The Flog Swarm, Explained

 Photos by the ever-superb Scott SmithFrom Papa Tony:

On Saturday, May 31, FetishMenSanDiego will be hosting our next Flog Swarm at 12 noon. Details here.

Clearly, this is something new, and difficult to understand, because it's not even remotely like typical day-to-day life.

So, I will explain it:

The men of FMSD have found a way to establish deep trust with each other at EVERY event, so that everybody goes home happy. We post pictures, videos, articles and audio of our events, which are clearly well-attended and joyful.

We also host events that are NOT posted online.  These small gatherings are more intimate, ecstatic, playful and Tribal.

The Flog Swarm is a BIG gathering (72 folks so far, with ten days to go), but it's the same theme.  It's a way for somewhat-overwhelmed, modern human beings to experience the endorphins of communal joy and relaxed intimacy, in an absolutely safe and welcoming space. We can leave the problems of the world outside for a while.

Think about that.

How can we claim this?  Because we make this sort of promise, and deliver on our promises, ALL OF THE TIME.  When a team is this tight, this trusting, and this interconnected, we can flow from one moment to another, and guide the crowd from one delightful experience, and into the next. This is how an affectionate team works together, when it's not about dominance games.

I could go on and on, but the point has been made.

If you miss this event, you WILL be hearing about it for years to come. The men and women who will be a part of this will have plenty to say, and all of it will be good.

Open Letter To My Brothers Who Attended The Harness Party Last Night

Nobody took any pictures last night, 

but this pic was from the first Flog Swarm 

in the same bar a year ago, 

with much of the same crowd.

I was so proud of each of you last night at the Harness Party:

Clearly, you were so ready for the upcoming Flog Swarm, you were eager to strut your stuff RIGHT NOW.

Yes, there were men in attendance who arrived at different levels of confidence, from the shyest newbie on up, and there were plenty of men who were there to strap on some leather gear and strut around like sexy, sexy peacocks (and weren’t they hot?).

And, there were my beautiful brothers, strolling with purpose, with floggers on your hips, hugging with intentionality, being fully-present with each other, smiling with complete authenticity, and knowing exactly what you’re good for.  And proving it.

We completely took ownership of that event, and everybody was glad. Whatever end of the flogger you may have been on, you men LIVED LEATHER.  That kind of role-modeling can’t be faked.

The DJ told me later that you men had such a great time entertaining and thrilling the crowd, the fun didn't wind down for a LONG time - Much longer than normal.

95% of the men in that bar arrived because my newsletter told them that it was a good idea.  How do I know?  I circulated, gathered hugs and did Market Research.

There were men there, who weren’t yet ready to step up to their next level.  That’s fine. They got an EYEFUL of what is waiting for them, once they become brave enough to surrender to their truest feelings.

I couldn’t be prouder of you, my brothers.  You showed expertise, tenderness, caring, and calm acceptance.  In my long, long career as a leatherman, I’ve never seen better examples of Tribe in action.  Equivalent, yes, but never better.

---

MY REQUEST GOING FORWARD

The two Flog Swarm Practice Sessions are coming up soon, shortly followed by the main event.  I’m going to need you to be utterly charming Party Hosts and instructors at each one of them, in your own personal style.  You don’t have to pretend to be me. Not everybody is a Julie the Cruise Director!

The folks who will be joining us (55 so far, over twice the size of the last one) are already pre-inclined to stand beside us with honor, trust and respect.  These aren’t some random goofballs wandering in off of the street. These folks read our newsletters and postings, and yearn to be close and sweet, as we clearly are with each other.

I ask that you let your light SHINE for the rest of the month, and then from then onward, in whatever way that works best for you, from moment to moment.  At this time, we are all Spirit Guides who will welcome more beautiful, diverse people into our circle of true Tribe.

I trust you, I value you, and I applaud you.

Why I Train Tops On A Constant Basis

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

UPDATE:  I am currently too ill to directly teach classes, with no real idea when (or if) I will get better.  In the meantime, I am now mentoring online, with folks in Manitoba, Bangkok, Edinburgh, and all over the USA.

I still post the following, older article, to let folks know what has been possible.

---

Papa Tony:

Several times every week, I used to create small, private, extremely social gatherings of Tops, Doms, Sirs, Misters and Masters who want to know more about being a highly-respected, experienced man of the Tribe.  Now  am too old to do this any more, but I am leaving a historical record:

---

THE AGENDA FOR EVERY GATHERING:

There aren’t enough Mentors to go around.  There is a huge need.  If we leave things the way that they are, there never WILL be enough kind, wise, experienced and self-confident dominant Elders, Mentors, Leaders and Role-Models to make a noticeable difference in our Tribe.  

