Saturday, September 16, 2017

Pictures and Video from the Ritual Fire Event

On Sunday, September 10, 2017, Club X and FetishMenSanDiego got together for a relaxed, sociable evening on the beach at Fiesta Island.

The occasion was meant to prepare many folks for the Ritual Steel event, one month later.  It was very dark out, so the flames and the lights were very vivid, with a powerful and tribal drumming backbeat. Everyone was encouraged to socialize with somebody that they did not know before, so the night passed far too quickly.

By the end, folks were declaring that we need to repeat this event, again and again!

From Doriam:

We want to thank everyone who attended Ritual Fire this past weekend; your energies were a wonderful contribution to the feeling and fun of the evening. With the feedback we've received so far, we are looking forward to hosting more Tribal events so that we may share space, stories, and grow together.

The pre-event publicity for this event follows:

This weekend is our next BIG EVENT: Ritual Fire; A Tribal Bonfire Experience! You are invited to attend our Cross-Over Event with Club X this Sunday, September 10th from 6:30 to 9:30pm at Fiesta Island.

Ritual Fire is designed to be a unifier for our communities, in preparation for Ritual Steel. Ritual Fire is about transformation and growth, and draws inspiration from the life cycle of the Phoenix, a fire bird of Greek mythology - When tragedy draws near, the Phoenix ignites into a magnificent flame, and reemerges from its ashes, reborn.

We encourage you to look within yourselves to that which hinders your growth. By indulging in the majesty of the flames, and the energy shared beteeen our Brothers and Sisters, it is our hope that your troubles will burn to ash and, like the Phoenix, you will rise again with renewed vitality and a breath of new life.

If you've never been to Fiesta Island, it is located off of Highway 5. Keep an eye on our Like Page for an exact location on the day of the event. Volunteers are needed to reserve portions of the venue throughout the day.

II. Guidelines & Expectation

The evening will be filled with Tribal Energy from beginning to end. Members of the Fetish Men San Diego leadership team, as well as representatives from Club X, have volunteered themselves to lead blessings, performances, and interactions designed to make the event memorable and ever-lasting for each of our Brothers and Sisters.

We recommend arriving between 6:30 and 7:00pm, as Sunset is scheduled to happen shortly after 7'o'clock. As the Sun begins to set, we will have one of Fetish Men's Elders, Papa Tony, lead us through the Opening Ceremony and Blessing for the evening to get everyone in the right frame of mind for the evening.

After this, we will have several members of our community contributing to the Tribal Energy with performances to light up the night.

Attendees will be encouraged to observe these performances, and engage in Fire Photography if they so choose!

Toward the end of the evening, we will re-congregate near the main fire. Our Leaders will welcome any of our willing Brothers and Sisters to identify their weights, and to leave the ashes of those weights behind.

Flame Poi:

Here is a small portion of Kyle's excellent Flame Poi performance…

More Delightful Images...

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Review: PTSM Singletail Whip, with Instructional Video

UPDATE: I am told that the PTSM whip should be available, 
starting in early October 2017.

This is going to sound like an advertisement.  It is not.  I make ZERO money, kickbacks, spiffs, discounts or any other reimbursement from the community work that I do. 

I am reviewing the "PTSM" whip.  "PTSM" = "Papa Tony Signature Model".  I am Papa Tony.  This is a page of articles that I have posted online. I spend around twenty hours a week, mentoring Tops.  This article, and the energy that I spent bringing the PTSM into the world, is just a small part of that work. I get my payoff from reading the fan-mail that I get, on an ongoing basis.

The PTSM whip was expressly designed by me, in every detail.

I did this, because I want every sadistic Dom, Top, Sir or Madam to have a superb, high-quality whip without having to choose between FOOD for a month, or a lifetime-quality whip, which usually costs twice, to four times as much. The Recession never went away, for folks who work for a living.

I work closely with Steve Molla, who runs I help him to design optimal, high-quality toys that cost a TINY fraction of what is found elsewhere. I strongly endorse the Tommy Tomcat and the Mister Thuddy, both of which I helped to design.
The current project is something called the "Papa Tony Signature Model" singletail whip.  It is utter perfection for playing indoors. I specified every detail, and they have absolutely nailed it. I've been playing with the prototype, and it is as fine as any whip that I've ever seen or used.

What makes it so nice?

- Lead shot in the bag in the handle. Perfect for balance, without adding thickness.
- Three-foot length (not counting the cracker).  Doesn’t hit the wall and ceiling when you are using it on a human being indoors.
- Perfect feel, heft and flexibility.  This encourages perfect aim.
- Easily-replaced crackers (I prefer Kevlar crackers, myself).

What are the drawbacks?

Just one:

- It's not as PRETTY as a super-expensive, custom-made whip.  It's also probably one-quarter of the COST, so there is that.

You can buy fancier whips, but not even slightly better for the job at hand:

My preferred pattern, after vertically singletailing a bottom.

