External Validation?

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realpowerexchange:

I’ve been having  bit of a struggle. If one knows they are a sub or whatever term, they just admit it to themselves an start growing. Why do doms or such need external validation? I ask as I’ve been trying to come to terms with being dom for my boyfriend/sub.

I asked a friend I trusted his thoughts. on if I’m a decent dom. his answer confused me.
“Not Really No, You haven’t “Pronounced” your goal in the gay world is yet hon…. so tell me what your thoughts are ok?“
Now my first thought was who  do I have to pronounce this to?
My answer was simple an honest "Well right now I just want to take care of  my sub, we’ve been growing together. I need a goal in the gay community? I just want to take care of the men who want to sub for me an keep learning.
an why do I need external validation on this if it works for my sub an I?”

Now this all started as I’ve been reading here another sources of the signs of a good dom & bad dom. The last thing I ever want to do is break the trust an respect I’ve built with any one. Yet calling my self a Dom seems to have  lot of well lack of a better term stigma to it. Just saying you are while may  be true an natural, you  have to be careful not to upset the club. I’m not old guard, but my life taught me how to be a sub as well as how to be safe for those I care for. I’m self taught, learning from my elders as best I can.
What we do works for us, If this makes me a fake dom then so be it, If I need an Elder to say I’m one Why,?

Thank you for reading, an any comments appreciated.

Papa Tony:

I am baffled by the idea of external validation showing up in this conversation.

Making a declaration is NEVER about the opinions of others.  When one makes a declaration of intent, the folks around us are welcome to be Dedicated Witnesses, but their presence (and their opinions) are entirely optional.

Being validated by a Tribal Elder can work out well for those involved, but we are rare, and can’t be counted on to exist everywhere.

That leaves only YOU.  If you are uncomfortable with making a declaration, that’s fine.  However, I have always achieved higher levels of confidence, satisfaction and personal growth when I consciously stop one phase (particularly when I feel “stuck”) and begin another.

My declarations are always to myself.  Others can buy into what I am saying, or not.  I am still going to move forward, and I want to take some chances along the way.  By letting others in on my plans, I am giving them a chance to be the wind beneath my wings.

I’m always ranting about how it takes a village to raise up a high-quality Sir.  Being a Lone Wolf slows down one’s progress.  Maybe the problem here is that you haven’t yet opened up your life’s progression to allow others to assist you along the way.  I can’t know for sure, without knowing you better.\

Keep questioning and asking!