How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

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If you aren’t feeling fully satisfied in your relationship there’s a lot you can do to ensure that you’re getting what you want and need from your partner. This doesn’t include dropping hints and playing games, but taking a more open and honest approach. Here’s how to get what you really want from your relationship:

Ask straight up. Your partner is not a mind reader; so don’t expect them to just know what you want from them. If you want more affection or better communication, just tell them straight up without making them guess.

Give examples. Don’t just say that you want them to be more romantic, but give examples of what that means to you. They’ll have a better idea of what specifically you want and they’ll know right away what they need to do.

Demonstrate. If you want them to do something like communicate with you more throughout the day, then lead by example and do the same yourself.

Tell them how it makes you feel. If you tell them how it makes you feel to not be getting what you want, it will show them the reasons why they need to make the effort. They may not be talking about their feelings more or whatever it may be, because they don’t know how important it is. If they know that you feel sad or hurt, they’ll be more likely to make changes, because they don’t want you to feel that way.

Show gratitude. When they do start making changes and giving you what you’ve asked for, make sure to show your appreciation. Let them know that you appreciate that they are making an effort.
Give them something. Treat this like a trade. If they do something that you want, you should reciprocate by doing something that they want. If they start talking about their feelings more, you could show more affection, or do something that’s important to them.

Reinforce. Confirm that they are doing the right things by giving them positive reinforcement. Tell them how much it means to you that they are making an effort to make you happy. They won’t keep up any changes if you don’t show positive reinforcement that they’re getting it right.

Use an ultimatum as a last resort. Only if you are feeling really dissatisfied in your relationship and have tried communicating your needs in the ways listed above, should you use an ultimatum. Tell them that if they can’t or won’t give you what you need in the relationship then you’ll be forced to leave. This is a powerful move, and you have to be prepared to actually follow through with it if you want them to take you seriously, so make sure that you use it only as a last resort, not as a starting point.