Friday, September 26, 2014

Memories of Wolfs, the San Diego Leather Bar

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

If you have memories or pictures of Wolfs to share, send them to me at papatony, and I will add them below.

Papa Tony:
For decades, San Diego's largest leather bar was called Wolfs, located at the corner of 30th and Upas in North Park. At various times, Moose Leather (a tailoring-shop for leather gear) was across the street to the south, and Ringold Alley (a shop that sold exotic and trendy new toys and gear from across the world, along with lube, porn and dildos) was next door to the north.

Image stolen from Vintage San Diego's Facebook page.

The Crypt leather shop mentioned in the poster was INSIDE the bar. It was nothing much - Just various toys, lube and small items of gear. Armbands, rings for fingers and cock-rings, minor stuff like that.

This picture shows the inside of the Crypt inside Wolfs bar. Taken September 1999.

The chain-link fencing provided a small enclosure around the glass case, and a SMALL space for men standing in front and behind the case, with camouflage netting over everything.

Back in the days before the Internet, bars like Wolfs were our biggest social centers, with 400-600 men showing up during the course of a busy Friday or Saturday night.

I used to love going there, but it was very lonely for me until I figured out what I was doing wrong. I would go through the internal doorway in full leather (flagging Top in every visible way), ducking my head because I am so tall, and then stop to shoot the cuffs on my leather jacket while I looked the crowd over.

Nobody would look at me. Nobody.

I'd push my way through the crowd, looking from side to side with a big, inviting smile. No responses. If anything, men around me would freeze in position, like stuffed animals in a diorama. This would baffle me, because I am an extreme extrovert, with high-level social skills. I just could NOT break through.

After taking several lonely circuits of the bar, I'd leave and go home frustrated.

Then, one time, I brought a buddy. Since I am so huge, I would push through the crowd ahead of him, making an easy path for him. When we came to a stop, he couldn't stop marveling at how everybody STARED at me. I was astonished, because I saw no such thing. He said "They are waiting until you go past, and then they whip their heads around."

I realized that each man was waiting for the Big Top to choose him, and was freezing in place, showing me his best side.

I've told many men this story as a parable for how NOT to snare a big Sir, or that cute boy. Passivity, stoicism and wishful thinking (in both directions) doesn't do anybody any good. Channel your inner slut and POUNCE upon the object of your desire. Yes, it increases the odds of a hurtful rejection, but it also vastly cuts down on the loneliness that divides us too often.

This photo was taken in August 1999, as decorative filler for the leather column I wrote for the Gay & Lesbian Times back then.

Wolfs was legendary for hosting "Back Room Parties" once a month. Toward the end of the bar's life, that was the ONLY profit-making night. There was a general opinion that the man who owned Wolfs was using it as a tax dodge for the many other properties that he owned in Palm Springs.

About the Back Room parties:

Wolfs was divided in half, with a door at each end of the bar to allow traffic between the two rooms. On the Back Room nights, guards were stationed at the two doors. Men were only allowed entry into the back room if:

- They were in some sort of clearly-identifiable leather or fetish gear, or,

- They were shirtless.

Naturally, many men chose to go shirtless. It saved money!

This image shows the Slave Auction at Wolfs, on Saturday, March 3, 2001. The man who is tied up is being flogged to raise money for AIDS charities.

Wolfs had a stage for contests and benefit auctions inside the back room by the Crypt mini-store, which you can see in the back of this photo. Look for the chain-link fencing.

The very first Leather Pride started the ball rolling in 1998, and it all started in San Diego. This moved the Mr. San Diego Leather contest to March of each year - the best time of the year, weather-wise, for this of us who like to WEAR LEATHER. I'm hoping that the powers that be move it back from AUGUST, which is the worst time of year for gearing-up.

To explain the photo - We always held a full week of events designed to celebrate leaders, volunteers, artists and artisans, affinity-group and businesses that catered to the kink/leather/fetish community. To spread the glory around, we would have events at various venues with different themes.

This pic shows two of the contestants for Mr. San Diego Leather 1999. Mike Hargiss is in the center, and he won the contest handily. The gentleman in the white shirt is wearing gear that belonged entirely to me, because I felt sorry for the poor schnook. He had no gear, and he wanted to run for the title!

That's me on the far left, many years (and pounds) ago. The gentleman on the far right was a buddy of mine, and I include him because he KNEW how to dress up right for a night on the town!

