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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
As a companion to the article I wrote on processing pain, this article is written to fellow dominants about how to manipulate the pain experience.
Why? Pain is often a coarse experience for people. You scrape your knees and the scrapes are uneven, some parts the injury is deeper than others and the experience is mixed. A top acting in a deliberate fashion can create a more even experience. For example, I get out a crop, and I use the leather strips at the end and with three quick strokes can create a triangle on your skin through friction. I can then press my fingers along the outline with varying or even pressure depending on the type of sensation I want to inflict and what you enjoy. I want to create a fine and nuanced experiences for my masochists by being masterful in how I inflict pain and sensation.
Manipulating the ways a submissive manages pain is a more advanced technique than simply hitting them. They’re trying to cope with pain and you’re trying to disrupt it periodically to vary their experience of the scene. It allows for you to use more fine control in creating pain which allows you to play longer without exhausting yourself.
- Breathing: I hinted at one of the easier ways to disrupt breathing which is the simple application of a gag. Personally, I find the hand to be a far better tool than a gag (but you may need the gag if the bottom is being nosier than is polite to your neighbors or roommate). By using my hand, I can cover the mouth while leaving the nostrils exposed allowing me to restrict incoming airflow but very quickly remove the obstruction. A gag does work, but since it can require some time to apply and remove it can be problematic because insufficient oxygen is a potential problem. It’s best to apply breathing disruptions for brief periods of time, no more than 15-20 seconds should be needed to result in the kind of flare up of pain you’re after.
- Clenching: This is a harder technique to disrupt. You can stop hand clenching by putting someone in leather restraints or rope. More experienced submissives will recognize that they can tense up their ass cheeks to become quite hard which will both deflect your blows and allow them to use that clench to help compensate for pain. What you should do is vary up what you’re doing or bark an order just to bring the submissive out of his internal space and focused on you which prevents his focus on being away from the pain.
- Biting: Biting is something as a dominant you should be watching out for with your bottoms. A particularly tense jaw is not a great sign. That kind of grinding can lead to tension headaches and you should teach submissives to use other methods. As for disrupting biting, it’s best to stop with a strong grip to the face, get the submissive to look you in the eye and talk. Ask questions; get him to say “yes sir/master/lord”, anything to get him to use his jaw for a moment.
- Tickling: This technique is a particularly devious one and it is important to remember that while tickling sounds mostly harmless there are people out there who REALLY hate it and you should make a point of finding out how someone feels about tickling before engaging in it. Tickling is a useful disruptive technique because if your target is ticklish the response is reflexive and they simply react to it causing them to squirm and jar in a variety of directions while disrupting control.
- Exhaustion: Lastly as a point of safety. I want to talk about signs of exhaustion in submissives and what to look for. Submissives are in it for their own experience with pain and that experience with you in particular. Pride, a desire to please, and just getting caught up in the moment can all be factors preventing a submissive from identifying when he’s had enough.
Look for:
- Sagging body posture.
- Labored breathing.
- Spacey look in the eyes.
- Slowed response to questions.
- Disorientation.
If you see these signs it is probable that a submissive is nearing his limits for play. It is important to offer aftercare at that point if the submissive wants it and to especially offer lots of water. I keep a 1 gallon Rubbermaid pitcher in my room and a water bottle that is always topped off whenever I play.
Why? Pain is often a coarse experience for people. You scrape your knees and the scrapes are uneven, some parts the injury is deeper than others and the experience is mixed. A top acting in a deliberate fashion can create a more even experience. For example, I get out a crop, and I use the leather strips at the end and with three quick strokes can create a triangle on your skin through friction. I can then press my fingers along the outline with varying or even pressure depending on the type of sensation I want to inflict and what you enjoy. I want to create a fine and nuanced experiences for my masochists by being masterful in how I inflict pain and sensation.
Manipulating the ways a submissive manages pain is a more advanced technique than simply hitting them. They’re trying to cope with pain and you’re trying to disrupt it periodically to vary their experience of the scene. It allows for you to use more fine control in creating pain which allows you to play longer without exhausting yourself.
- Breathing: I hinted at one of the easier ways to disrupt breathing which is the simple application of a gag. Personally, I find the hand to be a far better tool than a gag (but you may need the gag if the bottom is being nosier than is polite to your neighbors or roommate). By using my hand, I can cover the mouth while leaving the nostrils exposed allowing me to restrict incoming airflow but very quickly remove the obstruction. A gag does work, but since it can require some time to apply and remove it can be problematic because insufficient oxygen is a potential problem. It’s best to apply breathing disruptions for brief periods of time, no more than 15-20 seconds should be needed to result in the kind of flare up of pain you’re after.
- Clenching: This is a harder technique to disrupt. You can stop hand clenching by putting someone in leather restraints or rope. More experienced submissives will recognize that they can tense up their ass cheeks to become quite hard which will both deflect your blows and allow them to use that clench to help compensate for pain. What you should do is vary up what you’re doing or bark an order just to bring the submissive out of his internal space and focused on you which prevents his focus on being away from the pain.
- Biting: Biting is something as a dominant you should be watching out for with your bottoms. A particularly tense jaw is not a great sign. That kind of grinding can lead to tension headaches and you should teach submissives to use other methods. As for disrupting biting, it’s best to stop with a strong grip to the face, get the submissive to look you in the eye and talk. Ask questions; get him to say “yes sir/master/lord”, anything to get him to use his jaw for a moment.
- Tickling: This technique is a particularly devious one and it is important to remember that while tickling sounds mostly harmless there are people out there who REALLY hate it and you should make a point of finding out how someone feels about tickling before engaging in it. Tickling is a useful disruptive technique because if your target is ticklish the response is reflexive and they simply react to it causing them to squirm and jar in a variety of directions while disrupting control.
- Exhaustion: Lastly as a point of safety. I want to talk about signs of exhaustion in submissives and what to look for. Submissives are in it for their own experience with pain and that experience with you in particular. Pride, a desire to please, and just getting caught up in the moment can all be factors preventing a submissive from identifying when he’s had enough.
Look for:
- Sagging body posture.
- Labored breathing.
- Spacey look in the eyes.
- Slowed response to questions.
- Disorientation.
If you see these signs it is probable that a submissive is nearing his limits for play. It is important to offer aftercare at that point if the submissive wants it and to especially offer lots of water. I keep a 1 gallon Rubbermaid pitcher in my room and a water bottle that is always topped off whenever I play.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
And please, repost my answer if you liked it so others who need to hear this can find it.
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