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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
“Boy, no matter where i place my dick, I expect you to ask permission before sucking it or fucking it. Beg me.”- betabreeder. I find rules incredibly hot. Being able to mold someone else’s behavior as I see fit to my own benefit is a big turn on. Below I’ll explore how to construct useful rules and the mindset to have while thinking them through.
- Lots of rules: Rules should help you craft the right headspace for your submissive. If you want him to feel like he’s in a highly disciplined environment you can certainly do that by creating a lot of rules. That requires you to create a lot of rules and remember them to enforce them. It also doesn’t allow for a submissive to enter subspace and just exist as a submissive because he needs to remain cognizant of rules. I, instead, advocate the use of fewer rules that are far stricter. For example: “Slave, before you may have food or drink, or make use of the facilities, you must first offer them to use at my leisure.” or “You must only wear clothing in public I approve.”
- Rules should have a purpose: This one sounds straightforward but you’d be surprised how easily making a rule purely for your amusement can be. Sometimes dominants can make up rules that are contradictory for the purpose of having an excuse to punish submissives. Submissives are logical people like anyone else and will know when you’re making shit up just to punishment. In this circumstance, it could simply be more productive to set aside time for punishment instead of waiting for your submissive to stumble into your clever pit trap. A submissive might fall for that once or twice, but thereafter probably wouldn’t once he recognizes the pitfall.
This brings us to the other side of that very coin. That submissives and dominants can absolutely get off on experiencing an enjoyment of pain through the lens of punishment. A submissive may feel a rush in being punished because he behaved badly and his Sir is correcting his naughty behavior. A dominant may enjoy the cat and mouse nature of a mischievous submissive that misbehaves and is caught who he gets to punish as he sees fit. From this perspective a rule is enhancing the enjoyment of dominant and submissive, bringing an erotic thrill to protocol.
- Rules must consider the submissive: I touched on this in the article I did about punishments. @bredbeta is a very obedient boy. He HATES to think he has displeased me in some way. My disappointment is for him a VERY severe punishment. If I were to actually punish him on top of that… he would be CRUSHED. I have a very different punishment and behavior corrective protocol for him than I would have for a boy who enjoys punishment (as described above). I do this because I know my boy. I consider who he is, and how I know him before punishing him at all. It is not unreasonable as a relationship is progressing to have a discussion about what punishments are acceptable. It is true, it certainly does impede on the fantasy made reality a bit to get submissive approved punishments, but would you rather punish someone as you see fit and potentially have him leave you and never come back or would you rather retain that submissive? You could be someone’s story or worse yet, someone’s bad experience he flashes back to when trying to trust other dominants. Take the time, have the conversation. Listen.
- Rules should be based on what’s realistically possible: This is the difference between having a submissive in chastity and codifying a rule that he must submit a photo of his locked cock once every 5 minutes to your phone via text message, and a photo once a week every week when he’s away from town. I am a big advocate that in being honest about who we are as dominants and submissives alike that we can indeed create relationships that account for our flaws. For example issues around cheating (as discussed in the relationships article). I would even go so far as to suggest that rules when initially created be acknowledged as transitional until you can try them out and see how they fit for both parties, then tweaked when and where necessary. As dominants we are responsible for our submissives and their wellbeing. That is a power we must all endeavor to take seriously.
- Lots of rules: Rules should help you craft the right headspace for your submissive. If you want him to feel like he’s in a highly disciplined environment you can certainly do that by creating a lot of rules. That requires you to create a lot of rules and remember them to enforce them. It also doesn’t allow for a submissive to enter subspace and just exist as a submissive because he needs to remain cognizant of rules. I, instead, advocate the use of fewer rules that are far stricter. For example: “Slave, before you may have food or drink, or make use of the facilities, you must first offer them to use at my leisure.” or “You must only wear clothing in public I approve.”
- Rules should have a purpose: This one sounds straightforward but you’d be surprised how easily making a rule purely for your amusement can be. Sometimes dominants can make up rules that are contradictory for the purpose of having an excuse to punish submissives. Submissives are logical people like anyone else and will know when you’re making shit up just to punishment. In this circumstance, it could simply be more productive to set aside time for punishment instead of waiting for your submissive to stumble into your clever pit trap. A submissive might fall for that once or twice, but thereafter probably wouldn’t once he recognizes the pitfall.
This brings us to the other side of that very coin. That submissives and dominants can absolutely get off on experiencing an enjoyment of pain through the lens of punishment. A submissive may feel a rush in being punished because he behaved badly and his Sir is correcting his naughty behavior. A dominant may enjoy the cat and mouse nature of a mischievous submissive that misbehaves and is caught who he gets to punish as he sees fit. From this perspective a rule is enhancing the enjoyment of dominant and submissive, bringing an erotic thrill to protocol.
- Rules must consider the submissive: I touched on this in the article I did about punishments. @bredbeta is a very obedient boy. He HATES to think he has displeased me in some way. My disappointment is for him a VERY severe punishment. If I were to actually punish him on top of that… he would be CRUSHED. I have a very different punishment and behavior corrective protocol for him than I would have for a boy who enjoys punishment (as described above). I do this because I know my boy. I consider who he is, and how I know him before punishing him at all. It is not unreasonable as a relationship is progressing to have a discussion about what punishments are acceptable. It is true, it certainly does impede on the fantasy made reality a bit to get submissive approved punishments, but would you rather punish someone as you see fit and potentially have him leave you and never come back or would you rather retain that submissive? You could be someone’s story or worse yet, someone’s bad experience he flashes back to when trying to trust other dominants. Take the time, have the conversation. Listen.
- Rules should be based on what’s realistically possible: This is the difference between having a submissive in chastity and codifying a rule that he must submit a photo of his locked cock once every 5 minutes to your phone via text message, and a photo once a week every week when he’s away from town. I am a big advocate that in being honest about who we are as dominants and submissives alike that we can indeed create relationships that account for our flaws. For example issues around cheating (as discussed in the relationships article). I would even go so far as to suggest that rules when initially created be acknowledged as transitional until you can try them out and see how they fit for both parties, then tweaked when and where necessary. As dominants we are responsible for our submissives and their wellbeing. That is a power we must all endeavor to take seriously.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
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