I’m doing my part to change that.  I'm taking the long, long view, and it’s working really, really well.

Since I started, there are MANY more couples, Leather Families and collared, deeply-satisfied submissives showing up in our Tribe.  That's my pay-off.  I grew up as a young "Sir In Training" in the 1970's, when we had a thriving, ongoing cycle of mentoring between the generations.

It has been my self-appointed duty to bring back the Tribal culture that sustained me so well.

---

BACKGROUND HISTORY

Decades ago, we had plenty of dominant males who were:

- Heavy players

- Wise and experienced

- Willing to kindly share what they knew, and

- Visible and available.

Nowadays, not so much.  Those gay-male Sirs were the first and the fastest to die, back in the bad old days.  They have NOT been replaced in any visible quantities. Their loss has rippled down the years, and the wound in our cultural psyche has some more healing to do.

As a result, we have seen two younger generations of dominant males who have never known when they have graduated to their next level, because nobody with large numbers of miles on their odometer has loved them enough to say so, when it became apparent. A lot of men feel like posers, fakers and wannabes, when the truth is that they have enormous amounts of what it takes.  They have just never felt "certified".

---

WHAT I DO

My job is to hold up a mirror to each man, on an extremely individual basis, and to help him to see how valuable he already is.  Yes, I help him polish his technique…  but far more importantly, I coach him on how to be the kind of man that the Tribe is looking for.  I show him success techniques, social skills, coping-mechanisms, and various tips that can help him to grow into his next level.

I teach him the difference between "force", and "strength". Being macho, 100% intense and emotionally blocked-off works GREAT.

If you're starring in a porn video.

I teach men how to live BALANCED lives, where you can let your strongest passions out, AND be tender, emotional and thoughtful as well. The pendulum has to swing freely.  There is a difference between being BOSSY, and being a natural leader.

---

MALE INTIMACY

There is a lot of Male Intimacy at these training-events.  No, not sex.  Intimacy.  We join together in affectionate hugs that really bind us closer as brothers.  We cuddle in "Puppy Piles", where we relax and sprawl upon each other.  We laugh loudly, and act silly at times, while engaging in "Top Talk".

If this is NOT your style, you won't like the rest of what happens, either.  It's all part of dropping the shields, and being fully present with some great guys. We all need trusted brothers, and every event is all about brotherhood.

The bottoms that attend these events get to go through a wide variety of experiences, and are required to give solid, visible reactions on a constant basis. That way, the men in training can get useful feedback, which helps them enormously.

Every dominant that passes through this process has to progress at his own rate, and in his own time.  There are no short-cuts, but the payoff is very satisfying for all of us who are there with him during his journey.

---

RULES

I'm not strict, but I do expect, at a minimum, that you will be a man of your word.  I'm not very flexible on the subject of living in integrity. Just don't be a flake, and we will get along great.

We also do NOT do drugs.  Intoxication is a serious no-no. Mental clarity is how we do things.

If things are not working out, I will give you clear, unmistakeable information that will help you get better at fitting in.  If you still can't play by our rules of courtesy, you will be told that you are not welcome any more. This has never happened so far at these events.

---

THE COST

There is a cost for everything, and I'm pretty strict about this:

In return for my time, kindness and generosity, I demand that you share everything that you learn, without holding back, at every opportunity.  We need many, many more mentors, and information shared is wisdom multiplied. Set a goal of being a wise old, gray-bearded man some day, who is beloved for his wisdom that is so readily apparent and available.

---

HOW TO FIND OUT MORE

If any of this sounds appealing, and if you identify as male, contact me at papatony @mac.com, and let me know if you have read through some of the materials that I have posted online.  I consider at least SOME of it to be a prerequisite for acceptance in the ongoing parade of newly-minted, certified and confident Sirs, Masters, Doms and Daddies.

This is my show.  I take full responsibility for the safety, well-being and success of the space.  I'm ridiculously easy to work with.  My keen observational skills, my empathy and my natural "Border Collie" nature make me fully-present at every moment.

Let's play, and grow, and bond closely.  Things are going GREAT.  The effects are rippling out in the world and making a huge difference.  Come be a part of it.

---

REVIEWS

From David:

I whole heartedly agree with what you Wrote.. and to be quite blunt you are Right.. I have never had a Father Figure or even a Older Tribesman who has shown me the way.. I have felt Lost for  So long I cant tell you how good it feels to finally after so many years to have found a Mentor whom I look up to and look forward to learning from…

what I have noticed over the last few years (before I met you) is that I myself have taken on the role of Teacher to younger men.. Imbuing them with my knowledge and understanding of life as I have seen and experienced it.. Granted I was sexual with those men but at the same time it was a Genuine concern for them and their lives that made me want to be their Daddy.. I feel a need to HELP those who are less fortunate.. or haven't made it to where I have..  

