The Big Secret Of Cruising Success In A Bar

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Papa Tony:

Think of the stereotypical horny and lonely man in a bar.  He is using corny pickup lines with everybody, and he can't seem catch a break, because he appears awkward and desperate.  He'd do so much better if he just knew what to do that WORKED.

This is the same with many kinksters on the prowl.  You see some porn fantasies on Tumblr, so you try what is described there.  Then, it doesn't work so well.  This is because real life is not always a fantasy.  The direct, starting-the-encounter-as-if-we-were-in-a-porn-movie approach CAN work pretty well, under the right circumstances, but being honest to your true feelings can work even better.

Over the decades, I have had a lot of very baffling first encounters.  Usually in bars.

Many men have come up and started growling in deep, monotone (hyper-masculine) voices, or trying to LIFT me off of the ground, or biting/punching/spanking me. That used to happen a lot in the 1980's.  Then, I took karate classes, and those approaches (and assaults) dwindled away.  I assume that this was because I carried myself differently, with greater confidence, like a bodyguard.  I'm under the impression that these men were aggressively and clumsily trying to attract the bigger Dom.  This is off-putting for me, because it is all an ACT.  I would then do my best to calm him down, and tell him that it isn't a good approach for me.  It's not a Butchness Competition.

At the other extreme, there are the ones who freeze, and don't take any chances at all.  Decades ago, I would go to Wolf's, which was our biggest local leather bar.  I'd be all duded-up, in head to toe leather gear.  I'd enter through the leather curtain, and duck my head to get under the doorway.  I'd walk through the crowd of hundreds of horny men, and I'd smile in the friendliest possible way.

Nobody would look at me, and nobody would talk to me.  After making a few circuits of the bar, I'd go home and jack off.  I was young, and I clearly didn't have the social graces that I have now.  I'd go to the same bar with a buddy, and would do the same thing, but with him following me while observing the crowd.  I'd make one circuit, and he'd say "Wow!  Everybody was looking at you!"  I'd say "What? Who? Where?!??"  He explained "As soon as you would pass, thy'd whip their heads around."  Clearly, our mutual desires weren't connecting.

So, here is THE BIG SECRET OF CRUISING SUCCESS IN A BAR:

You see somebody attractive.  He seems to be exactly what you want.  DON'T do the direct, porn-fantasy approach.  Instead, move through the crowd, and as you pass your object of desire, compliment him on something nice about himself ("Is that a new haircut?  It looks great on you."), and then KEEP WALKING.  Ignore him.  Head to the bathroom or something.  After ten minutes, circulate through the crowd and pass him again.  Make friendly eye contact.  He's going to smile.  You've intrigued him.

Here is why... We live in the age of distraction.  We get spammed by emails, messages and phone calls that are trying to hammer at our attention fast, before we can get away.  We have developed an allergy to that approach.  By giving him a compliment (this is called a "Warm Fuzzy") without expecting an instant payoff, you've set yourself apart.  The ice has been broken.

The next part is up to you, but you've done something nice and friendly.  Keep going with that.