Ending a Dom/sub Relationship in a Healthy Way

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

By Master Bishop

While breakups are never easy, they can become more complicated in a BDSM relationship. Because the relationship is based on one person trying to please another, a breakup can seem as though the slave has not done his or her job. Though this might be a part of the reason, usually breakups come from two people growing apart. Whatever the reason, there are better ways to end a BDSM relationship so that the submissive comes out okay in the end. When the submissive is able to feel good about the end of the relationship, they will be able to move into a new submissive role with more knowledge about themselves and how they can be even better for a new dominant.

Set Aside a Time to Talk

One of the best things you can do when you’re trying to end a relationship with a submissive is to set aside a time to talk, one that is away from the dungeon or the playroom where you generally meet. This might be at the submissive’s home, a place where they can feel more comfortable and won’t have to drive anywhere after what can be such an emotionally draining discussion. Make sure each person will be able to stay for as long a conversation as you need to have, and that no one will feel rushed or hurried. The less stress in this discussion, the more you can create a positive result.

Be Clear about Your Motivations for the Breakup

When talking with your submissive about why you want to break up, you need to be clear about the reasons you have. This is not a time for sugarcoating the truth. At the same time, there are nicer ways of being honest with someone else. Try to focus on your motivations, without blaming the slave for the breakup.

Things You need to discuss:

* What’s not working for you in the relationship

* What you’ve done to try to resolve things. Always make sure the submissive was aware of the things you were trying to do to resolve these problems. You should have been discussing these issues with your submissive well in advance and not just blindsiding them with the breakup.

* How the breakup will positively impact the submissive. Sometimes a submissive is just better off serving a different Dom/me, the problem is they just don’t see it at that time.

* How you feel that the breakup will positively impact you. In many BDSM relationships, when you show the slave that you are going to be better off for not being with them, they will want you to make this decision. After all, they want to please you.

Offer Constructive Feedback

If the slave asks for feedback on how they could have done better, you will want to make sure they don’t connect this to the breakup. The main point of a breakup within a BDSM relationship is to show that you are breaking up because some of your needs aren’t being met, but since it’s your job as the dominant to make sure these needs are met, the blame (if there is any to give) is yours alone. You can offer some pieces of constructive feedback that the slave can take into a new relationship, but try to offer more praise than criticism so the slave sees that they have done the best they could.

Cut Off Contact Completely

While this might not seem very supportive, the BDSM relationship should be cut off completely once the breakup has been discussed. If the slave continues to think of you as their Master or Mistress, it can cause troubles for them in their new relationship and it can distract you in your new relationship as well. Stop the relationship entirely by cutting off contact for at least six months, to ensure a smooth transition from one type of relationship to another.

Your submissive can walk away from your breakup, feeling good about themselves and hopeful about their future. Breaking up may not be easy, but it can help everyone get what they want in their next relationship.