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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
I have had some mixed results with locking up a boy’s cock in a cage. For some, their cocks had been too large to comfortably fit into the cage. Some boys tried it and found metal and plastic cages just too uncomfortable. For one boy, he figured out that he could actually slip out of it at any time.
Having a lot of those troublesome experiences has lead me to the conclusion that there are people who just find the idea hot but it loses its luster in the execution. Conversely, the chastity players who have really found meaning in it, for whom it’s become a daily part of their life whether or not a Sir is their keyholder, find ways to make it work. And that is the key. Find how to make chastity work for you and understand and accept that your chastity play may not look exactly like what’s on tumblr, but is valid nonetheless if it gives you what you want to get out of the experience.
I write this article for readers who are interested in chastity but are having some difficulty with the standard lock and key. When the standard approach gets difficult, it’s time to get creative to find a way to make chastity play work for you!
- Shorter goals: The first adaptation to chastity play to make your goals more doable is simply to make the locked periods shorter. The denial makes the eventual orgasm sweeter anyways. You will see many players online bragging about the length of time they can stay locked. If that’s what gets them off more power to them, but if you just want to experience some denial for awhile and enjoy having sexual feelings enhanced due to the horny build up of not orgasming… then does it really matter if you’re locked till the weekend or till 2050?
Hell, you may even eventually find a sweet spot where you stay locked up (for example) for 3 months at a time and that’s what works best for you. Your dominant might tease “Oh man, 2 more weeks till you’re out boy. It’s been a long 2.5 months so far. Remember when we watched porn each night for a week before bed? Good times.” If shorter goals are enjoyable and you get the experience out of it you want, DO WHAT WORKS.
- Key willpower: When the length of the goal isn’t an issue, often willpower is the big obstacle. Being so horny makes it hard to make the decision to stay locked. Where willpower is an issue dominants are often not involved in a chastity player’s life. The purpose of sealing away the key is to provide an obstacle which while not insurmountable gives you sufficient pause to reassert your willpower. There are two pretty reliable options:
Envelope: Put the key in an envelope, seal it, give it to a friend, and tell them to give it back to you in a week. If they ask about it you can make something up if you like. One of the favorite stories a submissive told his buddy was that he’d put a credit card in there he wanted to not be tempted to use until date X. His friend was more than happy to hold onto the key to the box with his credit card in it without ever realizing what the key actually unlocked.
Timed safe: This sounds like a much more expensive option than it is. One of the safes that have been making the rounds lately is a safe for kitchen use to help control temptations. I’ll include a link at the end of this section. You can just toss the key inside and set a time limit. The safes are about $55 so they’re not impossible to save for, but they’re also expensive enough for you to probably think twice before shattering it to get the key.
- Comfort: The holy trainer and metal cages are the two most comfortable cage types. If you are interested in a holy trainer, please consider that first off there will be some international shipping involved which is unsurprisingly expensive. Additionally, I the official website DOES NOT accept opened products for return. Be certain you get the right size before you order it. In light of that, I strongly suggest you take a trip to a sex store in your city or a local kinkster event and get fitted for a cage the first time you get one.
- Key willpower: When the length of the goal isn’t an issue, often willpower is the big obstacle. Being so horny makes it hard to make the decision to stay locked. Where willpower is an issue dominants are often not involved in a chastity player’s life. The purpose of sealing away the key is to provide an obstacle which while not insurmountable gives you sufficient pause to reassert your willpower. There are two pretty reliable options:
Envelope: Put the key in an envelope, seal it, give it to a friend, and tell them to give it back to you in a week. If they ask about it you can make something up if you like. One of the favorite stories a submissive told his buddy was that he’d put a credit card in there he wanted to not be tempted to use until date X. His friend was more than happy to hold onto the key to the box with his credit card in it without ever realizing what the key actually unlocked.
Timed safe: This sounds like a much more expensive option than it is. One of the safes that have been making the rounds lately is a safe for kitchen use to help control temptations. I’ll include a link at the end of this section. You can just toss the key inside and set a time limit. The safes are about $55 so they’re not impossible to save for, but they’re also expensive enough for you to probably think twice before shattering it to get the key.
- Comfort: The holy trainer and metal cages are the two most comfortable cage types. If you are interested in a holy trainer, please consider that first off there will be some international shipping involved which is unsurprisingly expensive. Additionally, I the official website DOES NOT accept opened products for return. Be certain you get the right size before you order it. In light of that, I strongly suggest you take a trip to a sex store in your city or a local kinkster event and get fitted for a cage the first time you get one.
You may have more options there in terms of what you can buy a sales person who can give advice, and the opportunity to talk about how active you’ll be in it, or some of the issues with comfort you’ve had. Lastly, if you aren’t already aware, chastity cages are generally most comfortable when you have little to no hair while wearing them as it reduces the likelihood of getting pinched or having hair pulled.
- Sir’s orders: When Sirs are involved with chastity play, you can have a Sir leave you unlocked but absolutely forbid access to your own genitals without his supervision. I have been surprised how well this works for some people. They simply needed to be told no and that was all it took.
- My grip: When a dominant is in charge of orgasms, you may also find that Sir will do the masturbation for you. When I’ve offered this choice, I restrain the submissive’s hands (and in some cases legs) add a little baby oil, and stroke until they cum and then just keep going. They can orgasm in exchange for continuing to be stroked after orgasm. If I’m feeling generous, I’ll offer them mercy in exchange for something later on of my choosing. It should be of no surprise to anyone that mercy is almost never worth it later on but it still gets chosen fairly often.
- Sir’s orders: When Sirs are involved with chastity play, you can have a Sir leave you unlocked but absolutely forbid access to your own genitals without his supervision. I have been surprised how well this works for some people. They simply needed to be told no and that was all it took.
- My grip: When a dominant is in charge of orgasms, you may also find that Sir will do the masturbation for you. When I’ve offered this choice, I restrain the submissive’s hands (and in some cases legs) add a little baby oil, and stroke until they cum and then just keep going. They can orgasm in exchange for continuing to be stroked after orgasm. If I’m feeling generous, I’ll offer them mercy in exchange for something later on of my choosing. It should be of no surprise to anyone that mercy is almost never worth it later on but it still gets chosen fairly often.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
And please, repost my answer if you liked it so others who need to hear this can find it.
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