The Need To Submit

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submissive4dominant:

i had a back and forth message conversation with a young sub over the weekend who was struggling to accept his desires. i recognised a lot of what i went through for a while. The questions: Why do i get off from serving, have extreme fantasies about being humiliated and tortured, why do i have this overwhelming need to be ‘owned, am i damaged in some way, will i ever find happiness?’.

In my own past, i did the reading, the psychological theories, i even had some therapy for a while. Every time they tried to jump on the idea of some form of abuse at an early age and that it all came from low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity or abandonment. Now, maybe that is true for some but it wasn’t for me and it didn’t seem to be for the sub i was talking to. i had an incredibly average childhood, supportive parents, not a lot of money so few luxuries but basically your average working class/blue collar family.

i’ve written before that the need to submit was there from an early age, before i was aware of sexuality even. And yes it’s a bit of a cliche but i was attracted to the rough older boys, was drawn to them like a moth to a flame, if they wanted to bully a kid, i was happy for them to do it to me. That was when i started jerking off, thinking about them and i went to them willingly. i was a popular kid, had loads of friends, was pretty good at my school work…again average.

i believe that being submissive is as much part of my wiring as being gay. it’s part of me. i’m no scientist but now we know about the gay gene, i wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a submissive gene, a dominant gene. But the main thing i wanted to say, and how i left it with the sub, was that at the end of the day, does it really matter where it comes from if you accept it and enjoy it?

Finding other subs and Doms to talk to was the key. Yes we are different, some subs want to be humiliated, some don’t, some Doms want complete control others are more flexible etc. What we get from spaces like tumblr is the knowledge that we are not alone…however twisted your fantasies. On here it seems you always find someone who’s fantasies are darker! But nothing beats one to one contact and i directed the sub to various leather/BDSM groups where he could meet others.

Once i was able to embrace my submissiveness, enjoy it, value it, whether it was the dark twisted non-consensual fantasies or the intimacy and dedication of real servitude/TPE, then i found peace and contentment. Don’t spend hours, days, weeks, years agonising about why am i like this, just get on with it and be proud of what you are able to offer. Trying to change who we are is the quickest route to lack of fulfillment and unhappiness.

i chose the pic above because the sub seems to have found that place of bliss and contentment in his servitude, happy to feel in his rightful place,