking to the new faces among us, and it was always about being a Mensch. Sure, we’d host classes that taught kinky techniques. But I made sure that we taught a lot more.
It’s Not Enough To TALK About Hard Skills
“Technique” is another way of describing “Hard Skills” in the kinky scene. The typical, logical construction of a kinky class doesn’t tell the entire story:
Such a class (or millions of Youtube videos) is dry, it’s analytical, and it’s inadequate.
In my long experience, “soft skills” (interpersonal courtesies, life-wisdom and social dynamics) are not as highly regarded in most cities. I suspect that this is because there are so few folks who have a wealth of knowledge AND the drive to share what is known.
I am glad to see that the San Francisco Leathermen’s Discussion Group has finally added a few “soft skills” classes over the course of decades. Good for them!
I wish that they would record and POST the discussions online, as I did with some of the FetishMenSanDiego Men’s Discussions. Those are intensely popular worldwide. Folks consume them like popcorn.
Soft Skills Are Crucial
In the last few months, I have posted over 300 articles, videos and audio recordings. I have plenty of hard skills to impart. Yet, I always make sure that I explain the context, and WHY it’s a good idea to do something.
“Soft Skills” and wise advice have to do with being a valuable contributor to our culture, through social graces. My teachings are always about being a GOOD Dom Top, above all else… Admirable, lovable, respectable and honorable.
My Flogging For Beginners instructional video has been posted in multiple places on the Internet. According to Google Analytics, it has been viewed 337,022 times as of today. I still get fan-mail every day, years after I created it.
What folks tell me is that I make the topic seem fun, light, playful and worth doing. Watching the video makes them feel like THEY can take it on, and succeed. Based upon what I hear from those same folks later on, they DO succeed. That was always my goal, and it is a delightful legacy.
This is because only around fifteen percent of the video has to do with dry technique. The other 85% is everything. I take the mystery out of flogging, and share it with pleasure. I loved the men that I was teaching, and I wanted that same love to show up in the video for everyone else.
Like all of what I send out, that flogging video is my gift of love to the world.
I have a fire in my belly that drives me ever onward.
I do the work that I have been doing because the Law of the Jungle is NO way to build a kind, genteel culture. I have spent decades teaching the newest folks acceptable behavior through positive reinforcement. The payoff is loving brotherhood and sisterhood, and in large quantities.
I do this because I was there in the midst of the greatest times in the history of the world for kinky gay leathermen. We were a solid Tribe and we had everything that we wanted. The future was SO very bright, and we were on an upward trajectory.
Then, AIDS killed off so many of the best of us. I have been spending the remainder of my life, bringing that loving community back. I have never taken a day off.
And I’m so glad you’re sharing it. You speak very much to what I feel in my heart, the things I truly want, my ideals. In service and submission to my SIR, my heart is progressively more fully into it, knowing that he is a good and worthy man, not just a “hot top”.
And, I feel more comfortable in pursuing dominance with my own boys being *me* - a loving, affectionate man - rather than trying to be some cartoon porn caricature of a Top. It’s getting easier for me to “be” one or the other and feel I’m being my genuine self in both cases.
No comments:
Post a Comment