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queersubgeekery:
The thing about BDSM is D/s is that control is always equal in both parties.
How, you say? Let me explain.
Dominants:
Take care of the submissive’s needs as they need them, whether it be structure through daily routines or spankings.
Are seen as the “dominant” figure of the relationships. (Seen as in “is in the position knowledgeable by both parties.” This is how they view each other.)
Love and care for their submissive.
Think on the well being of their submissive first, and concern their own opinions second. If a dominant thinks of themselves as the most important person in the relationship, they are probably not an actual dominant. Just a controlling person.
Are not mind readers. They require communication to as much as any relationship would.
Take responsibilities for their own downfalls and make sure not to make mistakes that would harm their submissive in any way.
Know the difference between harm and hurt. While some submissives like to hurt, no one ever wants to be harmed on either side.
Submissives:
Make it a point to serve their dominants because that is what makes them happy.
Take care of their dominants just as much as the dominants take care of them. Powerplay does not equate to inequality in any aspects.
Need structure that the dominant is giving, and are responsible for making sure to communicate their needs to them in order for a relationship to work.
Work on their own personal struggles through their dominants. Sometimes after a long day, you just want to forget about how much work you have to do and focus on something else.
There are different types of BDSM and D/s lifestyles:
Bedroom BDSM and D/s, which is generally recreational and sex-based BDSM. I.e., If your girlfriend likes to call you “Master” in bed and enjoys a spanking as foreplay.
Lifestyle D/s, in which a dominant and a submissive are roles in a relationship. This includes aspects of powerplay that are continued outside of the bedroom and are maintained in real-life situations. I.e., A submissive has a spending limit when they go shopping. If they want to spend over the amount allotted, they have to have permission.
Then we have switches. They do their own thing, and that’s just fine.
Daddy/Mommy & little, where the dominant figure takes on a more paternal role, that doesn’t necessarily include incestuous or pedophallic desires, and the submissive takes on a childlike mindset.
I’m sure there are a few more to write, but they’re spread out and far in between, but the general idea is, there are a LOT of ways to play out what you like.
There are many different ways to play it out! Whether you like to roleplay, or you control orgasms, or if you spoil them with sweets and spank them when they’re bad, BDSM and D/s is just as healthy a relationship for some as a “vanilla relationship” is for some people. Everyone does something different!
The thing that most people don’t remember is that this is the Internet, and the online world is not full of good people like we’d like to think. There are bad people out there, abusers and rapists and they’re online with us, so it’s important for the community to learn the difference between what’s actual violence and what’s consensual between two people in a loving, caring relationship.
Because when it comes down to it, the rules of SSC is what braces every value of BDSM and D/s. Safe. Sane. Consensual.
If the relationship is not ALL of these things (not just two out of three) it is not BDSM or D/s. It is abuse.
And that’s what you all need to realize.
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