Promotional text:

Meet 'n Greet at Wolfs for Mr. San Diego Leather Contestants, January 9, 1999. Official "Meet and Greet," on Friday the 19th at 9PM at Wolfs. This where the judges for the contest meet the contestants, and so can you!

Wear your favorite leather-levi attire and meet some of the finest leathermen and leatherwomen anywhere, and have a great time of fellowship and fun.

Wolf's will be celebrating its anniversary on Friday, April 2, 1999, from 11PM to 2AM with a party including drink specials and food. This wonderful bar has filled an important function in our community for 12 years!

For those of us who REALLY like leathermen, there were some seriously flirtatious, humpy men at the Meet and Greet Party (and Backroom Night Plus) at Wolf's.

JUST before the end of Wolfs:

These are some of the happy men who made the Fetish party complete

I was doing everything I could to save the leather bars in San Diego, because the Internet was strip-mining our community at an ever-increasing rate. We were losing our social centers, and I was in full panic mode.

I tried to get a dance-party started at Wolfs, once they acquired a cabaret license, but it simply didn't take off like my Rampart Party at Shooterz.

Here was the publicity from August 29, 2004:


We now have a new place to dance - Wolfs got its cabaret license recently (after years of paperwork) and has a surprisingly well-laid-out dance-floor. Nobody can figure out where the pool-tables went! I attended the first official dance-party there last Friday, and it went very well - a lot of my buddies from the old days at Rampart showed up, sniffing around to see if they'd fit in - Sure enough, we all did!

It's a welcoming, satisfying place to dance, and the folks at Wolfs are happy to accommodate ideas and requests. Show up any Friday night from now on, and boogie with a bunch of nice guys. I've asked if I can host the first Friday of each month, and I sure hope that I can - I miss hosting parties!

On the following night, Perry and the crew from Ringold Alley hosted yet another successful Fetish party at Wolfs.

Once again, the party was very well-attended and fun - In fact, it was so crowded that the St. Andrew's Cross was difficult to use (it's hard to swing a flogger without unintentionally hitting a by-stander), but a few men succeeded!

Just like the first one, it was a smash hit - Perry is the kind of Daddy that knows how to bring everything together. John, Carl, Scott and the rest of the crew from Wolfs are really changing things for the better.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Folsom Tips For Newbies: Audio, Links and Advice

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

This is an updated version of an earlier article.  Basically, I added some audio, and updated all of the links.

Papa Tony:
The Folsom Street Fair is coming up pretty quickly (Sunday, September 30, 2018). If you haven't yet made travel-plans, now would be a really good time to get that handled. Here is my previous post about tracking down lodging.

Every year, there are first-timers who might accidentally miss out by just showing up, without being on the right party lists, and not knowing where to go. So, I'm using this space to gather together everybody's suggestions and shared wisdom based on experience.

• Start by reading this article from Leatherati, posted in 2011.  It contains a lot of great wisdom, particularly on the best way to find private parties.

• If you're interested in a non-sexual kinky gay men's play-party like no other, I can certainly recommend the 15 Association's Folsom Weekend play party will be on Saturday evening, September 29th, 2018, from 6pm to Midnight. Be SURE to fill out the application beforehand, for an invitation to this event, if you aren't already friends with a man who is already on the list.  IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST, YOU WILL NOT GET IN!

As I say in the 24-minute audio, the following is advice from an older, kinky and dominant gay-male, who has zero interest in big, hot parties.  If those are your interest, there is NO lack of fun for your tastes.

My audio recording talks about the PRACTICAL stuff, such as packing some bandage wrap.  Why?  There is a LOT of walking (San Francisco blocks are very long), and even the best-fitting boots can wear holes in your feet.

Lost Treasures

I am sad to say, I have had to delete a LOT of great recommendations from the previous versions of this article. Places like Stompers Boots, Worn Out West, Butler Uniform, Bear Magazine headquarters, Madame S and so many other long-time kinky destinations were driven out of business by sky-high rental costs, thanks to Silicon Valley millionaires driving up the value of the land.

I used to gather together at least twenty first timers together and give them a guided tour of San Franciscos Leather District.  We'd start at one end, and work our way over, street by street.  We NEVER made it to our final destination, though.  We'd be walking toward the last place on the list, and we would walk right by the Factory Outlet Lamps and Fixtures store display window.  These butch leathermen would squeal "Oh, my god!  Did you see those cunning little SCONCES?"

