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“What can I say? Fags are crazy sometimes…”
“Dumb fucking decision, but he’s an adult, he can choose for himself.”
“Yeah, he dropped four figures in one session. Whether he can afford it is his business, I’m not his accountant.”
“The tattoo looked sick. Not sure if he’s the fag for me though.”
“Fag gave me permission to publish all of those pics of him… along with his real name. Not my fault he’s an idiot.”
No.
Being a Dominant, Alpha, Daddy… the standard we are held to MUST go higher than what is legal. We must be Ethical. All of the quotes above, which are paraphrased from things I have seen actual “Alphas” say, are wrong. They are wrong for one simple reason; they assume that the potent impact of Dominance is something you can overlook when discussing the choices submissives make.Sub-space is a useful term here. I can get @puprowaninto a space (quite easily) where I can make him climax practically on command. I can get @darknakedsilent into a space where just a clicking of my fingers has him naked on the ground, presenting his mouth and arse while looking up at me in submissive bliss.
What’s more, a Dominant figure (if they’re naturally gifted) will put people into sub-space without even really trying. It’s a sort of natural quirk. I don’t necessarily try to seduce submissives (and even other Dominants), but innevitably they end up bending to my Will. We’re… insidious. Dominance is often characterized like a pair of shackles, a huge figure tackling you, tying you up, kidnapping you… the reality is far more terrifying, far more subtle, infinitely more wonderful.
This is POWER. And where there is power, there are those who misuse it. There are two tiers here. Those who fail to recognize, control or understand the sub-space they inflict, who allow a powerful sub-space to drive their fag into dangerous actions (getting deeply into debt, making dangerous sacrifices to their mental health, social/familial/work life). Then there are those who deliberately use their power, and powerfully submissive mindsets, to fulfill their ends and nothing else.
My message to Dominants: STOP your submissives sometimes. You’re responsible for them to some degree, and that degree depends on the exact interaction. Be clear about your limits and set some expectations. You will have friends, you will have savings, you will have a career.
My message to submissives: look carefully at Dominants. See how they behave when you suggest an unhealthy sacrifice (e.g. I can make one more tribute but it will mean not getting any presents for my sibling’s birthday). Don’t play games, don’t manipulate, be open… however, also be safe. Once you reach a certain point, they’ll have so much power over you that you won’t have the objectivity you have at the start, so use those early days wisely.
In conclusion, Dominant guys need to take the intoxicating effect they have on submissives more seriously. Submissives need to be aware of this effect and take steps to protect themselves. As one final note, I’m not saying that sacrificing things for an Alpha is wrong, I am saying that proportion and trust are a huge part of that dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with moving across the world to serve your Dominant (for example), however there is something wrong with a Dominant failing to regulate the desires and realism of their submissive.
bigbulltrainer:
Well said. Not just be it the Alpha/fag dynamic, Master/slave, a pup, a boy or a bull, be cognizant of the effects of head space.
If you are a dominant, it means recognizing how your influence over your sub and their desire to please you affects their behavior.
If you are a sub it can be a little easier said then done. But do look back in retrospect at what your Dom does and behaves. Doing it while in your submissive headspace can cloud your judgement.
Some Doms don't recognize what they are doing, and to them, particularly if there is someone submitting to them, I would suggest they learn not only the affects of sub space but also what it is they do that put their sub in it, to stop and reflect on your own behavior and self conduct.
There are some who are well aware of the affects they have on others and quite purposefully abuse it. Its subtle and is not always as obvious as the paraphrasing above. It can sound downright charming depending on how its used and it's this kind of manipulator to be the most aware of.
Long story short.:
Be you a dominant or submissive. Educate yourselves, communicate with one another, adapt from what you learn and grow as people, not just in the D/s dynamic. Your lives will only be enriched if you do.
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