Papa Tony:
I am writing this from the viewpoint of the older, experienced kinky Leather Mentor. This may not apply to others in my age-group. I am driven to seek out those who I consider to be the very best new talents, and focus my supportive energies upon these superstars. I’ve been doing this for a long time.
This answer is hard to answer in a generic way. I have exceptional amounts of intuition, and that can’t be taught. Either you have big antennas, or you don’t.
Capturing My Attention
I look for the bright, perceptive ones. I will see some new face in the crowd at a public event. Being a natural-born Julie the Cruise Director, I will approach them with the intention of helping them to fit in as soon as possible. As I speak, I am ascertaining their responses, and tuning my approach accordingly.
When their reaction is to interrupt me eagerly, moving the conversation forward very quickly, then that’s a big clue. Folks like that tend to be the Smartest Person In The Room, and that can be a lonely place. It’s much nicer to find a peer, or a mentor. Those can be very hard to find for an exceptionally talented person.
I look for wit, humor, responsibility and a strong sense of self. I have been accused of having an ego “the size of Montana.” Well, gosh - In a world where people will misinterpret your motivations because you operate on a vastly different level, having a healthy ego is how you stay sane.
Using Questions to Dig Deeper
I am always on the watch for the ones who can answer probing questions, such as:
- If you were to walk into a room full of a hundred strangers, interacting strongly, how long would it take for you to figure out what the vibe in the room is?
- Same crowd, but now, how long would it take you to figure out who the Movers and Shakers in the room are… The ones that everybody is deferring to?
- After something big happens in your life (good or bad), do you just blow it off and keep going, or do you stop and ponder afterward, trying to get maximum value and wisdom from this teachable experience?
- Have you ever warned a friend that their current path will lead them to a bad result, and then it happens the way that you predicted?
- When was the last time that you made an impulsive, gut-level choice, and then you failed?
These leading questions have no bad answers. Whatever is that individual’s truth is just fine. However, I am asking these questions to see how deep somebody’s level of perception may be.
Agreements
When I find somebody who impresses me with their wit and ability to astonish me, I make agreements with them as a Mentor:
Nobody does anything for free. EVERYBODY has a desired payoff, no matter how idealistic. I am like anybody else, so here is the price that I demand in return for my help:
Some day, when there is gray in your hair, I expect that you will meet a new, rising star. Help them, and that will pay me back. I’m paying-off the dozens of older men who supported MY dreams when I needed it most.
I am not annoyed by anything that my protégés bring me... sadness, joy, anger, whatever. I am a good listener, and then I speak to whatever is underneath. This helps them to get back to their center.
I value integrity, but I have no interest in perfection. So, you’re off the hook.
I am approval-based. No disapproval. Ever. I don’t move the goalposts and deny approval.
Everything that I share is meant as an offering. I have nothing attached to forcing you to strictly adhere to anything that I say.
Instead, I make invitations. Invitations can be
- Accepted
- Denied, or
- Renegotiated.
I am okay with any of those choices.
There is no pressure to respond immediately, if I reach out. You can take days to respond, and I won’t be stressed. I have nothing attached to prompt, complete replies. I’m not going anywhere.
Right now, our relationship is asymmetric. I’m forty years ahead of you, and, frankly, most folks. I won’t be lording it over you. My actual goal is to get you to THIS level, and soon. I like having peers.
Conclusion
I have been mentoring kinky folks for decades. I specialize in the thoughtful ones; sensitive, perceptive, clever and rare. They seek me out, because my tone of instruction draws them in. I am speaking their language.
I teach them coping mechanisms, success techniques and life-wisdom. I also teach them philosophy that allows the maximum number of people to succeed.
It is my assertion that the perceptive ones make the best leaders, mentors and role-models. We can see several steps beyond most folks.
If we are using our perceptions in a powerful, joyful way, we can see the underlying context and flow in any social gathering. Then, we guide things to a successful completion.
I make it my business to bring that new star plenty of peers who are just as special. They will no longer have to slow down their thoughts to allow others to catch up. Everybody can be fully self-expressed without holding back. This is a rare and wonderful gift.
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