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Master Chuck:
Exploring the power exchange world is (supposedly) easier for submissives because, according to some, they aren’t supposed to have a brain, needs, desires, limits or feelings; they are supposed to wait patiently until they are given an order, then carry it out brilliantly, as though they’ve been in training for decades. New dominants have the added burden of being expected to instinctively know to direct, orchestrate and star in the feature presentation - and do it in such a way as to make the submissive want to return for a repeat performance.
In the real world, reality often includes a gut, grey hair, an average or even small endowment and the ego of a mere mortal. It’s no wonder that when opportunities to dip a toe into the real waters of dominance-submission present themselves, insecurities rise to the surface, cold feet take over and those opportunities are missed.
I have a suggestion for those just starting to explore the World of BDSM:
- This ain’t porn, it’s real - so drop the script
- Less-Is-More
- It’s All About Building and Not Destroying
Imagine you are a Dom and sub, meeting for the first time and neither of you have much experience on which to draw. Rather than attempting to recreate a scenario associated with a porn picture, it might be far more comfortable if the Dom orders the sub to strip, kneel and hold a position with his hands clasped behind his neck.
The Dom, remaining fully clothed, can then slowly inspect his “property” - caressing muscles, squeezing nipples, cupping balls - while observing how his submissive responds to various stimuli. The Dom can question his sub, make lusty suggestions of “torments” he might inflict on his slave, in short, learn to read the body language of his sub.
Unless you know your sub fairly well, avoid the common put-downs. In my experience, realsubmissives don’t view themselves or their gift of submission as worthless. And real Doms don’t either. If that type of trash talk has a viable future in a relationship, there will be adequate opportunities for it down the road.
Allowing insecurity to take over is a near perfect way to ensure nothing happens beyond fantasy. Admitting one’s own lack of experience is the important first-step to turning a fantasy into a reality. And reality is a required component of all types of power exchange relationships.
Just a suggestion you may want to ponder.
dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts:
Even without having clicked on the link to discover the rest of the post I’m sitting here smiling at your words because yes!!
In an era where porn images flood our feeds it’s very tempting to compare ourselves and/or our dynamic to the images we see. The tempation to copy what we see can become so temping, overwhelming even, particularly to the people who are new to our world and even then none of us are infallible.
A routine I love and practice myself is have my boy kneeling in front of me, fully dressed, eyes either cast down or locked with mine depending my own mood and need.
I’ll have him breathe with me. Deep inhales followed by slow exhales as I touch his face and compliment him to begin with. As he breathes I’ll remind him of why he’s there - to please me, to serve me. I’ll ask him to confirm his safeword, or the traffic light system we have in place.
As he talks, as per my instructions of whatever goes through his mind or any other specific subject I’ll undress him, let my hands roam around his exposed skin.
By the time I help him up to take off his pants I’m left with a boy who’s already so eager, so wired, so needy it often takes my breath away.
Ignore all the images you see in porn, ladies and gents, because that sub that’s kneeling in front of you? That sub is yours. And that, that makes them so much more valuable than any image you could ever see on here.
Unless you know your sub fairly well, avoid the common put-downs. In my experience, realsubmissives don’t view themselves or their gift of submission as worthless. And real Doms don’t either. If that type of trash talk has a viable future in a relationship, there will be adequate opportunities for it down the road.
Allowing insecurity to take over is a near perfect way to ensure nothing happens beyond fantasy. Admitting one’s own lack of experience is the important first-step to turning a fantasy into a reality. And reality is a required component of all types of power exchange relationships.
Just a suggestion you may want to ponder.
dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts:
Even without having clicked on the link to discover the rest of the post I’m sitting here smiling at your words because yes!!
In an era where porn images flood our feeds it’s very tempting to compare ourselves and/or our dynamic to the images we see. The tempation to copy what we see can become so temping, overwhelming even, particularly to the people who are new to our world and even then none of us are infallible.
A routine I love and practice myself is have my boy kneeling in front of me, fully dressed, eyes either cast down or locked with mine depending my own mood and need.
I’ll have him breathe with me. Deep inhales followed by slow exhales as I touch his face and compliment him to begin with. As he breathes I’ll remind him of why he’s there - to please me, to serve me. I’ll ask him to confirm his safeword, or the traffic light system we have in place.
As he talks, as per my instructions of whatever goes through his mind or any other specific subject I’ll undress him, let my hands roam around his exposed skin.
By the time I help him up to take off his pants I’m left with a boy who’s already so eager, so wired, so needy it often takes my breath away.
Ignore all the images you see in porn, ladies and gents, because that sub that’s kneeling in front of you? That sub is yours. And that, that makes them so much more valuable than any image you could ever see on here.
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