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dominant-daddy:
So you’re a Dom?
Just because you call yourself a Dom, don’t expect every submissive girl/boy in BDSM to bow before you and call you Sir/Master/Daddy/Mommy or any other title you bestow on yourself. The fact is simple. Submissives are normal everyday people who happen to have one thing in common. They choose to submit to one person (after He/She earns said submission) and then it is the submissives choice to choose how to address that person.
And remember this important fact: she/he maybe a submissive but they are NOT your submissive until you earn the trust, respect and consent from said submissive.Submission is never demanded, taken, asked for or assumed. If you want to call a submissive Yours then earn their submission and show him/her you are worthy of it.
Submissives must do as they are told?
Submissives are not doormats or second class citizens. They are equals in a power exchange relationship. They have rights, the same as a Dom. They have choices, the same as a Dom. They can say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ just as a Dom can. They can ask questions. Demand answers. Surprised by this? Then you need to re-evaluate your Dominant role. All D/s relationships are based on agreements, limits, understanding, choices, rules and boundaries.
Submissives must do as they are told?
Submissives are not doormats or second class citizens. They are equals in a power exchange relationship. They have rights, the same as a Dom. They have choices, the same as a Dom. They can say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ just as a Dom can. They can ask questions. Demand answers. Surprised by this? Then you need to re-evaluate your Dominant role. All D/s relationships are based on agreements, limits, understanding, choices, rules and boundaries.
Every aspect of the relationship is discussed and agreed by both partners. This may come as a shock to some, but it’s the SUB who has REAL power in the relationship. A submissive will bow down to his/her Dom because he/she chooses to do so but he/she can also kick a Doms ass out the door if that trust is misplaced and the Dom abuses the authority that’s been given to Him/Her. You have been warned!
It has to be my way? Rules and punishments.
So you’ve earned his/her submission. Now you decide to throw an encyclopedia sized book of rules at him/her and demand they are followed to the letter or a punishment will be given because YOUR rules were broken. No. Just, no. Rules are to be discussed and agreed by both partners. There are a few too many Doms whose rules are non-beneficial to the submissive and are more geared towards themselves. E.G. You can only wake Me with a blow job, or do not call/text me without prior notice, etc.
Rules should be in place to help a submissive. A Dom should know everything about their sub and this takes time so rules should never be set in stone and always be open for revision. However, when rules are in place, do not let them down and shirk Your responsibilities. If a rule is in place, for the best interest of a sub, then please be consistent. Submissives need consistency.
See HERE for help with rules in BDSM
Punishments should also be agreed by both partners and should be reasonable and fit the infraction. DO NOT – EVER – punish a submissive who tries their best and gives 100% but fails a task. Encouragement is needed for them to do better. Otherwise you’ll just make them feel worthless. The same rule applies to ignoring a submissive as a punishment. By ignoring a sub, a Dom is saying “you are only good enough when you are perfect”. Each relationship is always going to be different, as each Dom/sub are, so using common sense and getting to know the submissive is the key to their discipline and punishment.
See HERE for advice with punishments in BDSM.
Hi Daddy/Mommy? Hi Baby girl/boy?
Being called Daddy/Mommy or baby girl/boy is a term of endearment in a D/s relationship. It’s special to the partners and ONLY they are truly allowed to use those terms. So addressing every Daddy/Mommy Dom or baby girl/boy with these personal terms dilutes the meaning so please do not do it.
Etiquette in BDSM seems to be largely misunderstood by those who are new to the lifestyle or who are just plain ignorant to it so I hope in some way that this will help to address the balance and make this lifestyle a little more understanding.
It has to be my way? Rules and punishments.
So you’ve earned his/her submission. Now you decide to throw an encyclopedia sized book of rules at him/her and demand they are followed to the letter or a punishment will be given because YOUR rules were broken. No. Just, no. Rules are to be discussed and agreed by both partners. There are a few too many Doms whose rules are non-beneficial to the submissive and are more geared towards themselves. E.G. You can only wake Me with a blow job, or do not call/text me without prior notice, etc.
Rules should be in place to help a submissive. A Dom should know everything about their sub and this takes time so rules should never be set in stone and always be open for revision. However, when rules are in place, do not let them down and shirk Your responsibilities. If a rule is in place, for the best interest of a sub, then please be consistent. Submissives need consistency.
See HERE for help with rules in BDSM
Punishments should also be agreed by both partners and should be reasonable and fit the infraction. DO NOT – EVER – punish a submissive who tries their best and gives 100% but fails a task. Encouragement is needed for them to do better. Otherwise you’ll just make them feel worthless. The same rule applies to ignoring a submissive as a punishment. By ignoring a sub, a Dom is saying “you are only good enough when you are perfect”. Each relationship is always going to be different, as each Dom/sub are, so using common sense and getting to know the submissive is the key to their discipline and punishment.
