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"I have to ask: where did you come up with such a straightforward and realistic view of BDSM?"
Master Chuck:
I get some really nice mail from people reading this blog and one of them recently asked the above question. I think those of us who have spent more years without an internet than we have with it, are probably more inclined to be realistic about concepts like BDSM. Prior to the Age of Instant Information, researching and exploring something as taboo as BDSM or power exchange relationships required meeting people, networking and sharing information. It required human interaction. Human interaction is real. The internet has removed the necessity of human interaction and replaced it with graphic images, perfect bodies, perfection. In other words, a fantasy land.
I’ve said before I’ve been fascinated with the power exchange dynamic all my life. Most young boys play games that involve rope and tying each other up. For a few of us, those games were more than games. They were our first glimpses into an erotic double entendre - a kid’s game on the surface but, at the same time, an intriguing encounter with power and control. If one followed his instinct, he likely kept his new fascination to himself.
Not being a particularly brave person, I made a lot of “safe” choices, rather than “satisfying” choices. Marriage, kids, job - all safe. My growing interests in BDSM and all the enticing possibilities of that arena were neatly suppressed - or that was my hope.
Some can hold it together a lifetime and, for others, the cracks appear and grow bigger. Either way, the need to explore those dark feelings and desires never go away and a divorce eventually opened the door to a very different life and the freedom to explore the reality of power exchange.
I moved cautiously but I met real people, made real friends, had real relationships that involved the power exchange dynamic. By meeting people, I discovered there really were couples where one was dominant and called the shots, while the other was submissive and did as he was told. To this day I remember how shocked I was the first time I witnessed an Alpha tell his partner to fetch the paddle and drop his pants - in front of guests, no less!
I’ve said before I’ve been fascinated with the power exchange dynamic all my life. Most young boys play games that involve rope and tying each other up. For a few of us, those games were more than games. They were our first glimpses into an erotic double entendre - a kid’s game on the surface but, at the same time, an intriguing encounter with power and control. If one followed his instinct, he likely kept his new fascination to himself.
Not being a particularly brave person, I made a lot of “safe” choices, rather than “satisfying” choices. Marriage, kids, job - all safe. My growing interests in BDSM and all the enticing possibilities of that arena were neatly suppressed - or that was my hope.
Some can hold it together a lifetime and, for others, the cracks appear and grow bigger. Either way, the need to explore those dark feelings and desires never go away and a divorce eventually opened the door to a very different life and the freedom to explore the reality of power exchange.
I moved cautiously but I met real people, made real friends, had real relationships that involved the power exchange dynamic. By meeting people, I discovered there really were couples where one was dominant and called the shots, while the other was submissive and did as he was told. To this day I remember how shocked I was the first time I witnessed an Alpha tell his partner to fetch the paddle and drop his pants - in front of guests, no less!
The sub did as he was told, accepted the swats and, with a very red face, pulled up his jeans. What I witnessed was not a game or scene but a part of the dynamic that made their relationship work for each of them. Over time I met many power exchange couples, some rigid Master/slave relationships and others more on the Domestic Discipline side.
Meeting people and making friends in the power exchange community eclipses what passes for “social networking” today. Becoming involved in organizations that foster safe, sane and consensual play played a huge role in exposing me to the people, activities and relationships that comprise the real Dominant-submissive community. And with that support mechanism behind me, I have had the opportunity to live and experience the realities of the real power exchange.
All that is still in place and available to anyone who wants it badly enough to step back from the fantasy world of the internet and step into the real world of power exchange. And lest anyone think that living in a large city is required to meet people and be involved, remember that people with a taste for power exchange live everywhere. It’s a matter of finding each other.
The internet is probably the greatest tool of our age but it has made power exchange relationships appear to be all fantasy, without limits and unattainable for anyone living in the real world with a job, family and friends. And that is why I post the commentaries that I do and make an effort to clearly separate what is fantasy and what is reality - sometimes feeling like the Lone Ranger but the positive feedback makes it all worth it.
Accept who you are and keep it real!
Meeting people and making friends in the power exchange community eclipses what passes for “social networking” today. Becoming involved in organizations that foster safe, sane and consensual play played a huge role in exposing me to the people, activities and relationships that comprise the real Dominant-submissive community. And with that support mechanism behind me, I have had the opportunity to live and experience the realities of the real power exchange.
All that is still in place and available to anyone who wants it badly enough to step back from the fantasy world of the internet and step into the real world of power exchange. And lest anyone think that living in a large city is required to meet people and be involved, remember that people with a taste for power exchange live everywhere. It’s a matter of finding each other.
The internet is probably the greatest tool of our age but it has made power exchange relationships appear to be all fantasy, without limits and unattainable for anyone living in the real world with a job, family and friends. And that is why I post the commentaries that I do and make an effort to clearly separate what is fantasy and what is reality - sometimes feeling like the Lone Ranger but the positive feedback makes it all worth it.
Accept who you are and keep it real!
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