I guess this is exactly why we have clicked as friends.. and I am very Grateful to the universe for bringing me here.. and being a part of this group of Men.

———

From Frank:

My Thoughts,

I am a New Explorer to the Kink scene. My BDSM initiation was at Body Electric workshop last fall. I returned to SD seeking comrades in my own backyard.  Shortly after my return I met Papa Tony and was introduced to FMSD. One of the friendliest and welcoming groups of men I have yet to meet.

I was seeking not only play buddies, but knowledge of safe and expert use of toys. I simply expressed this to Papa Tony and then showed up. In the past few months he has become a mentor and friend.

My ill found beliefs about BDSM were dispelled at my B.E. workshop. I was concerned when I left that bubble what I would find in the ‘real’ world. I am writing this to tell you what Papa T professes (and those of you that know him know how well he does that, profess I mean….love you man!) is that BDSM is about intense connections. These connections are based on Trust and Respect. These are tenets I experienced in the bubble and am happy to report are practiced here in real live San Diego.

Yeah, he has taught me the basics of using a flogger and single tail. But his most important lesson is to make sure that those I play with can trust me and that I respect them even if they are playing a submissive role.

One last thing, (don’t want his head to get too big….either one, as he’s probably getting a big ole boner) Men are all too often recognized or rewarded for things other people think they should be doing. Here at FMSD we are doing what we want to do, being true to ourselves AND if you demonstrate that honestly and share that with your comrades respectfully Papa Tony is there to support, recognize and reward you.

Heartfelt regards Pops, Frank

———

From Magnum:

I've been on/off in the San Diego leather/kink/BDSM since 2006. 

I've read numerous books and attended various workshops including Body Electric's BDSM workshop "Power, Surrender & Intimacy".

However, using the knowledge gained from those experiences combined with the artistry, mentorship and mastery of Papa Tony's guidance has allowed me to fully embrace and step into my authentic master/top/leader energies.

Other benefits I've gained from Papa Tony's mentorship & guidance:

~ trust, consistency & responsibility 

~ clarity of my mission as a Leatherman

~ self confidence & control

~ balance, intimacy, & time management with my collared submissives and my other "poly relationships".

~ intergration of archetypal energies (king, magician, warrior, lover)

~ mastery, technique and attention to detail regarding impact play (flogging, single-tail)

~s ense of belonging & connection to the greater leather/kink/BDSM community.

The investment I've made to trust Papa Tony's wisdom & training has paid off with huge dividends. 

Just ask my submissives!

With a deep bow, honor & gratitude.

Magnum

How to Post Event Publicity

 This is for those folks who desire to widely publicize their events to the men in the FMSD social network:

First, a few tips:

- Try to give us at LEAST a couple of weeks' warning before your event, so that folks can plan to attend.  The idea is to build mind-share for your event, versus the rest of the events in our ever-more-crowded calendar. We are a VERY successful group, so there are a lot of events vying for our attention.

- Always try to supply an image to go with your text, to catch people's eye.  If you're not an artist, search for related text on Google, and then click on "Images" at the top of the page. You'll be astonished at the great stuff you'll find, that can be a fun addition.  It may take some time and digging, but it has never failed me yet.

- Be sure to include the "WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHO and HOW MUCH" information. That's the factual stuff.  However, the men of FMSD are looking most-closely for the "WHY". The more that they know about the passion that you feel for the event, the more likely that they will show up. Don't see us as merely consumers to be "talked at". We are your brothers, so tell us why you want this event to succeed.  We really do care, and want to be supportive...

---

EVENT-POSTING INSTRUCTIONS

Go to our Facebook page:

     https://www.facebook.com/groups/FetishMenSanDiego

You should see this at the top part of our page (look for “Write something…"):

If you DON'T see it, you have not yet become a member of our page. 

Ask to be added, and when that's done, continue along...

Put your text there, and then click on “Add Photo” to add an image (if you have one).

If you have a web-link, paste it at the end of your text, and Facebook will automatically make it clickable.

If you need to change what you’ve done later on, click on the faint, gray downward-pointing “V” at the upper right of the posting, and choose “Edit Post":

If you follow these steps, then your event will be ready to be scooped up, and added to the newsletter and blog.  It will reach a LOT of kinky males in the prime demographic!