So, they'd head inside, and that would be the end of the tour.

Ah, well.  At least I have happy memories.  I've been going to Folsom Street Fair for 34 years.  A lot has changed, but in the case of the Fair itself, it's just gotten HUGE!

In my own case, I like to arrive EARLY for the Street Fair on Sunday, and then leave around 3:30, because it's just SO CROWDED.  As in, if somebody following closely around me gets separated, it can take them ten minutes to catch up to me.  From twenty feet away.  Bring sunscreen, drink lots of water, and carry a backpack if you plan to strip down.

Take the time in the days before the Street Fair to really, thoroughly visit the local gay-male tourist sites:

Mr. S Leather at 385 8th Street is a MADHOUSE in the days before the Street Fair, which makes it that much more enticing. Jammed with happy, kinky tourists from all over the planet, it's beyond entertaining, and the best shopping-opportunity you can find in one place. Beware of Squanderlust!  It's hard to leave without bags of great gear.

The day BEFORE the Street Fair is when you want to visit Mister S.  The place is JAMMED. See and be seen.  Cute boys are everywhere, serving free beer, answering questions and decorating the place with their beauty.

If I am bringing a newly-collared boy to the Street Fair for his first time, I will bring him to Mister S.  I always order him to strip down to his boots and nothing else, wearing my collar.  I tell him to stay away from me for at least an hour, and to talk to random people in the crowded store.

When he reports back in, he is dizzy with pleasure.  He has never been naked in public for so long, and everyone that interacts with him starts by asking "Who collared you?"  When he points at me, they say "You are very lucky!"  He is finally understanding what being collared by a Sir can be like.

One block away from Mister S at 1201 Folsom Street is Leather Etc. It is a treasure for those of us in the know.  Why?  It is run by a family that makes the leather shirts and pants that are sold at Mister S for a LOT more money.  You can buy them a block away at the factory outlet store for quite a bit less!  The staff is TRUSTWORTHY - they will never steer you wrong.  Let them help you find your heart's desire in leather form!

Wicked Grounds

As far as I know, it's the only full-time, entirely-kinky coffee shop on earth.  GREAT staff, and a warm, welcoming environment.  Highly recommended.


As soon as you pull into town and dump off your luggage, be sure to take the trolley to the Castro and have breakfast in a window-seat at The Cove on Castro at 434 Castro Street (across the street from the Castro Theater), particularly on Saturday before the Street Fair. The kinky tourists will be swarming past the place in full regalia, and it makes for a GREATLY entertaining meal.

If you are going to San Francisco for ANY reason, sample the superb restaurants.  North Beach has some spectacular Italian restaurants, all competing on the basis of their excellent reputations.  Expect to lick the plates when you are done.  I like to visit Mona Lisa when I am in town.

If you like seafood, I strongly recommend Tadich Grill.  It's a tradition for me to get my seafood urges satisfied there.

Obligatory San Francisco Joke

One time, my husband and I decided to do a few typically touristy San Francisco things while we were in town.  We rode the cable cars, visited several museums, and headed over to Fisherman's Wharf.  We wandered by an outdoor seafood restaurant, where tourists sat at picnic tables, eating seafood and tossing shells into 55-gallon drums.

I saw a King Crab carapace in one of the trash bins, and picked it up.  I pulled the legs off, and then placed it on my forehead.  In my deepest voice, I said "IT IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE!  I AM FISHERMAN'S WORF!"

What other places/parties/events would you recommend?

If you have more tips that would help others, please pass them along to me at papatony - I will archive them over the years, and keep sending them out!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Three of My Heroes

From Papa Tony:

I have a hero, and his name is Eric Paul Leue. This man is deeply wise, informed and has the courage of a lion. I urge everyone to read this interview, and to be properly informed about PrEP, an intensely valuable topic.

In my own case, I know how damaged I am, as a result of losing so many brothers to AIDS thirty years ago. It has warped my perspective, inhibited my ability to be truly intimate, and cut short my relationships due to misunderstandings and unreasoning panic.

I'm not the only one. I'm just keenly aware of my limitations (therapy has helped), and I am actively working to get past the damage, and to keep an open mind. Old attitudes that became locked in because of a frantic instinct for SURVIVAL have caused me (and my generation) to freak out about sex, inhibitions, intimacy and ecstasy. We've got serious hang-ups, but we are so close to it, we simply can't see the extent. Please forgive us - It's social PTSD.

