I Wanna Try Being A Sub But I Don't Think I'm Ready To Be Owned Yet

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Hey there so I follow your blog because I love it obviously, question tho, I wanna try being a sub but I don't think I'm ready to be owned yet idk I'm really nervous about but at the same time want it. I'm bi not fully out. So limitations exist, any tips or places I could visit to help me ease into it?

Unknown Author:

I’m glad you like my blog and thank you for following!

As for your question, for me at least, ownership is not something I equate to my submission. There is a big difference between subbing a few times for a local Dom to test the waters, subbing consistently with the same Dom(s) over a large period of time, and being collared and “owned” by any particular Dom.

I don’t know how to navigate spaces discreetly (if one of my other followers has info on that it would be much appreciated) as I have had the privilege of being out for years. I will give you the basic run down of what I would say is the best way to go about entering kink and D/s spaces.

So first off, it sounds like you are in exploratory phases. You aren’t quiet sure what exactly you want yet and you just want to see if this is for you. I would recommend finding a local Dom who is willing to help try some stuff with you, which is easier said than done sadly. Side note: I caution you on moving too quickly. Some “doms” will try to rush you into play just so they can have someone to beat and blow their load in. Those are not Dominants. Those are tops who prey on naivety. It is dangerous to be a naive sub in this world, we are vulnerable not just in play but beyond that as well. As a sub, you will give a lot of control to Dominants and it is important that you have someone who will not intentionally hurt you beyond what your limits are.

After you’ve met that Dom here are some tips for engagement. Your first meeting should not be sexual or play based right off the bat. Seek a neutral spot for your first meeting, get A (one) drink or dinner. Things do not need to go any farther than that for your first meeting. Get to know one another as humans before you get to know each other in a scene. Talk about what you want out of each other and, if your are in a private enough area, talk about play, desires, kinks, and soft/hard limitations. If you want both want to start that evening go for it. If you aren’t comfortable give it a day or two. Think it over and communicate.

For your first play session don’t do anything too extreme. Set up safe words and a comfort scale (red, yellow, green; red being your safe word for ‘stop all play immediately’, yellow for ‘this is getting to be a lot but I don’t want to be done’, and green, well, you don’t really have to say ‘green’ unless they ask how you are in which case you could just say ‘I’m great Sir.’) Don’t say you can handle something if you haven’t done it before. Be honest and up front. If he asks “can I flog you?” and you’ve never been flogged, instead of saying “Yes Sir” (which gives him the impression ‘this is a relatively experienced sub’) say “I’ve never been but I’d be interested to try Sir” (which lets him know to introduce you gently to flogging). Don’t be afraid of communicating. It takes a while to get into a comfortable rhythm with a Dom where both of you don’t have to say much. In your first few meetings be vocal not just about discomforts but also about things you are enjoying. Let him know he is doing a good job and I’m sure he will let you know how you are doing.

Lastly, you don’t need to be ready to be owned in order to experience subbing. Being a sub doesn’t necessarily mean that someone else owns you. Ownership is typically a very sacred thing among Doms and subs and those who attempt to “own” or “collar” you too quickly are not actually looking for the bond and commitment that it takes to be in that type of relationship. That’s what being collared is, the symbol of a relationship, maybe not romantic but a relationship none the less.