By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
1. Kink always involves butt sex or oral sex.
Someone is more likely to ask how long and hard your cane is... NOT your cock!
Kink can be very psychologically satisfying because the sensations can be as intense as it is enjoyable. Depending how you play it’s one of the safest ways to chase your pleasure!
2. You can’t engage in kink without ever being the recipient of pain.
I’ve had more submissives ask “Can I serve you without getting hurt?” than ask any other question. Sure, so long as I don’t get anything sensitive on you caught in a zipper! Bondage, blindfolds, chastity, edging, foot play, and watersports are painless and fun examples.
3. You must do what a dominant tells you.
No power exchange can occur if a submissive does not give up power to his dominant. A dominant can only inspire a submissive to submit to them… Anything else would be non-consensual, and as a result, probably illegal.
4. Dominance and submission is pre-defined by being a top or bottom.
And I suppose versatile guys are just confused? There are bossy bottoms and servile tops that get plenty of play. Your personality and your ability to sell that personality tell everyone who you are in the world of kinksters.
5. Kink needs to be complicated.
It’s easy to find pictures of kinksters decked out in complicated gear. But for most people a simple set up is all it takes to have a good time. The sad part is that some convoluted fantasy is often the easier sell.
6. Being submissive means you can’t be assertive.
A submissive has to be strong enough to tell a dominant “no” and mean it during playtime. Good dominants will respect you being clear with them about what they can do with you.
7. Kink is about the action not discussion.
A dominant has to know you have a sense of what you can do so they do not harm you while you’re trying to sound more experienced than you are. Telling a dominant you have “no limits” makes you seem reckless not fun.
8. BDSM is never lighthearted.
I’ve had a great deal of fun tying up and tickling submissives into surrender. Mom was horrified when she saw the fate of my Elmo. Kinksters love what we do and are passionate and creative about how we do it.
9. All dominants and submissives want to be treated the same.
Not every submissive wants to be degraded or even submit outside the bedroom. Kink doesn’t make figuring out how to split your dinner checks any easier. But that’s a good thing as it means there’s someone out there into kink and on your wavelength.
10. Kinksters have something wrong in their heads.
Kink is not necessarily a manifestation of trauma and kinksters are fully aware of the separation between fantasy and reality.
11. You have to live the lifestyle to be a kinkster.
One of the first pieces of advices to “spice up the bedroom” is a spanking. The improbability of Cosmo advice being useful aside, tons of people out there dabble in kink without it ever becoming a serious lifestyle.
12. You’re either dominant or you’re submissive.
The only part of the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” that’s accurate is the title. There are all kinds of gradients in between dominant and submissive. There are even people called “switches” who switch between dominance and submission based on the person they meet.
13. BDSM happens on the fly.
BDSM requires as much planning as joining the mile high club. Dominants that choose to live the BDSM lifestyle devote a lot of learning through study to how to play with submissives without hurting them.
14. BDSM is more dangerous than other forms of sex.
Not when done properly. In the 1980s when the AIDS epidemic was going on and no one knew what it was or what was happening men started doing BDSM in larger numbers in hopes of being intimate and alive. BDSM is a very safe way to play as many kinks limit physical contact and there are very few fluids exchanged.
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