If we as a culture are going to get better, we are going to have to TALK about sex, as it is, right now, rather than dragging around old decisions and attitudes that have become obsolete. If better days are going to come for us all, it's time that we start a whole new conversation.

Here is where it starts.

I have another hero, and his name is Mr. San Diego Leather 2012/American Leatherman 2013 Aaron Duke, otherwise known as "Leather Oprah" :->

His style is to initiate DEEP, meaningful and substantive conversations on Facebook that move the ball forward for the Leather/Kink/Fetish culture.

These online discussions can get contentious, and emotions can run high, but nobody gets outright mean, because they respect Aaron so much. He asks the questions that need to be asked, in order to bring about meaningful change in our culture's attitudes, traditions and expectations.

Like Oprah, he has an easy, warm and welcoming style. He is NOT a perfect example of a human being (have you ever met one?), and he lets it ALL hang out, without shame or pretense. He embodies "What You See Is What You Get". On one hand, this can mean that his opinions or reactions may discomfort you. One the other hand, you can TRUST that what he says is what is truly so for him. His stock-in-trade is his deep authenticity.

Every once in a while, I like to dive deep into one of the more contentious, LONG discussion-threads. In fact, Aaron's virtual salon is the only place on Facebook where I do so.

If you crave much more from our Tribe than you are normally getting, this is a great place to start.

I have another hero, and his name is Mr. San Diego Leather 2014 James. He has bravely come out publicly, telling his truth about his struggle with PTSD. Please watch his newest video, and you will find every reason to love and trust him, as I do. It takes a mature, masculine man to shed his tears without shame.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

2014 San Diego Pride for Kinksters, From A Historical Standpoint

Short version:

I'm inspired by everybody who showed up, and there were a LOT of fine folks who showed up!

It was NOT this way in the old days.

Long version:

I did some analysis of Scott's excellent photos.  
Over 100 folks showed up as proud kinksters, 
joined the Leather Contingent for 2014, and marched 
in the broad daylight, for all of the world to see. 
When we joined up with the turbo-charged, 
dynamic volunteers at the Leather Realm, 
the level of authentic, proud representation 
of our community at its very best hit 
an emotional peak, that lasted all weekend.

The world noticed.

My first San Diego Pride March, in 1976.  
I was twenty years old, and I marched 
with the San Diego Gay Youth Group.  
That's Jeff Brosby in the middle, who ran the group.

My second San Diego Pride, in 1977.  
That's me in the middle of the banner.
We are in Hillcrest, approaching the corner of Robinson and Sixth.
The Advocate Experience was a gay-specific version of est.

1978 Pride March.  You can guess why I took this picture.
The white banner says "LESBIANS POLITICAL…" something else.

San Diego Pride 1979.  
I was joining up with the gay car club 
"Great Autos of Yesteryear" (G.A.Y.)
to drive dignitaries in the parade.

1999, driving the current Emperor and leatherman, Czar Dean.

I celebrated my 40th San Diego Pride in 2016.  I've either been IN the parade, or watched it, every single year.  I could go on and on about the overall aspects of Pride in general - the festival, the parade (it used to be an angry march, with shouted slogans) and so forth, but I choose instead to speak about the Leather aspect of the annual celebration.

That's me, driving my '61 Imperial convertible, Pride 2000, 
carrying Leather And Sister Hood ("LASH").

In the earliest days of San Diego Pride, there was no representation of leather, whatsoever. As I recall it, folks didn't show up in leather in the parade until around 1984. We were always in the back-most portion of the parade, and we were clearly not welcome.

California Cyclemen Motorcycle Club (CCMC) in front.
Rampart Leather Tribal Dance Party and RHSD floats, Pride 2000. 
I hosted Rampart for two years, and Bill Freyer was head of Red Hankies San Diego for 17 years!
Other than LASH, there WERE no other leather folk in the parade this year.

There was a lot of angry shaming of drag queens and leather folks, because we "made everybody else look bad".  Here we were as a gay community, trying to gain acceptance, and the TV cameras would only focus upon the freaks. Folks called to chastise TV stations for stereotyping us with their coverage, and then would focus their anger upon those of us who didn't, or couldn't fit in.  We were manifestly unwelcome.

SD Leather Contingent 1999.  The whole thing.

