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Collaring… All Types
Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring
pupamp:
If you EVER give a collar to someone you better be completely clear on what it means and hold yourself responsible as the one who gave it to THEM. Yes the receiving end is equally responsible of being communicative of needs/want/expectations. But recently, I’ve had the horror of hearing of at least 4 individuals coming forward to speak on the emotional abuse they went through because they were mislead about being collared. From the same exact person.
It frustrates me to no end to see people taken advantage of: emotionally, physically, psychologically. I will be the first one to tell you, someone who collars you should show you the MOST respect, love, compassion, understanding and time; not dismiss you for needing a second of their attention or voicing a concern about your relationship.
If the person collaring you ever makes it about you and your assumptions or how you misunderstood what the collar meant, how you’re the problem, or how you’re being needy, THEY have failed as the top/sir/dom/master/handler/daddy.
Papa Tony:
I am offering a similar perspective, from somebody who has been collaring submissives for four decades:
In the absence of gay kinky elders to continue traditions that work well, a lot of misinformation has gone around. The hetero-kinksters, in particular, have some truly peculiar concepts that never fail to baffle me.
A couple of decades ago, somebody did a statistical study. I haven’t been able to find the reference, otherwise, I would post it here. He found that a submissive man who wished to be collared by a well-respected, high-quality Sir had less than a four-percent chance of having that happen.
I don’t believe that the numbers are that low nowadays. Remember, that study was done shortly after the AIDS Holocaust, and NOBODY was steady on their feet. Thanks to so very many high-quality Internet sites where folks can share their gifts of wisdom, the numbers are slowly climbing.
There is more work to do, though. That is why I teach Tops. I never take a day off, because I want more and more of our submissive brothers to get the ethical treatment that they deserve, in THIS lifetime.
In the vast wilderness of kink, there are limited quantities of Doms for deserving subs. If I value somebody enough to tenderly collar them (preferably with rejoicing witnesses), it means that he is claimed as valuable above all others. He doesn’t need to doubt his innate value any more. He is now on the inside.
If somebody wants to bring him harm, they will have to go through ME.
After a particularly wonderful achievement on his part, I will whisper “You keep on earning that collar, over and over, and I am proud of you.” He’ll wag his tail, and continue striving to please his Sir, because he is getting what he wants.
Ending the Collared Relationship
If the Dom/sub relationship ends for any reason, then the collar stays with HIM, forever. He once earned it, it has enormous emotional value for him, and ripping it away from him is just plain cruel. Don’t be that guy.
After a while of standing with my hand of the back of his neck in the Approving Sir position, I will give him orders, along with some cash: “Step away and circulate through all parts of the bar. Come back in 45 minutes after picking up some more drinks for me and my buddies, and then report on what happened while you were away.”
He’ll come back on time, gasping with excitement. Just a few days before, he had been SURE that a chain collar was a restriction - a way to shut his light and open heart down, by a repressive Sir. He had heard of the bad cases, and experienced some mental struggles when I had proposed collaring him.
NOW, everything opened up for him. He had heard phrases in the crowd such as “You KNOW that you just won the lottery, right?” and “How the hell do I get on that list?” The men in the crowd were green-eyed ENVIOUS of him. He was reassessing the whole thing in a new way, and he liked it.
What My Life Is Like Nowadays
I am serenely comfortable as a slave-owning Master. I gave up my fears and insecurities years ago, because I see that I am my OWN kind of Sir. I resisted calling myself a Master for decades, because I DIDN’T WANT TO BE AN ASSHOLE. The stereotypes frightened me. I didn’t want to become somebody else, just to fit into what I perceived as the typical Master. I have a big, generous heart, along with some serious sadism.
I gave up on all of that noise, and life is so much better. I am the Real Deal, because I SAY so. I made my declaration a decade ago, and it freed my soul to be the best slave-owning Master that I could be.
My slaves adore me, and will do anything for me, because they are getting their goodies, while I get mine. We have a free-flowing, intermixed relationship that continues to reward all of us.
They earn their collars every day, and life is GREAT.
MasterDomonic:
I’ve briefly explored this subject before in a very simplistic way elsewhere, and will here provide a recap of that information before a deeper look into this very complicated symbol.
