Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Audio from Men's Discussions

I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.

Being an Effective Top

Intro To Master Class

Being an Effective Top: Why is it a Good Idea?

Being an Effective Top, Part One

What is the Ideal Top?

Being an Effective Top, Part Two

Being an Effective Top, Part Three

Top Talk

Bottom Talk


Giving Permission as a Guiding Philosophy

The New Leaders

Constituency vs. Bossiness vs. Title Vests vs. Leadership

How To Build Real Community in the Internet Age

Jack McGeorge's 2003 Leadership Lecture

Welcoming New Men into the Community

Men in Crowds: Cooperation vs. Competition

Training a Submissive

Establishing Trust with a Capital T

Safe, Sane and NON-Consensual

Finding the Buttons

The Training Process


How Do We Meet in the Internet Age?

Relationships, Polyamory and Jealousy


Single Men

Turn Ons/Turn Offs

Leathermen's History

Stories From The Old Days

Miscellaneous Topics

Intentional Sexuality

Male Grief and Our Fathers

Body Electric

The New Generation (TNG)

Size Matters

Folsom Street Fair Tips

Role Play

Coming Out

Left Of The Slash

Internet Dangers

Review of the Butchmanns Experience in Arizona

Fisting for Tops

Penis: Friend Or Foe?

Fetlife Tutorial For Gay Men

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Master Class, Spring 2017: Audio and Video

Note from Papa Tony:  I am currently teaching a crew of Doms/Tops/Masters/Sirs.

I am covering topics such as technique, philosophy, ethics and interpersonal connections. In the midst of hands-on demos, I am sharing a lot of success techniques, coping mechanisms, and fun stories to illustrate my points.

The newest additions will be at the TOP of the page.

Expect repetition… It's never, ever intentional.  
However, I am an older man with terrible memory.

I will keep adding to this page as time goes by, so keep it bookmarked, and check in regularly!

I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.

Video: "Bullshit Bondage" - A Ninety-Second Introduction to Rope Bondage

Here is the link for buying your own sling and rim chair.

Personality: In order to be true to yourself, you have to know who you are… 
Strengths and weaknesses. Take the test here (it usually lasts about ten minutes), and then Google the results.  For reference, here is my own personality type.

Video: Styles of Throwing Floggers and Whips

Audio: Relationships Between Gay Kinky Men

Video: Toy Bag Tour.
There is also a separate, different, AUDIO-only version, that you might find interesting.

Audio: Introduction & Overview
Explaining Tribal History, my own history and
motivations for teaching. Endorphins, and flog swarms.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Birthright, and Ethics

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.

I recently celebrated my 40th anniversary of being actively connected to the gay men's kink/leather & fetish community. When I started out, I was blessed with around 40 or so older kinky men who were my "Loving Uncles". Sure, we started out with sex (it's a GREAT way to "shake hands and say howdy!"), but the relationships continued onward, and became deeper. They saw potential in me, and took me under their wings.

I was in heaven, after a childhood lacking in positive male role-models. I was surrounded with love and respect, and I had SO many questions, about:

- Sex (“How could I have done that better?”),
- Relationships (“Why doesn’t that guy want a second date?”),
- Kink (“Why does my wrist always hurt after flogging somebody?”) and
- Interpersonal dynamics… All the stuff that older males knew, but I didn’t.

I will live to the rest of my days in utter gratitude to those men - Even the relationships that didn’t work out (usually due to their heavy use of drugs in the 1970’s) were of inestimable value, and became springboards for growth. I am a far better and happier man as a direct result of my upbringing by those wonderful men.

Then, they all died of AIDS. The ones who knew the most, and had the most to contribute, were hit the hardest, and right away. They were not replaced. Of my entire, extended Leather Family from the 1970’s, I am the only survivor. The other day, I mentioned to my husband of almost 27 years that in the entire time that I have known him, I have only run across 2 other surviving men of my larger social circle from the old days.

I mention this because of what has come down to the current days, and what has happened to the cycle of mentoring between the generations.


If I had my fondest wish, every kinky gay male on earth would start out with a MINIMUM of thirty or forty Loving Uncles. They would support, teach and guide him into becoming the sort of good man who will eventually stand shoulder to shoulder with them, so that the next new, shy and uncertain man can stand on THEIR shoulders.

Since my younger days, two new generations of men have arrived, with almost nobody there to thank them for showing up, or to help them with their kindly and pleasurable education. There are exceptions, and these older males are living virtuous lives of mentoring new kinksters. They are also as rare as Snow Leopards.

The vast majority of surviving, older gay-male kinksters who share my experience have dropped away. They gave all during the bad days, and are now unavailable to the larger community. Their lives have closed down to outsiders.

So, when I show up in gear at just about any gay-male event, and if I am kind and accessible, I am MOBBED by men who want to know more. If I demo in a bar, half of the men there want to try it out for the first time. The hunger for kind, accessible and approving Tribal Elders is not fulfilled, and I grieve.