Starting around 1998, there was a lot of resistance in the kinkster crowd to the idea of even being part of the Pride Parade. If we were going to keep being made to feel unwelcome, then we would create our own, entirely separate thing. The entire reason for the invention of Leather Pride was to show defiance to the larger community: to lay claim to the many things that we felt that we could be proud of… our volunteers, vendors, artists and artisans, and community leaders.

If nobody else would appreciate us, then we would celebrate our own Pride.  After all, "Pride" is the exact opposite of "Shame". 

That's Wendy Sue on the far left. Pride 2000.

Even if we had the goal of being in the Pride Parade, we could never get it together. There would be separate, hostile factions, who would be in separate parts of the parade. That went on for years. It was very discouraging. I give great credit to Wendy Sue for sticking with the dream of bringing everybody together, no matter how resistant they were.

That brings us to the present. 

Parade Contingent, 2012.  That's Wish Linda laying down in the front.  
She has been the glue that has bound us together in the parade… 

The younger generations of kinksters don't have the heavy burden of AIDS survival holding them back. This is a good thing. The bad years are in the past, where they belong. Now, it's time to celebrate! 

Scott Smith's photos tell the story, very eloquently. What you're seeing in 2014 is not just sheer quantity, it is our quality that speaks for us... We are joyful, affectionate, diverse, unified and celebratory. We have nothing to be ashamed of, and we can't imagine why we would.

San Diego Pride Leather Contingent, 2011

San Diego Leather Pride has had many years of success. It has accomplished much to build our community's pride and self-reliance. However, the world has changed around us. I credit the Internet with having exposed more and more people to the fact that kinky folks are everywhere. Oddly enough, we have become more and more normalized.

San Diego Pride Leather Contingent, 2013

At least here in San Diego, leatherfolk have become TRENDY. I'm not kidding. If I am in gear, and I show up in public, I am an intensely observed and admired figure for fashionable young people. Instead of hiding in darkness, and only showing up in public once a year for the parade, more and more people are sharing their truth, expressing what is in their hearts, and living in the light.

San Diego Pride Leather Contingent, 2013

Of all the cities that I am aware of, San Diego's Leather Tribe shows incredible authenticity, more and more often. As with any family, we have our disagreements periodically, but when it is important for us to draw together, we always do.

A fraction of the San Diego Pride Leather Contingent, 2014

Speaking as an older man, I've seen some seriously wild changes happen in our community, and all within my lifetime. I NEVER would have expected that we would show up so unified, numerous and bountifully joyous as kinksters.  The older leathermen who were my mentors in the 1970's would have blown a gasket if they had looked at 2014 in a crystal ball… They had lived in constant fear of imprisonment for being sexual deviants, and they thought that I took too many foolish risks by being so open and unashamed. I did it, because I wanted the world to CHANGE.

It did, and we can all continue to take credit.

Many thanks to everyone who gave their best toward Pride this year, whether it was in the parade, or working hard at the Leather Realm.  You have shattered old preconceptions, and paved the way for even better days for the younger folks who follow us.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Open Letter To My Brothers Who Attended The Harness Party Last Night

Nobody took any pictures last night, 
but this pic was from the first Flog Swarm 
in the same bar a year ago, 
with much of the same crowd.

I was so proud of each of you last night at the Harness Party:

Clearly, you were so ready for the upcoming Flog Swarm, you were eager to strut your stuff RIGHT NOW.

Yes, there were men in attendance who arrived at different levels of confidence, from the shyest newbie on up, and there were plenty of men who were there to strap on some leather gear and strut around like sexy, sexy peacocks (and weren’t they hot?).

And, there were my beautiful brothers, strolling with purpose, with floggers on your hips, hugging with intentionality, being fully-present with each other, smiling with complete authenticity, and knowing exactly what you’re good for.  And proving it.

We completely took ownership of that event, and everybody was glad. Whatever end of the flogger you may have been on, you men LIVED LEATHER.  That kind of role-modeling can’t be faked.

The DJ told me later that you men had such a great time entertaining and thrilling the crowd, the fun didn't wind down for a LONG time - Much longer than normal.

95% of the men in that bar arrived because my newsletter told them that it was a good idea.  How do I know?  I circulated, gathered hugs and did Market Research.

There were men there, who weren’t yet ready to step up to their next level.  That’s fine. They got an EYEFUL of what is waiting for them, once they become brave enough to surrender to their truest feelings.

I couldn’t be prouder of you, my brothers.  You showed expertise, tenderness, caring, and calm acceptance.  In my long, long career as a leatherman, I’ve never seen better examples of Tribe in action.  Equivalent, yes, but never better.


