Finding a Sir… A Few Tips

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From Sub One: Hi…just a new sub …shy and trying to learn. Any advice for me…I can c u are real-I will answer any question-I am very submissive-in LA. I am looking for a Master…I am bi - I like Total Power Exchange service….how should I start my search, or exploring, do you think? 

From Sub Two: This is being a little frustrating to be honest with you.. I didn’t think it would be so hard to find someone that I felt attraction to who was into what I like.I have a profile on recon.com but everyone I talk to there say they like me and they are looking for a slave/boi but when I ask to meet or exchange numbers they say they are too busy or they stop answering or they say they already have one.. but yet they are still logged in there.

Papa Tony:

Requesting such a relationship from strangers (as you have now learned) simply doesn’t work. That is because it is a deeper-than-usual relationship that you are requesting. Back in the days when I made the mistake of creating an accurate, authentic Recon personal profile, I received A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN requests like yours in the very first 24 hours of creating the profile. I received hundreds more (from every major continent) before I pulled the plug.

As a very high-status, ridiculously visible Sir/Daddy/Master/Dominant, I recognize that there are plenty of applicants for the position of submissive, boy or slave. Hundreds of requests (with nothing other than sheer neediness behind them) simply become background noise. It’s just how the human brain works.

You will ONLY achieve the most-effective results by becoming active in your local kinky community. Go forth and let yourself be known, not just as a submissive candidate for a relationship with a Sir, but as a great guy that your new friends can recommend.

It only works if you take the time and energy to build a solid reputation in a Tribe that wants to know what you are truly like. Otherwise, you’re just one of zillions, and nobody will notice you in the crowds.

One boy got in touch with his natural, honorable role as a Boot Submissive at last night’s Men’s Discussion. It rocked his world, and he was surrounded with approval. The Tops in the crowd noticed, too.

Your attractiveness rises:

- If you’re not a flake, and ALWAYS keep your word.

- If you’re willing to contribute to the success of various events (such as by volunteering)

- If you have Boy Scout tendencies - Trustworthy, Loyal, etc.

- If you ask for help, and listen to advice. That is what we are here for.

If you DO these things, then doors will open for you, that are invisible to most people. You’ll receive extra helpings of advice and coaching. You’ll gain better friends in your life by BEING a better friend to others.

I’m currently training dozens of dominant males to take ownership of their Mastery and Sir status. They will ALL need boys, slaves, submissives, eventually.

If you are the type of guy who wants to grow and learn, and support others in their growth, then you’re the kind of submissive male that GETS THE SIR.

The ball is now in your court. Let’s see if you can take the first steps that I recommend, and then you will find that more, really useful information gets unlocked for you…

To become active in your local kinky community, requires there to actually be a local kinky community.

Try going lateral - What if there is a THRIVING community nearby, but it is not visible to you?

Many isolated gay males are find community of a sort on Fetlife. They can attend local “munches” where male and female Doms and subs mingle. You may well be the only visible gay-male there, but you will still be welcome. They may have wise advice for you that will help you on your path. Some of the best wisdom I have ever received as been from heterosexuals, lesbians and transfolk.

They might be able to steer you into better directions that lead to you achieving your goals. It’s an option.

There are also issues when those active in your local community. When it is dominated by dangerous idiots who wantonly will not take advice, who will not practice safer sex and have no regard for the basics of sane safe and consensual interactions and have injured people. I am currently trying to persuade an acquaintance that they should go to the police. However the “Spanner judgement” is a major impediment - this judgement states “any injury, no matter how transient cannot be consented to.

I agree! There has never been a time where we didn’t have crap like this happening. In the absence of kind, wise and respectable leaders, then the Law of the Jungle prevails. When that happens, then bullies get to be at the top of the heap.

In my own case, I had to create my own, separate and safe social circle. When given a better choice, the brotherly men came running, and the bullies lost all power.