I teach Master Classes in San Diego every Tuesday night. The first hour is about “Hard Skills” - hands-on practice of kinky technique. The second hour is spent talking about “Soft Skills”, such as:

- Ethics,
- Morality,
- Flexibility,
- Creativity,
- Social Graces
- True and deep intimacy,
- Establishing trust and commonality,
- Breaking out of the box of other peoples’ expectations, and
- Living your life authentically.

I use “parables” to illustrate my points, meaning stories with a moral core, and that make the point much better when it’s the climax of a hot and sexy story that makes the men laugh. Sometimes I get embarrassed that I am an old man who talks too much, and that I wander too erratically in my thoughts, but my protégés assure me that they love to hear whatever I can share.

When a man reaches out to me about mentoring, and we mesh well, I tell him that there will be a cost for my help:

Whatever he learns, he is required to pass it along when the time comes. It may take decades to heal the wound in our Tribe’s heart, and to re-ignite the cycle of mentoring, but we have to start somewhere.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Review: Portable St. Andrew's Cross

I attended a few street fairs in San Francisco and Los Angeles, before I finally realized what was right in front of me.  There is a wonderful design for a metal, tubular and portable Saint Andrew's Cross that is rock-solid, but collapses into a smaller collection of parts:

To give an idea of the size, I'm six foot five.
There is a chain that tightly connects the three legs, 
but I hadn't installed it before photographing.

This is what it looks like, set up in a bar, 
decorated with 600 lights, powered by three "D"-cell batteries.
It takes two slaves to set it up. 
I don't have the patience to get the lights untangled. 

These parts can all fit into a large-sized, hard-shell golf-club travel case with wheels.  I bought mine off of Craigslist for forty bucks, instead of full price elsewhere.

I can't install a permanent dungeon into my home, no matter how much I would like to.  However, modern designs for spanking benches, fuck benches, rim-chairs, portable slings and the like allow me to store these items away in a closet or the garage while not in use. It's nice to finally add a truly portable St. Andrew's Cross to the collection!

This is the center core piece that everything else attaches to. The entire assemblage is quite light in weight (compared to the extra-tall sling frame in my collection), though reassuringly stable and strong. Putting it together requires no tools.  It's elegantly engineered.

The back side.  Again, there is a nice chain that connects the three legs at the bottom, but is not shown here.

Pleasantly in use: The slave is 6'1", to give an idea of its use during the cross's break-in ceremony! The slave is a real thrasher, and there was never a moment of instability. I could never say that about the huge, heavy wooden Saint Andrew's Cross in my shed, which never gets used because it is worryingly unstable.

This young man is 5'9", and I think that he will need longer ankle-restraint chains than a taller man.

He disagrees!  He was determined to make it work.

Turns out, he was right!


Send an email to macdaddydesigns @gmail.com and order from Brian.  He sells the crosses for $299, plus $50 for shipping & handling, in whatever color you want.  I chose gunmetal gray.

The four-foot-by-one-foot-square box was awkward for one person to carry when it arrived, but very easy for two.

It didn't come with assembly instructions, but the only part that we got wrong at first, was the chain that attaches at the BOTTOM of the legs.  The parts just slide together in an obvious way, otherwise

I am very pleased, and can't wait to take it to play-parties in town, and other public events.

UPDATE:  The biggest "problem with this cross is that all of my kinky friends want to borrow it for play-parties, Pride festival leather tents, and the like.  Other folks tend to use it more than I do!  :->

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

New Flogging Videos and Pictures Posted

I was invited to do a flogging performance at the Faultline Bar in Los Angeles on January 23, 2016.  I asked a buddy to video-capture some of the goings-on. The occasion was the monthly fund-raiser for the Tom of Finland Foundation, hosted by, among others, Marc Randell Bellenger.

Photos with text saying "TOM's Garage!" are by Motorboot Photography:

My handsome play-partner is the well-known performer Christian Mitchell.  

He is a pleasure to play with, and brilliantly creative!  I was ably assisted by my good friend Sir Gerald.  We were the tallest men in the bar, towering over poor, helpless Christian!

Marc, our host for the event.

Plain, Simple Flogging

I tend to use my very favorite flogger for ninety percent of my flogging needs.  It's the Mister Thuddy from FlogMeBaby.com, and it's currently selling for 45 bucks.  I have owned dozens.  Why so many?  Because I teach Tops.  I will loan a flogger to a new Dom, and teach them to use it, and then I watch to see what happens.

If they go forth and start thrilling the public with their practiced skills, I will create an impromptu ceremony, praising them publicly, and presenting them with the flogger.  As a Tribal Elder, I see it as a crucial part of supporting a healthy Tribe. Generations of happy bottoms will thank me, long after I'm dead!