The two Flog Swarm Practice Sessions are coming up soon, shortly followed by the main event.  I’m going to need you to be utterly charming Party Hosts and instructors at each one of them, in your own personal style.  You don’t have to pretend to be me. Not everybody is a Julie the Cruise Director!

The folks who will be joining us (55 so far, over twice the size of the last one) are already pre-inclined to stand beside us with honor, trust and respect.  These aren’t some random goofballs wandering in off of the street. These folks read our newsletters and postings, and yearn to be close and sweet, as we clearly are with each other.

I ask that you let your light SHINE for the rest of the month, and then from then onward, in whatever way that works best for you, from moment to moment.  At this time, we are all Spirit Guides who will welcome more beautiful, diverse people into our circle of true Tribe.

I trust you, I value you, and I applaud you.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Why I Train Tops On A Constant Basis

Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

UPDATE:  I am currently too ill to directly teach classes, with no real idea when (or if) I will get better.  In the meantime, I am now mentoring online, with folks in Manitoba, Bangkok, Edinburgh, and all over the USA.

I still post the following, older article, to let folks know what has been possible.

Papa Tony:

Several times every week, I used to create small, private, extremely social gatherings of Tops, Doms, Sirs, Misters and Masters who want to know more about being a highly-respected, experienced man of the Tribe.  Now  am too old to do this any more, but I am leaving a historical record:


There aren’t enough Mentors to go around.  There is a huge need.  If we leave things the way that they are, there never WILL be enough kind, wise, experienced and self-confident dominant Elders, Mentors, Leaders and Role-Models to make a noticeable difference in our Tribe.  

I’m doing my part to change that.  I'm taking the long, long view, and it’s working really, really well.

Since I started, there are MANY more couples, Leather Families and collared, deeply-satisfied submissives showing up in our Tribe.  That's my pay-off.  I grew up as a young "Sir In Training" in the 1970's, when we had a thriving, ongoing cycle of mentoring between the generations.

It has been my self-appointed duty to bring back the Tribal culture that sustained me so well.


Decades ago, we had plenty of dominant males who were:

- Heavy players
- Wise and experienced
- Willing to kindly share what they knew, and
- Visible and available.

Nowadays, not so much.  Those gay-male Sirs were the first and the fastest to die, back in the bad old days.  They have NOT been replaced in any visible quantities. Their loss has rippled down the years, and the wound in our cultural psyche has some more healing to do.

As a result, we have seen two younger generations of dominant males who have never known when they have graduated to their next level, because nobody with large numbers of miles on their odometer has loved them enough to say so, when it became apparent. A lot of men feel like posers, fakers and wannabes, when the truth is that they have enormous amounts of what it takes.  They have just never felt "certified".


My job is to hold up a mirror to each man, on an extremely individual basis, and to help him to see how valuable he already is.  Yes, I help him polish his technique…  but far more importantly, I coach him on how to be the kind of man that the Tribe is looking for.  I show him success techniques, social skills, coping-mechanisms, and various tips that can help him to grow into his next level.

I teach him the difference between "force", and "strength". Being macho, 100% intense and emotionally blocked-off works GREAT.

If you're starring in a porn video.

I teach men how to live BALANCED lives, where you can let your strongest passions out, AND be tender, emotional and thoughtful as well. The pendulum has to swing freely.  There is a difference between being BOSSY, and being a natural leader.


There is a lot of Male Intimacy at these training-events.  No, not sex.  Intimacy.  We join together in affectionate hugs that really bind us closer as brothers.  We cuddle in "Puppy Piles", where we relax and sprawl upon each other.  We laugh loudly, and act silly at times, while engaging in "Top Talk".

If this is NOT your style, you won't like the rest of what happens, either.  It's all part of dropping the shields, and being fully present with some great guys. We all need trusted brothers, and every event is all about brotherhood.

The bottoms that attend these events get to go through a wide variety of experiences, and are required to give solid, visible reactions on a constant basis. That way, the men in training can get useful feedback, which helps them enormously.

Every dominant that passes through this process has to progress at his own rate, and in his own time.  There are no short-cuts, but the payoff is very satisfying for all of us who are there with him during his journey.


I'm not strict, but I do expect, at a minimum, that you will be a man of your word.  I'm not very flexible on the subject of living in integrity. Just don't be a flake, and we will get along great.