I have owned many, MANY whips, and other toys.  Why so many?  I like to bestow them upon rising stars in the community, who have proven their worth, over and over:

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Review of the FMSD Male-Only Play Party

From Papa Tony:

On September 2, 2017, there was a Men's Play Party at a very large, well-equipped play space.

I cannot praise it enough. I have attended hundreds of such parties over the last four decades.  Here is what I loved about this one:


This event was TIGHT.  Perfectly planned, laid-out, staffed and no dead spots anywhere.  It was a cornucopia of pleasure, by design, and by intention. Doriam and his team really got every detail right.  This is true leadership, and I am quite eager to attend every one of the upcoming events that the team has assembled for our pleasure.


Just like all well-run play spaces, volunteers were there to:

•"Set the Table" by moving heavy equipment around, to make the space as optimal as possible.
• Welcome everyone personally,
• Monitor the cleanliness of the space,
• Check to make sure that everyone felt safe,
• Keep the snacks and non-alcoholic beverages ready, and
• Clean up and move everything back the way that it was.

Remember, these were unpaid volunteers, who were there to make SURE that men could have the best possible time, and we did. They could have been anywhere else, but they wanted to be in service to a beautiful dream.

The volunteers worked as though their lives depended upon it.  You couldn't turn around without seeing an eager-to-serve man from the organizational team, poised to lend a hand if needed.  If sheer good intentions were a power-source, they could have easily levitated the really big building where we played.

The Play Space

There were ample play-spaces, play-settings, toys, and opportunities to socialize quietly, away from  the crowd. I can't think of a single thing to make it better.  It even had air-conditioning, to fend off the horrid humid heat outside.  The last time we had ANYTHING of this quality in San Diego, it was in the early 1990's, when "Submission Valley" was still in operation.

The Crowd

Right around forty playful men stayed for the evening. This event was a perfect opportunity for seasoned players and eager newbies to mix and bond with each other.  This, more than anything else, reminded me of the good old days, when the generations would mix, for the benefit of all.  The best way to learn kinky play, is to directly observe someone who is darned good at it, in real time.

As always with FetishMenSanDiego events, it was quite Top-heavy.  Plenty of Doms, Sirs and Masters to go around.  Our newest Certified Dom was presented to the crowd at the event kick-off, and he played with (I'm guessing) fourteen men before he staggered home.  It is a good thing that he is so young and studly, because this old man would probably have had a stroke, trying to keep up!

The Play

Arriving men needed some social time to establish trust and commonality, just like at every play-party, ever.  A few tours and lessons occurred to break the ice, and then men got down to business.  The many, many play-areas were continually busy until closing time.  Sounds, sights and experiences were vivid (and safe).  Shy newbies who were bold enough to ask, finally encountered their fantasies in real life, and went home happy.

 I played for hours, and I have been in perfect Top Space ever since.  I am glowing with pleasure.


I CANNOT stress the point more:  San Diego's leathermen have needed something this superb for a long, long time.  The next time that one of the team's events come up, SHOW up, and I will gladly join you.  If you want a taste of the Good Old Days with a big splash of the most modern fun, that time has arrived, and in a big way.

I am SO satisfied!

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Audio from Men's Discussions

I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.

Being an Effective Top

Intro To Master Class

Being an Effective Top: Why is it a Good Idea?

Being an Effective Top, Part One

What is the Ideal Top?

Being an Effective Top, Part Two

Being an Effective Top, Part Three

Top Talk

Bottom Talk


Giving Permission as a Guiding Philosophy

The New Leaders

Constituency vs. Bossiness vs. Title Vests vs. Leadership

How To Build Real Community in the Internet Age

Jack McGeorge's 2003 Leadership Lecture

Welcoming New Men into the Community

Men in Crowds: Cooperation vs. Competition

Training a Submissive

Establishing Trust with a Capital T

Safe, Sane and NON-Consensual

Finding the Buttons

The Training Process


How Do We Meet in the Internet Age?

Relationships, Polyamory and Jealousy


Single Men

Turn Ons/Turn Offs

Leathermen's History

Stories From The Old Days

Miscellaneous Topics

Intentional Sexuality

Male Grief and Our Fathers

Body Electric

The New Generation (TNG)

Size Matters

Folsom Street Fair Tips

Role Play

Coming Out

Left Of The Slash

Internet Dangers

Review of the Butchmanns Experience in Arizona

Fisting for Tops

Penis: Friend Or Foe?

Fetlife Tutorial For Gay Men

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Master Class, Spring 2017: Audio and Video

Note from Papa Tony:  Periodically, I like to teach a crew of Doms/Tops/Masters/Sirs.

I cover topics such as technique, philosophy, ethics and interpersonal connections. In the midst of hands-on demos, I share a lot of success techniques, coping mechanisms, and fun stories to illustrate my points.

