Talking More About Master’s Caps, Ceremonies and Declarations

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indecisiveboy: I’m messaging you now in hopes that you have information on a tradition that I can’t seem to find much on anywhere. I’ve heard of Sirs being “capped” before, and generally what this means. I would really appreciate it if you could tell me more on the subject.
My interest in the matter comes from my Guardian. He’s spoken about how he wishes to be capped someday but doesn’t see that ever happening. I wanted to learn more about it so I could get a feel for what exactly he was talking about, and why exactly he felt it was so unlikely.

Papa Tony:

Thank you for the chance to talk more on the topic.

 

I just presented this Master’s Cap on Sunday, to a fine newly-minted Sir, nearly 3,000 miles away from me.

Here is what he said, afterward:

On this day, I had a ceremony conducted by @papatonyinsandiego in which three submissives plus my @bredbeta witnessed my ascension to Master status among my peers. I was given my Mentor’s Cap which comes from his mentor as well. Bredbeta placed it on my head and I could not have been more proud to have him as a stand in for my dear mentor. I am blessed to have made it through the ceremony without sobbing. And now we’re off for pizza to celebrate!

We used Skype to connect, and invited witnesses. I always do this with sober intention.

As I said during the ceremony and in my previous articles, I am not a gumball machine, where somebody pops in a quarter, turns the crank and receives a nice treat. The awarding of a Master’s Cap is a deeply meaningful and emotionally-valuable event, and it has to be the very definition of an authentic blessing.

The Need For Ceremonies

I speak as a kinky gay man, though I know that what I describe here applies to every human being. We need to know that we have worked hard and completed our education, and can now go forth in the world and do good deeds.

That’s why ceremonies are so important to us. Someone with authority asserts that we have what it takes to succeed. We receive a title vest, or a certificate, or a trophy, or other symbolic token of our having succeeded. Dedicated witnesses applaud and rejoice. We have officially found our niche in society.

In order for the honor to mean the most, we need to go through the Trial By Fire, in whatever form that will take. We have to endure some form of difficulty, in order to KNOW that we have earned the prize through sheer guts and determination.

In the case of Sir Alex, the recipient of Sunday’s ceremony, it took months of hard study, and application of what he had learned from my articles, videos and audio. He had worked his way through my suggested reading-material. I post these things in order to help as many Sirs as possible. The end-goal is to help our submissive brothers to get the kind of Sir that they deserve.

Sir Alex and I spent a lot of time going over recently-recorded videos of his current practice sessions, with me directing the next goals that would help him to get even better. He has impressed me at every stage. He has grace, balance, sensitivity, keen observation and flexibility.

A high-quality Sir needs all of that, and more. Hardcore technique is of no value if the Sir is a sociopath. I am a big fan of nuance in erotic powerflow play. If we are ever going to get past the Tumblr stereotype of the cruel, heartless and dismissive Sir, we have to define what WORKS instead. Folks need to understand what a virtuous Sir looks like.

Sir Alex has aced every test that I have thrown at him, and has risen to the challenges that I have presented. This article is what convinced me that he has everything that he needs.

He is a Sir who is admirable, honorable, respectable and lovable. And, he makes the subs smile with deep satisfaction!

Imposter Syndrome

In EVERY case where I have worked somebody through the process of earning a Master’s cap, there is an internal struggle when the word “Master” starts being applied to them. They can see their way clear to being called a “Sir,” but the goal of true MASTERY seems far away from them.

I consider this to be charming and authentic humility.

Imposter Syndrome is an affliction that affects ALL Sirs… The fear is that some vastly-superior Sir is going to walk up during a scene and SLAP that toy out of our hand, saying “Get out the the way, Junior - let me show you how it’s SUPPOSED to be done!” I’ve been waiting for four decades, and it never happened.

As I have stated before, the path to Ultimate Mastery is never, ever complete. We all have more to learn, and more to overcome as we live our lives. After forty years in the kink/leather/fetish scene, I am fully aware of how much more there is to know, and I know that I don’t have another forty years in which to learn it.

So, I never expect anybody who is under my wing to have attained perfection. If they are well and truly on their path toward ultimate Mastery, I send them on their way with blessings and my full confidence.

Why Isn’t This More Common?

AIDS killed off the men who were most dedicated to passing-along their wisdom. Those of us who made it through alive have severe PTSD. Many older men who were part of the original scene in the 1970′s have opted-out of actively bringing up later generations.

So, here I am, trying to make up the difference. My position as one of the few Tribal Elders in the kinky scene worldwide has caused me to rant a bit more than I probably should, but I care so deeply, I can let my emotions get away from me.