We also do NOT do drugs.  Intoxication is a serious no-no. Mental clarity is how we do things.

If things are not working out, I will give you clear, unmistakeable information that will help you get better at fitting in.  If you still can't play by our rules of courtesy, you will be told that you are not welcome any more. This has never happened so far at these events.


There is a cost for everything, and I'm pretty strict about this:

In return for my time, kindness and generosity, I demand that you share everything that you learn, without holding back, at every opportunity.  We need many, many more mentors, and information shared is wisdom multiplied. Set a goal of being a wise old, gray-bearded man some day, who is beloved for his wisdom that is so readily apparent and available.


If any of this sounds appealing, and if you identify as male, contact me at papatony, and let me know if you have read through some of the materials that I have posted online.  I consider at least SOME of it to be a prerequisite for acceptance in the ongoing parade of newly-minted, certified and confident Sirs, Masters, Doms and Daddies.

This is my show.  I take full responsibility for the safety, well-being and success of the space.  I'm ridiculously easy to work with.  My keen observational skills, my empathy and my natural "Border Collie" nature make me fully-present at every moment.

Let's play, and grow, and bond closely.  Things are going GREAT.  The effects are rippling out in the world and making a huge difference.  Come be a part of it.


From David:

I whole heartedly agree with what you Wrote.. and to be quite blunt you are Right.. I have never had a Father Figure or even a Older Tribesman who has shown me the way.. I have felt Lost for  So long I cant tell you how good it feels to finally after so many years to have found a Mentor whom I look up to and look forward to learning from…

what I have noticed over the last few years (before I met you) is that I myself have taken on the role of Teacher to younger men.. Imbuing them with my knowledge and understanding of life as I have seen and experienced it.. Granted I was sexual with those men but at the same time it was a Genuine concern for them and their lives that made me want to be their Daddy.. I feel a need to HELP those who are less fortunate.. or haven't made it to where I have..  

I guess this is exactly why we have clicked as friends.. and I am very Grateful to the universe for bringing me here.. and being a part of this group of Men.


From Frank:

My Thoughts,

I am a New Explorer to the Kink scene. My BDSM initiation was at Body Electric workshop last fall. I returned to SD seeking comrades in my own backyard.  Shortly after my return I met Papa Tony and was introduced to FMSD. One of the friendliest and welcoming groups of men I have yet to meet.

I was seeking not only play buddies, but knowledge of safe and expert use of toys. I simply expressed this to Papa Tony and then showed up. In the past few months he has become a mentor and friend.

My ill found beliefs about BDSM were dispelled at my B.E. workshop. I was concerned when I left that bubble what I would find in the ‘real’ world. I am writing this to tell you what Papa T professes (and those of you that know him know how well he does that, profess I mean….love you man!) is that BDSM is about intense connections. These connections are based on Trust and Respect. These are tenets I experienced in the bubble and am happy to report are practiced here in real live San Diego.

Yeah, he has taught me the basics of using a flogger and single tail. But his most important lesson is to make sure that those I play with can trust me and that I respect them even if they are playing a submissive role.

One last thing, (don’t want his head to get too big….either one, as he’s probably getting a big ole boner) Men are all too often recognized or rewarded for things other people think they should be doing. Here at FMSD we are doing what we want to do, being true to ourselves AND if you demonstrate that honestly and share that with your comrades respectfully Papa Tony is there to support, recognize and reward you.

Heartfelt regards Pops, Frank


From Magnum:

I've been on/off in the San Diego leather/kink/BDSM since 2006. 

I've read numerous books and attended various workshops including Body Electric's BDSM workshop "Power, Surrender & Intimacy".

However, using the knowledge gained from those experiences combined with the artistry, mentorship and mastery of Papa Tony's guidance has allowed me to fully embrace and step into my authentic master/top/leader energies.

Other benefits I've gained from Papa Tony's mentorship & guidance:

~ trust, consistency & responsibility 
~ clarity of my mission as a Leatherman
~ self confidence & control
~ balance, intimacy, & time management with my collared submissives and my other "poly relationships".
~ intergration of archetypal energies (king, magician, warrior, lover)
~ mastery, technique and attention to detail regarding impact play (flogging, single-tail)
~s ense of belonging & connection to the greater leather/kink/BDSM community.

The investment I've made to trust Papa Tony's wisdom & training has paid off with huge dividends. 

Just ask my submissives!

With a deep bow, honor & gratitude.