Dangerous Subs

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Anonymous said: What is your biggest red flag for a dangerous sub? 

Papa Tony:

Short answer:  Someone who does not take responsibility for their lives, or how their behavior affects others.

There are three parts to Drama:  The Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.  The most delightful, delicious role is the Victim… The Victim is NEVER responsible.  Every bad thing is always somebody else’s fault.  If a sub promises to show up, and never does, or arrives an hour and a half late with lame-ass excuses (when he could have texted at ANY time), then he never gets another chance from me.  He is now welcome to tell everybody around him (the Rescuers) that I am a terrible man (the Persecutor).

I grew up with Big Drama in my family, and I am allergic to it.  I choose to be a responsible man.  A sub who withholds honest feedback, who stores up resentments and then explodes with anger, and who tells big tales about how everybody is picking on him is NOT a sub who will grow alongside me in our journey together.

Decades ago, I used to attend kinky play-parties at a big industrial warehouse that I nicknamed “Submission Valley.” The main warehouse was jammed so full of kinky furniture, toys and miscellaneous structures (such as “The Rack”) that you had to walk sideways through most of it.

The head guy was named Master Mike. I was warned about him - “Watch out!  he’s a BAD SIR!”  Well, that was bullshit.  He treated his six house slaves respectfully, and he had a truly kind nature.  I watched him for months, ready for any signs of abuse, and I only saw a decent man.

After a few years, one of Mike’s collared slaves started flirting with me.  I very courteously let him know that I was not shopping for new talent.  I was in no position to take on a full-time slave.  He continued to try and convince me, for months.

He told me that he wanted to break up with Master Mike.  I suggested that the two of them talk about it.  “Oh, no - I could never do that.”  He wouldn’t hear of it.

Suddenly Master Mike was on the evening news, for WEEKS.  The little shithead slave had decided that the best path for breaking up with his Sir was to go to the news and the police, and smear Master Mike.  Every night, the TV news would show Mike in handcuffs and orange overalls, doing the Perp Walk, while NEW allegations were added to the pile.

Mike was forcing his slaves to have sex with strangers for money.  Everybody was being forced to have sex with Mike’s two overweight, utterly-spoiled Dobermans. The list of appalling charges just went on and on, and NONE of it was remotely true.

Months later, I saw the slave again, and I tried to get him to understand what a horrid thing he had done.  If I had been quacking like a duck, I would probably have made more sense to him, because the idea of being a responsible adult simply didn't show up on his radar.  He felt perfectly justified in using such a vile tactic to get what he wanted. He felt that his behavior was part of his roguish charm.

I told every kinky man that I knew what had happened.  That slave had to move to a different city to seek a Sir, because nobody would talk to him.

Several years later, I attended the first meeting of ACT UP San Diego  This was in the late 1980′s.  Off in the back, all by himself, I saw Master Mike.  He had finally gotten out of prison, and he was a shrunken, broken and defeated man.  I sat next to him and told him how sorry I was for what had been done to him.  He had been cruelly violated, and I hugged him while he cried.

Two months later, he was dead.  He lives on in my memories.