Dangerous Doms

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Anonymous said: What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous dominant?
Papa Tony:

Short answer: I am always on alert to spot somebody who uses Force instead of Strength.  There is a huge difference between the two.

I have spent decades being tightly connected to my local Kink community.  The reason why Leather-Fetish affinity-groups have ALWAYS existed is BECAUSE of the Bad Doms out there.  Kinky folks who live in the light of day, openly and proud are the ones who gather in Tribes.  We are protective by nature, and are the first to say “That’s the man, officer - arrest him!”  or “You MIGHT want to stay away from that guy - He doesn’t respect the word ‘NO!’”

Bad Doms make the rest of us look bad.  They perpetuate the stereotypes.

I’m not talking about ignorant, new or inept Doms.  I’m talking about sociopaths, frankly. Somebody who enjoys others’ suffering or harm, and who has no ability to relate to any part of it.  The ones who leave damaged subs behind them, and keep looking for more to use up and throw away.  The ones who can’t hang onto a sub for more than a few days.

Here is a great way to spot one:  He's really, really nice to you, but when you go out for a dinner date, he is nasty to the server.  BIG, RED FLAG.

I am glad to say that I am the exact opposite,  I am perceptive, kind, approval-based, and I enjoy, long, LONG relationships with my subs.

Many people think that money is the best currency.  It’s not.  It’s credibility.  You can’t buy credibility with any amount of money.  Kinky clubs are based upon credibility.  If you are a stand-up guy, a “mensch,” then you gain the benefits of being in a support network… “”Let me introduce you to somebody who would be good for you.”  “Him?  He’s newly-single, and a GREAT catch.  You are exactly his type.”

Bad Doms?  They don’t stick around, because they like to hide and deceive.  They operate in the dark.  They may smile to your face, but are just setting the trap. They lack a sense of responsibility.

I would like hear some stories or questions on this topic.  I've been writing long, involved articles for decades.  I'd like shift into more of a dialog.

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From hadriantemple:

It’s estimated that as many as 2% of people may be sociopathic. Not all of them are truly dangerous, but all of them are fundamentally selfish in ways that make them bad doms and partners. So why truly bad doms are rare, they’re out there. Novice boys need to learn how to recognize the signs that a dom is one of the bad ones. As @papatonyinsandiego says, force in place of inner strength is one. Issuing demands is another—a good dom may have rules, but he’ll listen to a boy’s concerns and try to accommodate them. A good dom makes you want to obey; a bad dom makes you afraid to disobey.

From tomgcooktown:

A clue for a quality Dom is the same as the clues for anybody else. Aside from how He treats you in your privacy together, observe how He treats others, especially those weaker than He. If he yells at the check-out guy. If he honks at the old lady crossing the street. If he kicks ANY animal. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. When you become the slightest inconvenience He will both drop you & blame you. Being assertive is what you look for. His having a prick & using it is what you want. His BEING a prick is entirely different. Same advice as to abused women…LEAVE & STAY GONE.  Master T