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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
You are dominant, and have a submissive partner. Is it an open relationship for one or both of you? Do you also seek out other submissives? If so, do you bring them home? And if yes to that as well, does your partner join in or witness? If either of those is the case, how do you address jealousy or insecurity issues? Are there benefits from non-exclusivity for either or both partners?
Thank you for the questions!
Question: Is it an open relationship for one or both of you?
Answer: Our relationship started our open only for me, but I encouraged him around the 1-year mark to go out and try to enjoy meeting and hooking up with men and we’ve been equally open ever since.
Commentary: Bredbeta has full autonomy in seeking other partners sexually and spending time with them as he wishes doing sexually as he wishes. The limitation is on seeking another romantic partner. I have no interest in being poly. It’s just not for me and as a result bredbeta has agreed to this restriction.
Question: Do you also seek out other submissives? If so, do you bring them home? And if yes to that as well, does your partner join in or witness?
Answer: I seek out other submissives for sex, companionship, and friendship. I would very, very much like to be the patriarch of a small leather family centered around myself wherein there may be at most three submissives who get along. I do bring submissives home to play. There are some rare times when Bredbeta joins me in play but since we like the opposite kinds of men and us being both firmly planted in our opposite ends of the power exchange spectrum, there are not many times where playing together makes sense. As for witnessing? He tried it just once and felt that if he wasn’t joining in he’d rather do something else.
Commentary: When I mention a leather family, I do not mean it in the sense of polyamory. I mean that I would have Bredbeta as my loyal lover and husband and that the other boys would be boys that I felt a close kinship with and shared a sexual connection too. Ideally, I’d like for us to all co-habitate both for the intimacy that provides and for the economic advantages in a very expensive city. Although ultimately, those boys would be free to leave should they need a Sir all to themselves or one they could share a love with.
Question: If either of those is the case, how do you address jealousy or insecurity issues?
Answer: I work hard on my jealousy to think about it and understand it so I can disarm it. Bredbeta is a logical person and reports that he does not feel jealousy as it regards to me.
Commentary: I deal with my jealousy when I’m experiencing because as hard as it is to cope with the emotion, it is also the best time to take stock of my feelings. I have written out trains of thought and color coded them afterwards based on the emotion the represent to try and get a handle on my jealousy. I’ve made improvements but I don’t have it under control yet. I can tolerate the jealousy and it’s not unbearable any more. It’s possible to do something else despite feeling jealous. For a while, I was bringing the need for reassurance to Bredbeta, but it’s become clear that is a burden upon him. So, at this point I’m largely asking for support from friends when I need it.
Question: Are there benefits from non-exclusivity for either or both partners?
Answer: We benefit from increased free time, variety in our weekly lives, more friendships, and new sex techniques we learn from other partners.
Commentary: We don’t have to depend on each other to satisfy our entire need for entertainment or conversation. It can be actually kind of nice if bb goes off for a brunch and I can stay home and play a game by myself when we might otherwise do something together. Conversely, bb feels MUCH less alone as he has more friends now than he has at any point in his life and many of them are exclusive to him. So, he can spend some time apart and when he does? He always comes home with fun stories from his time away and it’s something more to talk about and experience. I also really can’t say that it hurts that I get to be free to fuck whomever I like. That’s one of my favorite parts of being gay and I want to enjoy my youth as much as possible. I personally prefer to have the deepest relations with someone possible and sex adds to that sense of closeness and intimacy for me.
Question: Is it an open relationship for one or both of you?
Answer: Our relationship started our open only for me, but I encouraged him around the 1-year mark to go out and try to enjoy meeting and hooking up with men and we’ve been equally open ever since.
Commentary: Bredbeta has full autonomy in seeking other partners sexually and spending time with them as he wishes doing sexually as he wishes. The limitation is on seeking another romantic partner. I have no interest in being poly. It’s just not for me and as a result bredbeta has agreed to this restriction.
Question: Do you also seek out other submissives? If so, do you bring them home? And if yes to that as well, does your partner join in or witness?
Answer: I seek out other submissives for sex, companionship, and friendship. I would very, very much like to be the patriarch of a small leather family centered around myself wherein there may be at most three submissives who get along. I do bring submissives home to play. There are some rare times when Bredbeta joins me in play but since we like the opposite kinds of men and us being both firmly planted in our opposite ends of the power exchange spectrum, there are not many times where playing together makes sense. As for witnessing? He tried it just once and felt that if he wasn’t joining in he’d rather do something else.
Commentary: When I mention a leather family, I do not mean it in the sense of polyamory. I mean that I would have Bredbeta as my loyal lover and husband and that the other boys would be boys that I felt a close kinship with and shared a sexual connection too. Ideally, I’d like for us to all co-habitate both for the intimacy that provides and for the economic advantages in a very expensive city. Although ultimately, those boys would be free to leave should they need a Sir all to themselves or one they could share a love with.
Question: If either of those is the case, how do you address jealousy or insecurity issues?
Answer: I work hard on my jealousy to think about it and understand it so I can disarm it. Bredbeta is a logical person and reports that he does not feel jealousy as it regards to me.
Commentary: I deal with my jealousy when I’m experiencing because as hard as it is to cope with the emotion, it is also the best time to take stock of my feelings. I have written out trains of thought and color coded them afterwards based on the emotion the represent to try and get a handle on my jealousy. I’ve made improvements but I don’t have it under control yet. I can tolerate the jealousy and it’s not unbearable any more. It’s possible to do something else despite feeling jealous. For a while, I was bringing the need for reassurance to Bredbeta, but it’s become clear that is a burden upon him. So, at this point I’m largely asking for support from friends when I need it.
Question: Are there benefits from non-exclusivity for either or both partners?
Answer: We benefit from increased free time, variety in our weekly lives, more friendships, and new sex techniques we learn from other partners.
Commentary: We don’t have to depend on each other to satisfy our entire need for entertainment or conversation. It can be actually kind of nice if bb goes off for a brunch and I can stay home and play a game by myself when we might otherwise do something together. Conversely, bb feels MUCH less alone as he has more friends now than he has at any point in his life and many of them are exclusive to him. So, he can spend some time apart and when he does? He always comes home with fun stories from his time away and it’s something more to talk about and experience. I also really can’t say that it hurts that I get to be free to fuck whomever I like. That’s one of my favorite parts of being gay and I want to enjoy my youth as much as possible. I personally prefer to have the deepest relations with someone possible and sex adds to that sense of closeness and intimacy for me.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
And please, repost my answer if you liked it so others who need to hear this can find it.
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