Q) What is a collar?
A) A collar is a symbol of ownership and protection
My Own Explanation;
A collar is simply a band of metal or leather. It can be used for bondage, certainly, but that is not its true purpose
It’s true purpose is the same as a wedding band. It is a symbol to the world, I am not my own. I belong. I am protected. I am not alone
I’ve received many answers to this question from many submissives, but this is by far the best I’ve yet read (posted with permission);
“To me, a collar is a willingly accepted sign of a Dominant taking control of a submissive while providing guidance and protection. It is the sign of a submissive accepting a dominant’s authority and reciprocating with service, obedience and trust.”
* * *
“Ok,” you say, “ I understand that, but what about subs, pups, boys, etc who buy themselves a collar? What does that mean?”
Certainly, many who are submissively inclined will purchase a collar.
For some, it just makes them feel submissive, for others, it gives a more “real” dimension to being a pup, and yet for others, it “feels hot” and they imagine a Dom grabbing it and putting them in their place.
In all cases, it’s more than a fashion statement, it is a tool they use to get into the head-space. But at the end of the day, it’s all just fantasy.
They all desire one thing;
They want the collar to mean something.
Whether a Master, Dom they visit, or their boyfriend telling them to wear it because he likes the look, it all “circles” back to ownership, control, and submission of/to another.
When a Master buys a collar for a submissive, that collar still belongs to the Master, just like the sub does.
The Master may refer to it as “your collar”, but this is simply to differentiate the collar that this sub is wearing, from the one another submissive may be wearing. Both collars belong to the Master, they are His property to give, and to keep on.. well.. His property!
At no point does the collar itself become the property of the submissive. If it did, it would lose it’s meaning of protection, and simply become another toy.
Alright, so I’ve been very wordy so far, reiterating the same point over and over about protection, collar belongs to Master, it means ownership, blah blah blah…
But why?
Respect
Respect the collar
Respect what it means and above all; Respect the Man who put it on you, just as He respects -you- enough to place it on your neck.
Remember this as I take a side-path for a moment, and don’t worry, I’ll reconnect.
All restraints that a Master has purchased belong to him. When in any restraint, you are under his control.
But I Myself (and a few Dom acquaintances I know) have a very strict set of rules about restraints.
(Note that this is by no means universal, but no less important for that)
When I cuff a boy’s hands, he may be in the cuffs for 10 minutes, or 3 hours.
No matter the length of time, when I remove those cuffs, his hands are to remain where they are, unrestrained, until I allow him to move them.
This goes for any restraint, including cages. I might open the cage door, but that doesn’t mean you may step out of the cage without my express permission.
I might unbuckle the gag you’ve been wearing for 2 hours. sure, your jaw hurts, but that doesn’t mean the gag comes off. It stays in until I remove it.
However, there are times that I will tell a boy to take off the cuffs, step out of the cage, remove his gag himself, sometimes I’ll tell him to restrain himself in the first place.
The only thing the boy does not ever put on or take off, is My collar.
It is a symbol of My protection, and therefore Mine to place on him.
A sub should never impose himself upon a Master to the point of putting on his Master’s collar on himself.
Claiming the un-offered protection of a Master is a flippant disregard of the connection of a Master and slave.
The opposite is of course also true.
For a sub to put a Master’s collar on himself is pushy, to take it off is disrespectful on a whole nother level.
He is voluntarily removing the Dom’s ownership, protection and care.
As a friend put it “ he made the choice to literally lift (the Dom’s) care, dominance, and protection from his skin. he chose to back off and cross a line”
And a crossing of a line it certainly is.
To remove a Master’s collar, especially in the presence of his Master, is an act of willful defiance, and apathy.
He is blatantly telling his (now former) Master exactly what he thinks of that protection and ownership in no uncertain terms.
There is nothing more hurtful to a Master than this.
There is nothing more final that a sub can ever do, once done, it cannot be undone.
A submissive who does this, has removed all chance of being collared again by a Master.
It all comes down to respect.
No matter the issues a sub faces (aside from abuse), he should respect his Master enough to allow Him to remove the collar.
