Monday, September 10, 2018

Advice & Soft Skills

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Learn solid interpersonal skills, and to overcome obstacles in healthy ways
These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.

You can find the Master Index for every category here.

This page is only one of many categories.  There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.

I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.

Domspace Vs. Subspace - Kept him warm, kept him safe. Easy voice, calm strokes down his body. His eyes wild as I ordered him to breathe with me–count in, count out. And as he came out of that whimpering, inchoate subspace the most…

How to Build Up a Scene - By “scene”, I mean a structured period of play. In a way, you could think of it as “scripted”, having a beginning, a middle and an end, but it doesn’t need to be a role-play.

Oxytocin: It’s Not Just The ‘Love’ Hormone After All - It’s also one of those fun chemicals involved in subspace and suspected in even Domspace. I suspect it is very involved in sub-or-Dom-drop via the rebound effect as well.

Pro-Verbal - When I am teaching a new submissive, I stress the following idea: "The More That You Submit, The More That I Dominate."  The exact opposite is true, too.

Body Positivity: Doing the Mirror Exercise - The first set of instruction is a comprehensive written list of all the parts of my body I currently “hate,” with details. And then I have to give Him the list.

Layering - Layering is the act of placing an action, word, protocol, or anything else intended to make a submissive move into sub space. Layering is a tool a lot of doms use without even thinking about it.

I  Wanna Try Being A Sub But I Don't Think I'm Ready To Be Owned Yet - Ownership is not something I equate to my submission. There is a big difference between subbing a few times for a local Dom to test the waters, subbing consistently with the same Dom(s)

Going On Prep And Going Condomless - I think that a greater degree of caution is necessary in undertaking this approach and that if you (like me) have a partner, you really need to discuss the implications…

Male Chastity? What's the Point? - I don’t understand the point of locking up. What does this do? Why is this attractive? Not trying to judge but trying to understand why the gusto for “caging” a dick.

Defining Some Structure for a Submissive - There needs to be a better understanding of submission…

Making Declarations, for Good and for Bad - In the last year I’ve accepted I’m not a Man.  I’m not supposed to be muscular and dominant and confident.  I’m a submissive boy maybe even a little bit gurl...

Automatically Turning Pain Into Pleasure - a rare and valuable ability.

How to Process Pain - I want to talk about how to handle pain being doled out by a Sir. If you want to get anything out of the intense experiences pain can bring then you’ll need to learn how to cope with physical pain.

Labels 101 - How does a Master/slave relationship differs from a Master/boy one? Is it possible to be a slave to a Daddy? If so, how would it work?

Neediness vs. Indifference: Finding The Balance, Every Day - I get scared sometimes, Papa. What if I find my Daddy but I end up scaring him away with all my neediness?

Supporting Our Youth - Advice from past experience

Abuse vs. Discipline - Being rigorous with terminology

No Safeword is Not an Excuse - The value of checking-in

The secret about D/s is... - Simple and wise advice. There is no secret. Friends. Really. There’s not. There’s no secret to making kinky partnerships work or to communicating with a partner or any other aspect of being two people in a consenting arrangement.

The Difference Between Sadomasochism And Abuse - an excellent standard reference. How do you tell the difference between sadomasochism and abuse? I mean because isn't being a sadist abusing (?) but in a good way. I'm sorry if this is a stupid question I'm just confused.

Every Kinky Term I Can Think of in 5 Minutes and What It Means - This should be a good jumping off point to introduce you to new kinks that you may not have heard of but may interest you…

Folsom Street Fair Tips For Newbies - Every year, there are first-timers who might accidentally miss out by just showing up, without being on the right party lists, and not knowing where to go… The really, really good attractions for kinksters are going away very quickly.  Enjoy what is left while you can!

Pain Play, and Gaining Marks, Explained - There is a lot of good to be said about mutually-enjoyed pain play

The Value of Switches - Given your experience, what is your opinion on switches? I can identify as one of them but I keep walking in a world where you need to be either a top or a bottom, either a dom or sub.

When Kinky Scenes Go Wrong - One of the MOST popular articles in my collection: How to be a Sir who succeeds, even when things go sideways

Responsibility - A Follow-Up on When Kinky Scenes Go Wrong

Collaring… All Types - Heavily updated, and packed with real-world wisdom: Collaring… All Types, and Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring. A collar is the most powerful symbol of ownership and commitment in the BDSM community. A collar should be earned, not given lightly.

Positive Things To Say To Your Submissive - Doms, Masters, Daddy’s and Men - your boys are meant to serve you, but you need to take care of them too!!!!

Dangerous Doms - What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous dominant?  Short answer: I am always on alert to spot somebody who uses Force instead of Strength.  There is a huge difference between the two...

Dangerous Subs - The Eternal Victim - What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous sub? Short answer:  Someone who does not take responsibility for their lives, or how their behavior affects others.

What to look for in a Sir - This might prove useful for newer submissives who are trying to figure out how to suss dominants. I also thought it would be handy for newer dominants to know what traits and behaviors to show off to attract submissives.

Bullying - I bring this up because I have found that bullying while present is difficult to immediately recognize in bdsm. In short, if someone is trying to pressure you or trick you into something you genuinely don’t want to do. That’s bullying.

Advice For My Fellow Doms - How to get better at it.  Don't compare yourself to me, or to any other Dom.  That's a loser's game, and you can never win.  This has never been a competition.  You are exactly as valid as I am.  We all had to start somewhere…

Lessons for New Dominants - There were some things I learned tangentially to his lessons that I believe newer dominants needing direction could benefit from…

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