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fortheloveofasub:
One of the most common questions I receive concerns how to locate suitable people with similar interests in D/s, BDSM and other adult lifestyles or kinks. Of necessity the kink communities and their participants tend to keep a low profile and not advertise openly due to public misunderstanding, distrust and disapproval. But they are out there and are far more numerous and active than you might imagine. I can almost guarantee there is some group of similarly minded people within an hour or so of your location, perhaps right in your back yard.
Meeting people face-to-face is by far the best means of learning about “the scene" (whatever scene you are into), educating yourself about the social norms expected by the community you are interested in, and actually meeting like-minded people in a safe and non-threatening environment. A discouraging number of people tend to rely solely on online interaction such as Recon for gay leathermen, FetLife, Tumblr, BDSMLR and others for their education and approach to others, with all the pitfalls associated with meeting people online.
Note for gay men: The following resources are good to visit so that you can ask what events and local groups are specifically for local gay men to meet.
Anyone truly interested in learning more about D/s, BDSM, or any of a host of other lifestyles and kinks would do well to attend meetings of local or regional adult social groups to enter a whole new world and meet people who are experienced and open to sharing what they know.
One of the most common approaches to outreach used by adult and kink related social groups is the Munch. While the origin of the term “Munch" has been lost to history it is believed that is was a conglomeration of Monthly Lunch. And for many adult social groups that is exactly what it is. A munch is often a monthly (or more frequent) gathering of like-minded kinksters at a restaurant or other venue where everyone shows up in street clothes, sits down and shares a meal and good conversation.
One of the most common approaches to outreach used by adult and kink related social groups is the Munch. While the origin of the term “Munch" has been lost to history it is believed that is was a conglomeration of Monthly Lunch. And for many adult social groups that is exactly what it is. A munch is often a monthly (or more frequent) gathering of like-minded kinksters at a restaurant or other venue where everyone shows up in street clothes, sits down and shares a meal and good conversation.
It's an opportunity to meet people, share information, learn about local events, and generally begin to ingratiate yourself into a community that you would otherwise have no access to or awareness of. Munches, when well done, are not creepy uncomfortable events but rather open and welcoming fraternal gatherings.
Munches are helpful not only for their networking and education potential but they also give you an opportunity to see how that prospective Dom or sub you might have your eye on actually interacts with other people. It gives some insight into the person; how they interact in a group, how they treat peers, how they treat the wait staff, etc. It is an opportunity to scope out people in a more real world environment than a club, play party, or other more contrived atmosphere.
The personality of any social group is often a reflection of its leadership and/or members. Remember that if you are not excited about the tone or tenor of a particular group when you attend a munch or other social gathering there are plenty of other groups out there to explore. Also, be aware that as with any social group, the dynamics can change over time as the players and members do.
Lastly, don’t show up at a much and be that “creepy guy/gal.“ Munches are social gatherings for fraternal interaction and not a place for pickup lines, gawking, or bizarre questions about what someone might be into. Experienced scene participants can detect the difference between a genuinely interested newcomer and a gawking pervert or wannabe/pretendtobe Dom or sub in a heartbeat.
Munches are helpful not only for their networking and education potential but they also give you an opportunity to see how that prospective Dom or sub you might have your eye on actually interacts with other people. It gives some insight into the person; how they interact in a group, how they treat peers, how they treat the wait staff, etc. It is an opportunity to scope out people in a more real world environment than a club, play party, or other more contrived atmosphere.
The personality of any social group is often a reflection of its leadership and/or members. Remember that if you are not excited about the tone or tenor of a particular group when you attend a munch or other social gathering there are plenty of other groups out there to explore. Also, be aware that as with any social group, the dynamics can change over time as the players and members do.
Lastly, don’t show up at a much and be that “creepy guy/gal.“ Munches are social gatherings for fraternal interaction and not a place for pickup lines, gawking, or bizarre questions about what someone might be into. Experienced scene participants can detect the difference between a genuinely interested newcomer and a gawking pervert or wannabe/pretendtobe Dom or sub in a heartbeat.
Do not pretend to be something you are not. You will surely make a fool of yourself and ostracize yourself from future contact with the community. Trust me, the word gets around. Just show up, smile, hold out your hand, and be yourself. Be honest about your interests and experience level. These people are happy to help newcomers if they are approached with honesty and humility. Strutting in the room as God’s gift to submissives or prostrating yourself before the group as the ultimate slave will only turn everyone off. Just be you and show an interest and desire to learn.
So having said all that, I want to share a link to a resource for finding munches and other adult social groups and gathering that recently came to my attention. Findamunch.com is a listing of munches and adult social groups organized geographically by country and state/region. It is a very comprehensive list though it often links back to FetLife posts and sites so membership in FetLife is necessary to view much of the information concerning a particular group or event. The web site also has some valuable articles and information about adult social groups, their importance to healthy kink lifestyle communities, and how to fit in when you decide you want to give it a try.
So having said all that, I want to share a link to a resource for finding munches and other adult social groups and gathering that recently came to my attention. Findamunch.com is a listing of munches and adult social groups organized geographically by country and state/region. It is a very comprehensive list though it often links back to FetLife posts and sites so membership in FetLife is necessary to view much of the information concerning a particular group or event. The web site also has some valuable articles and information about adult social groups, their importance to healthy kink lifestyle communities, and how to fit in when you decide you want to give it a try.
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