The newest additions will be at the TOP of the page.

Expect repetition… It's never, ever intentional.  
However, I am an older man with terrible memory.

There is much more that I still need to post, so check back again!

Public Scene: Barracks Bar in Palm Springs.  
I include it here to show my playing style.

Video: Short Singletail 101. Here is the link to the whip that I recommend. It is expected to be available in early October 2017.

I have been digging through old archives and found the following audio recordings of Men's Discussions that I moderated a few years ago at weekly gatherings for FetishMenSanDiego.  These were extremely popular worldwide when they were new, being downloaded, and listened to, on every major land-mass except Antarctica (those darned penguins!).

They're re-posted here, to help folks find something that may be of good use.  They are a treasure-trove of interpersonal wisdom and open, honest sharing by many men.

Video: "Bullshit Bondage" - A Ninety-Second Introduction to Rope Bondage

Here is the link for buying your own sling and rim chair.

Personality: In order to be true to yourself, you have to know who you are… 
Strengths and weaknesses. Take the test here (it usually lasts about ten minutes), and then Google the results.  For reference, here is my own personality type.

Video: Styles of Throwing Floggers and Whips

Audio: Relationships Between Gay Kinky Men

Video: Toy Bag Tour.
There is also a separate, different, AUDIO-only version, that you might find interesting.

Audio: Introduction & Overview
Explaining Tribal History, my own history and
motivations for teaching. Endorphins, and flog swarms.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Birthright, and Ethics

This article is part of my Mentoring for Tops/Sirs/Doms/Masters curriculum.

I recently celebrated my 40th anniversary of being actively connected to the gay men's kink/leather & fetish community. When I started out, I was blessed with around 40 or so older kinky men who were my "Loving Uncles". Sure, we started out with sex (it's a GREAT way to "shake hands and say howdy!"), but the relationships continued onward, and became deeper. They saw potential in me, and took me under their wings.

I was in heaven, after a childhood lacking in positive male role-models. I was surrounded with love and respect, and I had SO many questions, about:

- Sex (“How could I have done that better?”),
- Relationships (“Why doesn’t that guy want a second date?”),
- Kink (“Why does my wrist always hurt after flogging somebody?”) and
- Interpersonal dynamics… All the stuff that older males knew, but I didn’t.

I will live to the rest of my days in utter gratitude to those men - Even the relationships that didn’t work out (usually due to their heavy use of drugs in the 1970’s) were of inestimable value, and became springboards for growth. I am a far better and happier man as a direct result of my upbringing by those wonderful men.

Then, they all died of AIDS. The ones who knew the most, and had the most to contribute, were hit the hardest, and right away. They were not replaced. Of my entire, extended Leather Family from the 1970’s, I am the only survivor. The other day, I mentioned to my husband of almost 27 years that in the entire time that I have known him, I have only run across 2 other surviving men of my larger social circle from the old days.

I mention this because of what has come down to the current days, and what has happened to the cycle of mentoring between the generations.


If I had my fondest wish, every kinky gay male on earth would start out with a MINIMUM of thirty or forty Loving Uncles. They would support, teach and guide him into becoming the sort of good man who will eventually stand shoulder to shoulder with them, so that the next new, shy and uncertain man can stand on THEIR shoulders.

Since my younger days, two new generations of men have arrived, with almost nobody there to thank them for showing up, or to help them with their kindly and pleasurable education. There are exceptions, and these older males are living virtuous lives of mentoring new kinksters. They are also as rare as Snow Leopards.

The vast majority of surviving, older gay-male kinksters who share my experience have dropped away. They gave all during the bad days, and are now unavailable to the larger community. Their lives have closed down to outsiders.

So, when I show up in gear at just about any gay-male event, and if I am kind and accessible, I am MOBBED by men who want to know more. If I demo in a bar, half of the men there want to try it out for the first time. The hunger for kind, accessible and approving Tribal Elders is not fulfilled, and I grieve.


I teach Master Classes in San Diego every Tuesday night. The first hour is about “Hard Skills” - hands-on practice of kinky technique. The second hour is spent talking about “Soft Skills”, such as:

- Ethics,
- Morality,
- Flexibility,
- Creativity,
- Social Graces
- True and deep intimacy,
- Establishing trust and commonality,
- Breaking out of the box of other peoples’ expectations, and
- Living your life authentically.

I use “parables” to illustrate my points, meaning stories with a moral core, and that make the point much better when it’s the climax of a hot and sexy story that makes the men laugh. Sometimes I get embarrassed that I am an old man who talks too much, and that I wander too erratically in my thoughts, but my protégés assure me that they love to hear whatever I can share.

When a man reaches out to me about mentoring, and we mesh well, I tell him that there will be a cost for my help:

Whatever he learns, he is required to pass it along when the time comes. It may take decades to heal the wound in our Tribe’s heart, and to re-ignite the cycle of mentoring, but we have to start somewhere.