To not do so, only tells his Master that he has no respect whatsoever for Him, and that he himself is no longer worthy of his Master’s respect.
If a Master cannot respect a submissive, and visa-versa, there can be no bond.
I am offering a similar perspective, from somebody who has been collaring submissives for four decades:
In the absence of gay kinky elders to continue traditions that work well, a lot of misinformation has gone around. The hetero-kinksters, in particular, have some truly peculiar concepts that never fail to baffle me.
A couple of decades ago, somebody did a statistical study. I haven’t been able to find the reference, otherwise, I would post it here. He found that a submissive man who wished to be collared by a well-respected, high-quality Sir had less than a four-percent chance of having that happen.
I don’t believe that the numbers are that low nowadays. Remember, that study was done shortly after the AIDS Holocaust, and NOBODY was steady on their feet. Thanks to so very many high-quality Internet sites where folks can share their gifts of wisdom, the numbers are slowly climbing.
There is more work to do, though. That is why I teach Tops. I never take a day off, because I want more and more of our submissive brothers to get the ethical treatment that they deserve, in THIS lifetime.
So, This Is What Collaring A Submissive Means To Me
If somebody wants to bring him harm, they will have to go through ME.
After a particularly wonderful achievement on his part, I will whisper “You keep on earning that collar, over and over, and I am proud of you.” He’ll wag his tail, and continue striving to please his Sir, because he is getting what he wants.
Ending the Collared Relationship
If the Dom/sub relationship ends for any reason, then the collar stays with HIM, forever. He once earned it, it has enormous emotional value for him, and ripping it away from him is just plain cruel. Don’t be that guy.
Crowd Approval and Envy
For decades, one of my favorite collaring pleasures is to take the newly-collared sub to a crowded leather bar. I’ll order him to take his shirt off, and to arrive with me, just slightly behind and to the side.
That way, any idle observers can clearly see the shiny new collar, and that we are together. I’ll stop, socialize and do Top Talk with some of my buddies, after introducing the sub.
For decades, one of my favorite collaring pleasures is to take the newly-collared sub to a crowded leather bar. I’ll order him to take his shirt off, and to arrive with me, just slightly behind and to the side.
That way, any idle observers can clearly see the shiny new collar, and that we are together. I’ll stop, socialize and do Top Talk with some of my buddies, after introducing the sub.
After a while of standing with my hand of the back of his neck in the Approving Sir position, I will give him orders, along with some cash: “Step away and circulate through all parts of the bar. Come back in 45 minutes after picking up some more drinks for me and my buddies, and then report on what happened while you were away.”
He’ll come back on time, gasping with excitement. Just a few days before, he had been SURE that a chain collar was a restriction - a way to shut his light and open heart down, by a repressive Sir. He had heard of the bad cases, and experienced some mental struggles when I had proposed collaring him.
NOW, everything opened up for him. He had heard phrases in the crowd such as “You KNOW that you just won the lottery, right?” and “How the hell do I get on that list?” The men in the crowd were green-eyed ENVIOUS of him. He was reassessing the whole thing in a new way, and he liked it.
What My Life Is Like Nowadays
I am serenely comfortable as a slave-owning Master. I gave up my fears and insecurities years ago, because I see that I am my OWN kind of Sir. I resisted calling myself a Master for decades, because I DIDN’T WANT TO BE AN ASSHOLE. The stereotypes frightened me. I didn’t want to become somebody else, just to fit into what I perceived as the typical Master. I have a big, generous heart, along with some serious sadism.
I gave up on all of that noise, and life is so much better. I am the Real Deal, because I SAY so. I made my declaration a decade ago, and it freed my soul to be the best slave-owning Master that I could be.
My slaves adore me, and will do anything for me, because they are getting their goodies, while I get mine. We have a free-flowing, intermixed relationship that continues to reward all of us.
They earn their collars every day, and life is GREAT.
MasterDomonic:
I’ve briefly explored this subject before in a very simplistic way elsewhere, and will here provide a recap of that information before a deeper look into this very complicated symbol.
Q) What is a collar?
