Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
Somebody recently asked:
What do I do, if somebody skips a date without any communication, or shows up stoned or drunk, or wants more chances after a disastrous date?
I'm going to share some uncomfortable truths:
- There are a lot of bottoms in the world.
- There are fewer Tops.
- There are much fewer kinky/Leather/fetish Tops.
- There are MUCH fewer experienced, wise and respected kinky/Leather/fetish Tops.
We are just about as rare as Snow Leopards.
So, let's say that somebody has proved to be unable to provide the same 100% experience that I'm planning on delivering (and no, that does NOT include inexperience as a criteria - I LOVES me some eager newbies). They don't get another chance to ride the Tony Train. Period.
If a man isn't already well-socialized, and a Boy Scout in nature (Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly and so forth… I'm not so fixated on "Clean"), then I do NOT have the time to arm-wrestle him into making adult decisions that he should have started making when he left childhood.
I posted the audio from one of my talks here, on the subject of establishing Trust with a Capital "T"
Trust isn't just something that the poor, dominated submissive has to receive from the Sadistic Top. THE TOP NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO TRUST, TOO. If we are ever going to reach new heights together, we have to be on the same wavelength, and constantly adjust our trajectories together through real, ongoing, high-bandwidth communication. If I don't start with 100% shared respect and trust, then I'd rather go jerk off, and then read a book.
My time is too valuable to waste, teaching adult males why living in integrity is the best way. I've spent my life honing my craft, regaining pieces of myself that I lost along the way, and earning every bit of my personal growth. I don't have to settle for flakes, druggies, etc. Neither do you.
Yeah, I'm downright arrogant about it, and here is why:
There are 80,000 worthier, higher-quality bottoms in line behind him, eager to step up.
Just because somebody feels NEEDY, doesn't obligate us to be FEEDY.