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dirtydaddythings:
When I speak of ‘making a boy’ I am referring to the process of helping a younger man awaken to, and accept, the part of him that wants to be submissive or at least to learn from an older mentor/father figure/Daddy. It means we talk honestly, openly and with respect for both roles and he learns as much about them as we can cover. The rest he has to ask himself in private.
Making him isn’t about coercion, conversion or manipulation. That’s not a Daddy’s way. He must already BE a ‘boy’ before he can learn what it means to become one fully and become what makes him happy.
A major part of making a boy is his acceptance of his desires and the removal of any shame he feels for needing a “Daddy”. This is one of the big hurdles for a boy-to-be, along side doubt in their value as a boy, their attractiveness and other malignant thoughts about themselves that are deeper instilled than everyday stresses. These are lasting parts of him and are truly the source of the need for a Daddy to ‘discipline’ him and make him believe something else about himself. A key to this is the knowledge that his opinion of himself has no place in my presence because Daddy does not waste time on people without value to him.
Breaking the boy is different from making him in many ways.It’s how I describe the removal of obstacles to him becoming himself and stepping into the role of ‘boy’ with confidence. There is so much heaped on us in the outside world that in order to experience the depth of release, pleasure and satisfaction I want to share with a boy that I have no choice but to break him of their influence.
The result of making and breaking a boy is that instead of someone standing in front of me who is afraid of what he needs and ashamed of his desires there is someone instead who is proud to be a boy, happy to be with his Daddy and takes joy AND solace in Daddy’s arms.
A much bigger version of this image can be found here. That pic shows one-seventh of the 695 men who attended one of our Movie Nights.
We all have egos, triggers and wounds from our pasts. I have a single-spaced list of grievances from my childhood as long as my arm, that could easily convince me to give up, be bitter and cynical, and give up on humanity. If I relied upon what I learned as a queer Catholic boy, I would have been dead decades ago.
Instead, I choose every day to be happy, to get over myself, and to be childlike, open and kind. Yes, there are bad people out there, and I will continue to warn newbies. The good news? The bad ones take up less than one percent. The vast majority of kinky gay men are starved for reasons to be the best men that they can be. They want it badly.
Given permission to be their best, most men stand taller, puff their chests out, and wag their tails like crazy to be one of many admirable, honorable, lovable and respectable men in a Tribe.
A major part of making a boy is his acceptance of his desires and the removal of any shame he feels for needing a “Daddy”. This is one of the big hurdles for a boy-to-be, along side doubt in their value as a boy, their attractiveness and other malignant thoughts about themselves that are deeper instilled than everyday stresses. These are lasting parts of him and are truly the source of the need for a Daddy to ‘discipline’ him and make him believe something else about himself. A key to this is the knowledge that his opinion of himself has no place in my presence because Daddy does not waste time on people without value to him.
He is there because I judge him worthy and that must become proof of his validity and potential. He’ll learn that my commands and reinforcement are there to guide him out of that shell, to make him comfortable in his own skin and to happily embrace his ‘boy- nature’.
My example as a confident, Dominant, Daddy; that I am shameless when it comes to my role and refusal to accept outside pressure to be anyone but who i am, serves as a role he can model his own self value on. Making a boy is about ‘making him’ become his true self without shame, guilt or reservation.
Breaking the boy is different from making him in many ways.It’s how I describe the removal of obstacles to him becoming himself and stepping into the role of ‘boy’ with confidence. There is so much heaped on us in the outside world that in order to experience the depth of release, pleasure and satisfaction I want to share with a boy that I have no choice but to break him of their influence.
It can be a real challenge to move him from ‘adult’ to ‘boy’ by bringing him into that submissive headspace especially when those pressures are extreme and taxing on him. Sometimes those pressures are internal: depression, anxiety, self-esteem or body image problems or similar things.Those too remain inhibitions to his happiness and pleasure so it falls into my hands to break them even if only for a little while.
My Dominance, all the trappings and nuances of ‘the game’, is by design and intended to take him out of their world and bring him into mine. Breaking him is how I create that ‘safe space’ that he craves: a place where he is protected, nurtured, cared for, guided and loved. It’s a fantasy created by roles, but it’s not a lie.
My Dominance, all the trappings and nuances of ‘the game’, is by design and intended to take him out of their world and bring him into mine. Breaking him is how I create that ‘safe space’ that he craves: a place where he is protected, nurtured, cared for, guided and loved. It’s a fantasy created by roles, but it’s not a lie.
Those things are absolutely real when we are together in that way and over time they cease to be only when we play the game and become part of everyday life at home. They are the ‘lie’ we believe until it begins to become real and starts to change us outside those play times together.
My goal, when I must break a boy, is to free him permanently from those things by giving him confidence, security and affection until (and long after) he’s put those things aside himself. I can’t ‘make him’ do that, he has to want to, and his desire to be my boy is a powerful motivator for change.
The result of making and breaking a boy is that instead of someone standing in front of me who is afraid of what he needs and ashamed of his desires there is someone instead who is proud to be a boy, happy to be with his Daddy and takes joy AND solace in Daddy’s arms.
Papa Tony:
Really beautifully said.
Our lives, thoughts and upbringing have been constantly bombarded by toxic memes. It’s distressing. It reduces our pleasure in life. The process described by our brother @dirtydaddythings is a form of “reprogramming” the submissive with healthy, life-affirming memes, after reducing the effect of the bad ones. Soon, the good ones (with positive reinforcement) take over, and life gets so much better.
All that it takes is a friend, a social circle, a Dominant (or a sub) that cares enough to share what they have found in their quest for wisdom.
That’s what I have been doing on a constant basis. Not just with my subs, but with my community:
Really beautifully said.
Our lives, thoughts and upbringing have been constantly bombarded by toxic memes. It’s distressing. It reduces our pleasure in life. The process described by our brother @dirtydaddythings is a form of “reprogramming” the submissive with healthy, life-affirming memes, after reducing the effect of the bad ones. Soon, the good ones (with positive reinforcement) take over, and life gets so much better.
All that it takes is a friend, a social circle, a Dominant (or a sub) that cares enough to share what they have found in their quest for wisdom.
That’s what I have been doing on a constant basis. Not just with my subs, but with my community:
A much bigger version of this image can be found here. That pic shows one-seventh of the 695 men who attended one of our Movie Nights.
We all have egos, triggers and wounds from our pasts. I have a single-spaced list of grievances from my childhood as long as my arm, that could easily convince me to give up, be bitter and cynical, and give up on humanity. If I relied upon what I learned as a queer Catholic boy, I would have been dead decades ago.
Instead, I choose every day to be happy, to get over myself, and to be childlike, open and kind. Yes, there are bad people out there, and I will continue to warn newbies. The good news? The bad ones take up less than one percent. The vast majority of kinky gay men are starved for reasons to be the best men that they can be. They want it badly.
Given permission to be their best, most men stand taller, puff their chests out, and wag their tails like crazy to be one of many admirable, honorable, lovable and respectable men in a Tribe.
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