Making Public Declarations, While Standing In Your Power

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dontcallmemistress said: Hello and good day, Sir. I’m a fellow dominant, although from a different tribe. I’m a wee babe when it comes to being honest about what I am and what I want. I saw your post about not using discipline, abuse, force, and such. I applaud you. That’s the path I’m trying to walk. However, I’m also a sadist with masochistic, beloved toys. Humiliation is as vital as air at times. Always done with tender affection, but the embarrassment is real. Forgive my anxiety, but am I doing wrong? Thank you.

Papa Tony:

Thanks for writing - It is a pleasure to meet you!

Short answer:  There is NOTHING wrong here.

My reason for making my own declarations is to say “This is who I am, and here is why.”  My underlying intention is to role-model, saying “It’s okay to be yourself, without apology.  Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.”

I have been picked-on.  I have been shamed for being outside of the mainstream.  The term “Old Guard” was used as a stick to beat me with, because according to others, I could never, ever reach that exalted position.  I used to worry about that.  Then, one day, I made my declaration, with dedicated witnesses.

And with that, I was no longer at the effect of other people’s opinions.  I invite everyone to do the same, using what is true for YOU.

Here Is Why This Is Important

Tumblr is a great place for porn, fantasy and titillation.  It’s also rather bad for our self-image.  We measure ourselves, consciously or not, against folks with outrageously-good looks.
Sometimes, outrageously Photoshopped good looks.

There is no way that 99.99% of us can compare ourselves favorably to THAT.  So, our souls die, but just a little bit.  A piece of our self-esteem breaks off and is lost along the way.  No matter what we do, we must surely be stuck, miles behind somebody, somewhere, who is much more worthy than us.
And we are sure that those mythical folks are having a hell of a lot more fun.  Well, guess what?  We are all in the same trap.  We are all paranoid that we must be doing something wrong.  Otherwise, our lives would certainly be a hell of a lot better, somehow.

Ideally, it would be great if we were celebrated at a lovely ceremony, where we are applauded for being admirable, wise and proficient.

Raise your hand if this has happened for you, personally.  Anybody?

Since we lack Tribal Elders worldwide, then all that we have is ourselves.  We can choose to make our OWN declarations, with loving friends to witness.  We can wait forever for somebody else to bless and certify us, or we can just step into our power.  We can rise to our OWN next level, and never need to go back.

Desire Is Fluid

There is NO SHOP MANUAL for kinksters.  When so many gay men died, a few wrote books about Old Guard.  In a search for validity and a sense of being part of something larger than ourselves, many folks took these books FAR too seriously.

The rest of us can either cower under the negative judgments or a tiny, TINY minority, and believe that we are of little value, or we can laugh and do what PLEASES our souls, and feeds our needs.
What is my only caveat, that has nothing to do with you, or anyone else that I know?  Non-consensuality.  I get real judgmental, real fast.  

We no longer live in an age of Either/Or, such as when I was going up in the 1960′s.  EITHER you are 100% heterosexual, OR you are 100% gay.  That was never true.

Thanks to the Internet, more and more of us are cluing-in to the fact that desire, kinks, sexuality, gender and relationships are non-binary, and can not only change over time, but can be celebrated without apology.

Why do they call it a “Pride” parade?  Because pride is the opposite of shame.

If a particular kink is of great use and pleasure for you and everyone in your life, then do us all a favor, and go for the gold.  Take ownership of how you are, and be proud.  I invite you to make your own declaration.

In the modern age, let’s stop allowing others to shame us for not fitting into a box.  I am not box-shaped, and neither are you.