See HERE for advice with punishments in BDSM.
Hi Daddy/Mommy? Hi Baby girl/boy?
Being called Daddy/Mommy or baby girl/boy is a term of endearment in a D/s relationship. It’s special to the partners and ONLY they are truly allowed to use those terms. So addressing every Daddy/Mommy Dom or baby girl/boy with these personal terms dilutes the meaning so please do not do it.
Etiquette in BDSM seems to be largely misunderstood by those who are new to the lifestyle or who are just plain ignorant to it so I hope in some way that this will help to address the balance and make this lifestyle a little more understanding.
dominant-daddy:
Hello slut, whore, bitch, cunt!
This type of name calling is, usually, only to be used during a scene in BDSM. A lot of submissives like to be called names and/or feel degraded BUT, now here’s the one amazing fact… only by their Dominant! Randomly calling a submissive any degrading name is verbal and unwanted abuse. It’s sexual harassment.
You call any girl a slut, whore, etc. and she’ll probably want to rip your balls off and feed them to you with a rusty fork. But when she hears the silky tones of his/her dominant say these words to him/her, they’ll melt. Would a person walk up to a girl in a bar or the street and call her these names to her face?No, they wouldn’t and doing the same over the internet is no different.
Send me a naked picture of yourself.
There are many submissive girls (and guys) that have a NSFW blog. Many of them post pictures (selfies) of themselves nude. It’s their blog, their body, their choice and their decision. They post them for their own reasons. They don’t post them as an advertisement like a piece of meat on offer. It’s NOT an invitation and it’s NOT consent for the douches to harass them for their personal pics or to attack them for posting whatever they want to on their own blog.
If you like their pics, reblog them. Don’t get offended and name call because she refuses and wants to keep herself safe from internet predators and maybe, just maybe she doesn’t want to take the risk of having her personal pics in the hands of a complete stranger who could do goodness knows what with them? As in the previous post, a person wouldn’t ask this of a stranger IRL and hiding behind the internet does not make it acceptable or okay.
Running a NSFW blog is not consent. It does not mean that the blogger is horny 24/7 and masturbates over Tumblr like it’s an occupation. Most are bored and on Tumblr to pass the time. They’re not here to get douches off. Please show some respect.
I’m going to….
This kind of message that submissives receive with a long list of what ‘anonymous’ would like to do to them is another area that needs to be addressed. Most subs do not want them. There are some that like them. Have a look through their blog and read the ‘about me’.
If they’re owned/have a Dom I’d suggest moving on, or better still just don’t send them unless you are certain that is what the sub is asking of their followers. A submissive may like to talk dirty (and express this on their blog) but maybe that’s only with their dominant. If in doubt, don’t do it.
I’m Master ***** You will kneel before me and call me Sir!
This is a red flag to begin with. No ‘genuine’ dominant would say such a thing. He/She would want to get to know any potential partner before agreeing to a D/s relationship. ‘Genuine’ dominants are respectful, polite, courteous and generally do not try to impress. They certainly don’t shout their worth from a rooftop saying “look at me!”They don’t try to ‘Dom’ a submissive after the first hello (if they are lucky enough to get a hello first that is!)
Any submissive, but especially new submissives that are BDSM virgins should always be cautious when talking to a new potential dominant partner. Don’t give personal information, your address or even your home town until you feel comfortable enough and never meet anyone who you have only just recently met. This is doubly important if it’s an online meeting. I have known submissives in the past who have just started talking to ‘Doms’ online and right from the off they have wanted a meet to do a scene. It’s very real and it happens.
Think about how they first talk to you. Are they more interested in your underwear and what you’re wearing or if you swallow or are willing to do anal than they are in you? Do they ask questions about you or just your sex life? Listen to what they talk about or even if they talk about themselves at all. Constant sexual talk = red flag. Not talking about themselves = red flag.
A dominant that boasts about their previous subs and what they did together is another red flag. If you are constantly being asked, “would you be willing to try X or Y…” again, that’s a red flag. Follow your instincts. If you feel something just doesn’t add up or something doesn’t feel right, your gut instinct is trying to tell you something and chances are, it’s right. Walk away. You owe them nothing. Until you consent and agree to be their submissive you are free to do whatever you please. You are free to talk to as many potential dominants as you wish.
Let’s say you are talking to a potential dominant. He/She is really nice. But do they ask about you or how was your day? When was the last time you were asked how you were? You told him/her about what was planned for today at work, have they remembered it or asked about it? Do they even remember about the terrible day you had yesterday freaking out over it? These are the kind of questions to need to be asking yourself. After a conversation with your potential dominant, have a think back to what you spoke about and recap. It should tell you a great deal as to where his/her best interest are focused.
I know this has gone slightly off the etiquette topic but I feel it was warranted and needed to be said. Predators are real in BDSM. Please, stay safe when searching for a partner.
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