Sub Drop

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sirsgoodlittleslut: Recently, I experienced sub drop for the first time. For those who aren’t sure what that is (I didn’t before reading about it on tumblr), sub drop is something that can happen after intense play. Here’s a quick definition taken from a great post by submissivefeminist (link to the post at the bottom):

Sub-drop is categorized by a feeling of depression or guilt after engaging in a consensual BDSM scene. It comes in many forms, from a silent and distant moodiness to a full-fledged panic attack.

Because of how much I appreciated learning about this from tumblr, I thought I would share my experience.

Sir and I had just had a great, very intense sex. He used my body hard past the point of it being sore, and I loved it. I was in basically in a frenzy by the time he came and then rubbed my clit. I wanted to cum, and I was deep in subspace. My whole body tingled from all the places that were extra sensitive from horniness and desperation and from growing bruises and stinging red marks. Sir had me lie down between his legs and he stroked my hair. It was taking me a while to come out of subspace, but I was comfortable and maybe just a bit sleepy. After a little while though, I started to feel weird. I felt removed and alone, separate from Sir instead of closer to him like I usually do after we have great sex. I was sad and empty feeling, and I was having trouble processing exactly what these feelings were. I was quiet, and I wasn’t sure what I needed or how to ask for it. So I just got out of bed and went into the other room to watch TV while Sir stayed in bed.

Papa Tony:

I’m a gay male slave-owning Master.  I like to think that I am a moral Sir.  A bad case of sub drop laid a real whammy upon me, years ago.

I had myself a new sub for a few months.  Every time that we got together, it was magical for the both of us, but we could only get together one day per week.  Finally, we had an opportunity to travel to another city for a full weekend.

It was full-on Honeymoon Season - we did everything that our fantasies called for.  I took him around the world in that hotel room.  We were ecstatic and connected fully.

 We came home on Sunday night, and the next morning, I received a message saying “You are not to contact me, ever again.”   Nothing else.  Being a man who prides myself on my flexibility and strong sense of fairness, I panicked.  What heinous perpetration did I commit, to cause such a terrible outcome?

Months went by, and the sub refused to explain.  Finally I said “I am tormenting myself with doubts and sadness.  I need to get some closure in order to move on.  This is messing up my life.  You need to be responsible for what you are putting me through.”  He finally responded.

 "I am in recovery, as you know.  I feared that I had become addicted to you, and I felt such a strong sense of withdrawal when we got back.  I mean you no ill will, but I can’t go on with you any longer.“

 I surely wish that he had said that a few months earlier.  Clearly, in retrospect, I am clear that it was intense sub drop. Now, twenty years later, I make sure that there is plenty of aftercare to bring everything to a smooth finish.  It’s baked-in.