Here's my video of the Mr. Thuddy, in use at this event.

If I had to give away all but one toy, this is the one that I would keep.  

If you are looking for something shorter (for smaller Doms), I strongly recommend the Napoleon.

Florentine Flogging

I always like to include some Florentine flogging (using two at once). It's a real crowd-pleaser.
Here is the video that shows them flying around, during this event.


I just HAD to include some spanking, too - With a pretty ass like that, can you blame me?

Dragon's Tongues

  Here is a clearer view.  They are in between a flogger and a single-tail whip in intensity.
I also (briefly) used a single-tail whip, but it was hell to aim properly in that dark bar.  
So, we gave up fast, for safety's sake..

Flame Whip

Fiber-optic, digital "Flame Whip" (that's just my nickname - they are actually called "Space Whips"). I only used one, because the other one is in repair - the digital circuit-board malfunctioned, and it is being replaced for free.

Here is the video, showing it in use.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Great Price For A Pair Of Floggers!

Item #PL-01A - The Red Menace II.

I asked Steve about the Red Menace items that are on sale until the end of 2015, and he says that, compared to the standard “Mister Thuddy” flogger that I’m always raving about, "It's probably about the same length, but a bit lighter. They are around 10-12 ounces each, total weight. The tails are suede.”

This means that they would be a very good choice to buy, two at one time, for the purpose of Florentine Flogging. Until December 31, they cost THIRTY BUCKS FOR TWO OF THEM!


 I bought a pair, they arrived today, and I could not be more pleased. Perfect weight, size and balance for Florentine flogging. I plan to use them a LOT. I have seen floggers of equivalent quality and features for as much as $180 (EACH!) elsewhere.

Here is the page for learning Florentine flogging (if you don't live in San Diego, in which case you WANT to take Travis' class!)

Friday, December 25, 2015

Coming Out, Forty Years Ago Today

I was walking with my niece, and she asked me how I came out to my family.  I suddenly realized that the story that I was about to tell her, happened exactly forty years ago, on Christmas day, 1975:

This photo was taken a month or so before the fateful day.
I lived in a matriarchy, with no support from my older brothers, or my father.
Yes, Navy boys could have facial hair back then.

After twelve years of Catholic school, I was done with going along with everybody's expectation of what a good Catholic boy meant.  I had spent all of high school with a girlfriend, and yes, we had had sex, but I had to fantasize about my male friends in order to go through with it.

I had been in the Navy for a year and a half or so, by this time.  I had been the youngest male in my generation, and my mom had been trying her hardest to make me a "Momma's boy".  I was tired of it, and I needed to cut the apron strings.  I achieved that goal.

I showed up on the back of my boyfriend's motorcycle, with both of us in full leather.  We walked in, and I handed my mom her present, saying "Merry Christmas, Mom - This is my boyfriend Mark, and he will be sleeping with me tonight"  After a few minutes of stony, shocked silence, my mom blew up, disowned me, and ejected us from the house.

Try to understand - I had no better ideas on how to come out.  My role-models as a gay man were Charles Nelson Reilly, Paul Lynde and Liberace.  In other words, freaks, pansies and objects of ridicule, as far as society was concerned.  Elton John would take another year to come out, after I did. I was the VERY FIRST openly gay person in my entire family's genetic history.  This was unknown territory.

Also, I was an angry punk in those days - I had attempted suicide twice (the world doesn't allow for gay Catholic boys), and I had recently nearly died from a drug overdose.  It shocked me into finally seeing a (luckily, gay) Navy psychiatrist, and he helped me to quit fighting my nature. I spent the last 2-1/2 years of my enlistment being VERY OPENLY GAY. Back before Reagan came in, bringing the Moral Majority with him, we were the new Civil Rights movement, and nobody dared to hassle me.

I quit having anything to do with anyone in my family, and I spent a few years diving deep into the gay culture of the 1970's.  I pigged-out, and did my best to give up on ever seeing my family again.  However, right around the time that so many of my beloved friends, lovers and mentors died, my sisters sought me out.  They made it clear that they loved me, and wanted me in their lives.

My family was deeply dysfunctional, and I never had any relationship with my much-older brothers that was losable in the first place.  Same with my father.  I never regained any kind of friendly relationship with my mom, who died fourteen years later, STILL opening every conversation with "You DO know that you're going to hell, right?"

From the perspective of four decades further along, I can tell you that it turned out a lot better than I ever expected, back then. I get together with my sisters twice every year, and we celebrate family with our loved ones around us.  Somehow, I became the family patriarch... the most-loved uncle, and the grandpa-substitute for the youngsters whose own grandpas don't care for them.

I've had two sisters and a niece come out in the last few decades, and I like to think that my own path made it easier for them.  I have no regrets.  If I had to do it all over again, I would.  The experience helped me to become the man that I am.