Getting Into The Game

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Good evening, Sir, nice to meet You. I’m a Brazilian virgin gay boy and i think i might me a sub, but i’m not sure of that. I crave a lot for submission and i even have created my blog as a escape for my fantasies. But aside from those fantasies, i don’t really know who i am. Sometimes i have a urge to submit and i really dream of being with a Man who takes control, but at the same time, even if this is a fantasy in bed, i don’t wanna be considered inferior or an object, or be under control 24/7. In my mind, i just want a boyfriend who takes control, who’s a Dom, but at the same time would be my vanilla boyfriend. I mean, i like vanilla stuff too. I want a traditional relationship with someone, Sir, like being boyfriends, and getting married in a non-open relationship -pretty vanila-, those kind of things. But at the same time, i want Him to put me on a collar and “force me” to kiss His boots… I’m really confused about myself and all those things, Sir. I don’t think i ever will find a Man who’s gonna love me as partner and sub and, even though, how i will enter in a relationship if i’m not even certain of myself? Can You please share some wisdom with me, Sir?

Papa Tony:

Thanks for sharing, young brother. First, full disclosure… Like all of us, I also grew up in a cultural environment that stresses monogamy above all. It’s a lovely ideal. It’s superb to focus upon one man, and dive deep into uninterrupted mutual exploration, for years at a time. It is our birthright to have HONEYMOON in our lives. And, honeymoon ends at some point. We have to be real about our needs, even when it’s no longer magical.

In my direct observation over the last four decades, having a MONOGAMY ABOVE ALL goal is why so many gay relationships fall apart after they have lasted around six months to two and a half years. Think about it: You have never explored just how attractive, fun and playmate-thrilling you are, yet. It’s called “slutting around.” and I think that it is healthy to be open to new possibilities while you are young.

Then, like so many males, I predict that you will eventually shift from “Quantity” over to “Quality.” Then, you won’t have to spend so much time wondering about how you show up as a sub in the world. You’ll have gathered proof along the way that you are attractive and valuable. You will know your strengths and weaknesses.

It’s your birthright to go slightly nuts for a while, gathering sexual, kink and relationship experience.

The problem with emulating heterosexual mating rituals is, they are no guarantee of success, even for straight folks. I have been to $50,000 weddings that were done and over with, after two years or less. Men are wired to spread it around. Two men? Twice as likely.

What if you get “tempted” to “BETRAY” somebody else (warning: that was a typical negative and loaded term), because you never found out how well you would have done if you had gone a different path? I am saying these things because I want folks like you to hit the ground running, and not hit any trees.

That’s a lot of pressure. That’s why I incessantly recommend this book. It’s a big splash of reality, and a glorious hope for long-term, realistic male-male relationships.




My advice to you is to start actively seeking playmates, and soon. Find out WHO you are, on multiple levels, before you start locking yourself into a box marked “Exclusive Matrimony.” Right now, all that you have is theories, and they are tying you up in knots. You are young, and you have many adventures ahead of you. Go play!




If you don’t do it now, then you’re going to hit the wall called “Mid-Life Crisis” at around age forty and do it THEN. Every man goes through this natural passage. Some early, some late. I will write about the topic at length, sometime soon.




I haven’t been single since I was fourteen. Women in the early days, and then exclusively men. If I hadn’t learned from the early, less-than-optimal relationships, I wouldn’t have been ready when the Real Thing showed up 28 years ago.