A) A collar is a symbol of ownership and protection
My Own Explanation;
A collar is simply a band of metal or leather. It can be used for bondage, certainly, but that is not its true purpose
It’s true purpose is the same as a wedding band. It is a symbol to the world, I am not my own. I belong. I am protected. I am not alone
I’ve received many answers to this question from many submissives, but this is by far the best I’ve yet read (posted with permission);
“To me, a collar is a willingly accepted sign of a Dominant taking control of a submissive while providing guidance and protection. It is the sign of a submissive accepting a dominant’s authority and reciprocating with service, obedience and trust.”
* * *
“Ok,” you say, “ I understand that, but what about subs, pups, boys, etc who buy themselves a collar? What does that mean?”
Certainly, many who are submissively inclined will purchase a collar.
For some, it just makes them feel submissive, for others, it gives a more “real” dimension to being a pup, and yet for others, it “feels hot” and they imagine a Dom grabbing it and putting them in their place.
In all cases, it’s more than a fashion statement, it is a tool they use to get into the head-space. But at the end of the day, it’s all just fantasy.
They all desire one thing;
They want the collar to mean something.
Whether a Master, Dom they visit, or their boyfriend telling them to wear it because he likes the look, it all “circles” back to ownership, control, and submission of/to another.
When a Master buys a collar for a submissive, that collar still belongs to the Master, just like the sub does.
The Master may refer to it as “your collar”, but this is simply to differentiate the collar that this sub is wearing, from the one another submissive may be wearing. Both collars belong to the Master, they are His property to give, and to keep on.. well.. His property!
At no point does the collar itself become the property of the submissive. If it did, it would lose it’s meaning of protection, and simply become another toy.
Alright, so I’ve been very wordy so far, reiterating the same point over and over about protection, collar belongs to Master, it means ownership, blah blah blah…
But why?
Respect
Respect the collar
Respect what it means and above all; Respect the Man who put it on you, just as He respects -you- enough to place it on your neck.
Remember this as I take a side-path for a moment, and don’t worry, I’ll reconnect.
All restraints that a Master has purchased belong to him. When in any restraint, you are under his control.
But I Myself (and a few Dom acquaintances I know) have a very strict set of rules about restraints.
(Note that this is by no means universal, but no less important for that)
When I cuff a boy’s hands, he may be in the cuffs for 10 minutes, or 3 hours.
No matter the length of time, when I remove those cuffs, his hands are to remain where they are, unrestrained, until I allow him to move them.
This goes for any restraint, including cages. I might open the cage door, but that doesn’t mean you may step out of the cage without my express permission.
I might unbuckle the gag you’ve been wearing for 2 hours. sure, your jaw hurts, but that doesn’t mean the gag comes off. It stays in until I remove it.
However, there are times that I will tell a boy to take off the cuffs, step out of the cage, remove his gag himself, sometimes I’ll tell him to restrain himself in the first place.
The only thing the boy does not ever put on or take off, is My collar.
It is a symbol of My protection, and therefore Mine to place on him.
A sub should never impose himself upon a Master to the point of putting on his Master’s collar on himself.
Claiming the un-offered protection of a Master is a flippant disregard of the connection of a Master and slave.
The opposite is of course also true.
For a sub to put a Master’s collar on himself is pushy, to take it off is disrespectful on a whole nother level.
He is voluntarily removing the Dom’s ownership, protection and care.
As a friend put it “ he made the choice to literally lift (the Dom’s) care, dominance, and protection from his skin. he chose to back off and cross a line”
And a crossing of a line it certainly is.
To remove a Master’s collar, especially in the presence of his Master, is an act of willful defiance, and apathy.
He is blatantly telling his (now former) Master exactly what he thinks of that protection and ownership in no uncertain terms.
There is nothing more hurtful to a Master than this.
There is nothing more final that a sub can ever do, once done, it cannot be undone.
A submissive who does this, has removed all chance of being collared again by a Master.
It all comes down to respect.
No matter the issues a sub faces (aside from abuse), he should respect his Master enough to allow Him to remove the collar.
To not do so, only tells his Master that he has no respect whatsoever for Him, and that he himself is no longer worthy of his Master’s respect.
If a Master cannot respect a submissive, and visa-versa, there can be no bond.
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