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I noticed a few times you use the word “abuse” in your posts. While most of what you write is lovely, I’m a bit thrown off by your choice of words. As you have stated you don’t want pity, so I will hold my apologies for the pain you endured as a child inside and simply say I’m so thankful you had the strength to work through the trauma. That being said I am long time female submissive and not all Doms who use physical punishment are abusive, at all. It is 3am so maybe I missed something?Papa Tony:
Your question makes me realize that I have been sloppy in my writing, all along.
It has never been my conscious intention to equate all kinky discipline with abuse. Thanks for pointing that out. I am learning something new about myself.
I am a man who has attended over 400 gay-male play-parties. Thinking back on my kinky journey since 1977, I believe that I have never seen high-quality and ethical BDSM discipline play, up close, and in action. I have unconsciously avoided it.
Intellectually, I know that it exists.
Based upon what I have seen online, there is a huge market for Discipline Play. I’ve just successfully skipped any part of that scene, without realizing it until now. Whenever there would be an instructional demo, I’d either not show up at all, or wander away without realizing why.
I’m pretty clear that my allergy for abuse is so strong that I have unconsciously selected folks who were in my social circle, and who shared similar viewpoints. Anyone else was avoided, just on the slight chance that I would get triggered.
My avoidance has been a safety-measure, because I never stop fearing how strong my own reaction would be. My overreaction would end any pleasure that others might derive from the play-party. I am physically huge, and can be emotionally intense, like a force of nature. I know the power that I wield.
I’m clear that I will never be an authority on the topic of high-quality Discipline Play. I’m too damaged from what I endured as a child, and that’s okay. I have done the work to grow beyond it. Now, I just need to work on my languaging, as I continue to write on other topics.
Thanks for reaching out!
It has never been my conscious intention to equate all kinky discipline with abuse. Thanks for pointing that out. I am learning something new about myself.
I am a man who has attended over 400 gay-male play-parties. Thinking back on my kinky journey since 1977, I believe that I have never seen high-quality and ethical BDSM discipline play, up close, and in action. I have unconsciously avoided it.
Intellectually, I know that it exists.
Based upon what I have seen online, there is a huge market for Discipline Play. I’ve just successfully skipped any part of that scene, without realizing it until now. Whenever there would be an instructional demo, I’d either not show up at all, or wander away without realizing why.
I’m pretty clear that my allergy for abuse is so strong that I have unconsciously selected folks who were in my social circle, and who shared similar viewpoints. Anyone else was avoided, just on the slight chance that I would get triggered.
My avoidance has been a safety-measure, because I never stop fearing how strong my own reaction would be. My overreaction would end any pleasure that others might derive from the play-party. I am physically huge, and can be emotionally intense, like a force of nature. I know the power that I wield.
I’m clear that I will never be an authority on the topic of high-quality Discipline Play. I’m too damaged from what I endured as a child, and that’s okay. I have done the work to grow beyond it. Now, I just need to work on my languaging, as I continue to write on other topics.
Thanks for reaching out!
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